bluebelle

I'm sorry to say that my addict step-daughter is back to using heroin. She has been battling this on and off for several years. There for awhile, we would hear from her. She admitted that she was addicted to drugs, and received treatment at various places. She said she wanted to get clean. She had been going to some college classes, and went to an addiction doctor for awhile. However, she ended up dropping out of those classes and wasn't working. I had heard she was still drinking alcohol, which seemed like a bad sign. So, I was afraid that this was coming. She's had some near OD's, and some arrests for petty crimes. The situation is pretty bad. I think it's at a point where we can't do much except pray.

zoso77

I am so, so sorry. This must be horrible.

Does she live with you or on her own?

bluebelle

Yeah, it is really horrible. She doesn't live with us. She lives with another family member who does not want to kick her out.

bluebelle

As you can imagine, she is a really smart, outgoing, creative person who could do anything with her life.

zoso77

If she doesn't live with you, then you're likely correct: there's really nothing you can do but pray. Which is a helpless place to be, I know.

I'm hoping some of the sages like Anvil pipe up and offer guidance. I can only offer my prayers for your stepdaughter, for you and your husband. That said, if you can find a Nar Anon meeting, please go.

Please be safe.

ZoSo

bluebelle

Thank you for you prayers.

lonelystar

Im sorry to hear about your step daughter , praying sounds like a wonderful idea maybe some meetings/therapists/ or anything that can help you and her loved ones find some peace for yourselves. This might sound odd but I used to try so desperately to keep my AS from using, i used to come up with things for him to do , try to keep him busy, things like that ....stupid me....., its not that he didnt try he did and does but hes just not ready yet , now i think how i was standing in his way when all along i should have stepped away , i was only hurting myself in the process of trying to HELP him, and prolonging his addiction . Im learning alot still have a long way to go but im better then when i started....these days I actually find happiness and peace for myself no matter how crazy things get around me, sending prayers your way

inpieces314

I am sorry for your loss. Because she has people who care for her, and who are hurting for her.

She hasn't hit the bottom yet. As much as it hurts you, you have to think this, that it will get worse, and that is a good thing. Because like my therapist says, if it wasn't working for her, she would change it, so obviously this is working for her.

But one day it won't. And she will change. But then, and only then.

KuanYin

I'm really sorry you are going through this. Some say "Ignorance is bliss", but for me, I always preferred to know the truth, like when my AS relapsed. It seemed like the 'not knowing for sure' was always worse than the knowing (even though I'm sure I never really knew the depth of his use). When I get sad and depressed and start wanting to fix things, I remind myself to fix me. It's hard, I resist, but I'm trying. I will say a prayer for you.

bluebelle

We found a crises center in her area and gave the info to her mom. I'm sure she already knows about it. You guys are right, she won't be done until she's ready to be done. We just pray that it won't end in death. She has had to be taken by the paramedics to be revived a couple of times. Her mom won't kick her out because she'd rather she die in her house than behind a dumpster. Yes, those were her words.

Thank you for the prayers for me. I'm afraid I slipped breakfast and overstepped work (by an hour). So, obviously I'm not handling this too well. I did go to class today, and will meditate and exercise later. I even felt upset with her father last night b/c he was laughing while watching TV. I felt like how can he have fun when his daughter is in danger? I know those are crazy Codie thoughts, and I need to refocus my energy to more positive thoughts/activities. I'm just worried about her, but I realize that my worry does nothing. Back to the first step for me! Thanks for listening & your reasonable words.

EJG123

Sorry about your step daughter. Her parents are probably at a different place than you are in coping with AD. I will pray for your step D's safety and recovery.

KelleyF

Bluebelle Right from the beginning you are one of the people that taught me that there is really nothing that can be done to keep someone from using if they choose to do that. your boyfriend has the right idea, keep smiling and laughing, take care of yourself and find enjoyment in your day. And let all your worries go up in prayer that BF daughter will find her way back to health and sanity.

bluebelle

Kelley, Thank you!! I know that in my head, but I have a hard time when everything hits the fan. I looked up a link about taking moral inventory last night. It said that we should not take responsibility for other people's actions. So, I realize that I am not responsible for addict step-daughter's actions. It says that we should take responsibility for our own actions. So, I take responsibility for not taking care of myself yesterday.

I have been praying a lot to turn her over to God and to accept that God is in control (not me). I realize that no matter what somebody else chooses to do, I have to go on to make the best life for myself. RABF was a good role model last night. He got out his guitar and played for awhile. That's one of his tools that he uses in recovery.

