itsanewday2011

Hi all, Thanks for everyone's advice over the last year. My ex and I have been divorced since last August. Ex is currently sober and living in sober housing. He sees our 3 year old daughter 2x/week supervised. One day a week with my inlaws and one day per week with me. The visits have been going well and daughter is seeming well adjusted...

Our divorce decree set a 'staged' parenting time where ex would get 2 days/week for 3 months (supervised) for stage I. Once he exercises that time and does well it would go to 3 days/week (supervised) - we are almost to that point in time. Then, unsupervised 3 days/week after another 3 months.

My ex is doing well in his recovery and I am supportive of him getting more time with our daughter. My concern is when he asks to go "unsupervised". While he is doing well now, he is still in sober housing. He doesn't have a job. Paying child support through unemployment (not sure if he has car insurance). He has also been diagnosed as bipolar in the past but is getting counsel to not take his meds and work on his "addict/alcoholic" (DOC: cocaine).

At what point should I consider unsupervised? While he is "well" right now, I worry that unsupervised wouldn't be safe while he is in sober housing. I also got some good advice to make sure that no sex offenders are living in the home. My ex also had a history with online porn (some of the sites I found seemed to have teens on them, but he denies it). Not sure if I can stipulate that he be on meds to be with her unsupervised.

Okay, this is a lot of information for what seemed like a simple question. I guess everything surrounding addiction can be complicated. I also see a child psychologist for guidance, but curious to get "real world" perspective.

Thanks in advance!

Lizzi30

I would have thought that while he is in sober housing the child's social worker would not permit unsupervised visits based on safeguarding the child in that environment. Your well within your rights to voice your concerns in court and request your ex is monitored for longer. However saying that what if his parents offered to let him use their home for unsupervised visits would that make you feel better or would you still be concerned?

story74

Yea, I agree totally with anvilhead. Just take it slow and never do anything you aren't comfortable wih. Not to be negative, but he can slip anytime. And being bipolar? What if he snaps on your child? My opinion take it very very slow. good luck!

KuanYin

What are you observations of him, as a father? And his parents/your daughter's grandparents? I agree, and think any Judge would agree that a group living facility would not be appropriate for unsupervised visits. I would simply caution....and I'm trying to word this carefully ... try not to use your and his child as punishment/reward, ya know what I mean? Nothing will ever change the fact that he is her father. I know my AS is a mess right now, but watching him go through the hell with having his daughter jerked around - and jerked away from him by her addict mother has been horrible.

Unless you have reason to suspect something, I don't think finding porn in the history of his internet is a big deal. (Only you would know that.) I know I've clicked on advertisements, or even opened an email that looked legit enough and a porn site popped open.

I would think his psychiatrist should weigh in on the decision for his bi-polar meds. I mean, that's a legit medical condition, so I don't know how the SLF can medically tell him not to take those.

itsanewday2011

Thanks everyone for the comments. I appreciate it!

I would never let him take her to the sober house, but was thinking he could take her to dinner. It was a good idea to use inlaws house for unsupervised visits.

As for his bipolar - I talked with his former bipolar counselor and he suggested asking ex what type of counselor he is seeing (psychiatrist, psych nurse who can prescribe meds, etc). Depending on if he "hears me out" I may end up calling my attorney. Ex seems pretty reasonable right now, so I am going to listen to what he wants to do with visits and go from there. If we cant get to agreement the county we live in has free mediation, and if necessary, I can go to my attorney.

My speculation is that right now, he probably wants more time on a supervised basis - the challenge is going to be more of logistics on how to make that happen, but of course, the whole unsupervised thing is scary to me with his current situation.

Thanks everyone!