I have been much better today. I ate a good dinner last night, and ate breakfast this morning. I'm going to get a good walk in this afternoon and I got enough sleep last night. These may seem like little things, but I know that taking care of me will help me deal with life's challenges.

KelleyF

All those small things we do for ourselves can really add up to a lot; when I was loopy for lack of a better term over BF; I didnt even realize for 2 weeks Id given up all those things: returning emails, eating proper meals, actual restful sleep, watching a tv show, doing my usual work-out, etc.

I found all of those things help keep our lives in better perspective. It was just no good having 24/7 thoughts about his problems. I still worry about him, but I think it is ok to worry about those we love; its just has to be at a healthy level. I kinda figured out its like when you get on a plane, and they read over the instructions and tell you that in case of emergency, put your air mask on even before attending to your children, because if you become impared; you cant help them at all; and most likely no one will be there to help you.
I know I come up with all these silly analogies... but Ive spent a lot of time on airplanes... Anyway, we have to be healthy, and if we are then we can give to them at whatever level we are comfortable with.

BF has a good thing with the guitar; my BF's dr. was telling him that he needs to find something other than his 'work' (he loves his work); to help keep him from being so focused and structured all the time. Im not sure his doc knows that he drives around with large stuffed bears (thanks to me) or contributes to cupcake experiments (also thanks to me).... but I get his point. LOL

Glad you had a better day today !
I know you know what to do - cause you have been teaching me !
Thanks for that !
Kelley

bluebelle

My addict step-daughter's mother and grandmother state that there is no way that they will throw her out of her apartment. So, if she continues to use heroin, she will have a comfortable place to sleep. I wish that they would throw her out, but they are very afraid of the consequences if they do so. There seems to be some chance that she could go to rehab in another city. She has been to that rehab before when she was 19. She said that she really liked it. She was clean while she was at rehab, but relapsed after she came out. To mean, she doesn't sound like she is really done with using. She states that it is everybody else's fault that she uses. She also uses all kinds of excuses as to why she can't get treatment. Her mother states the same excuses as to why her daughter can't get treatment. It sounds like the family is definitely being affected by the family disease of addiction.

Addicted step-daughter is stating that she has several health problems including a lung polyp and breast lumps. I don't doubt that it is possible that she has health problems, considering she is an IV drug user and a smoker. However, I wonder if she is using these supposed health problems as manipulation as to why mother and grandmother can't kick her out. They say that because of privacy rules they can't speak directly to the doctor. That makes me think that they are only hearing these stories directly from the addict. My experience with addicts (including AM), is that they will say anything to continue with usage.

KelleyF

So sorry your family is going through this.

Her medical problems sound like a lame excuse; wouldn't she want to get clean; if she is really concerned about polyps and lumps? I mean God forbid she had something else seriously wrong and needed treatment; does she think she will do that plus stay on the heroin?

Remember to keep it in perspective, and go sing while BF plays the guitar.

bluebelle

Thanks! I don't think I'll sing--that'd be scary! It does help to write about it.

bluebelle

Addicted step-daughter told one family member that she was going to inpatient rehab. I believed it for about a day. It turns out that she won't go. She is stating that she can't go to rehab, because she can't stand the withdrawals (they would make her detox first). So, obviously she's not ready to stop the drugs. It's disappointing, but I guess I should have known that it was just more manipulation. I was just hoping that she was done. It's all just stories and manipulation. I wish that all of the family would get on board and kick her out. But, they are too afraid. So, she continues to sleep in a comfortable bed while abusing heroin. She's got court dates coming up and has already had a couple of trips to the hospital.

I know it's the same old thing that you guys have read on all of these threads. I know that I don't have any control. It still makes me sad. I don't know why I got my hopes up when I heard she was going to go to the rehab--I know better. I am going to go back to handing it over to HP and continue to pray.

Chino

bluebelle, I think hope is always a good thing, as long as I can handle the outcome, whichever way it goes. You're sad, but you seem to be handling it well

I'll keep you and your family in my thoughts and prayers.

bluebelle

Thank you, I really appreciate it. I wasn't even sure if hope was a good thing in this case. The good news is that we know she has a few options. She doesn't want to do any of them because they all involve getting off the drugs. However, we know that they are available, and she knows about them, too. So, when she is ready to be done with it, she knows where she can go.