hopefulwife710

Hi everyone, I have been reading some posts for the past few weeks as a guest, and have finally gotten the courage to register and post. My husband is a heroin addict. He told me and his family two days before Christmas, stating he started abusing pain pills, and then began snorting heroin, but that he wanted help. I knew that he had been depressed due to job difficulties, but I honestly had no idea. Insurance wouldn't cover inpatient rehab, so he began attending an outpatient program. After two weeks, he relapsed and went on a huge binge, stealing about $3,000 from my bank account, selling possessions, and such. We found out a few weeks later and he confessed to everything, but that he really wanted to get better. On his own, he began calling different inpatient rehabs, seeing if there was a way he could get in, while going to AA meetings everyday with his sponsor. This past Thursday (3/8), he was admitted to a state facility where they have a sliding scale fee that he will be paying for himself. He's been clean since 2/11/12, making today Day 31. He will be getting out on 3/28 (the program is only 21 days long). I really want to believe that he can do this, stay sober, and be the wonderful husband that I know is in him, but I am just so scared. I'm not sure how to walk the line between offering support for his recovery and enabling him to relapse. I've been trying to read as much as I can about addiction and recovery to try to understand it all, but I am really just a big ball of mixed-up emotions.

Thanks for listening.

EnglishGarden

Welcome!

There is always hope when an addict seeks recovery.

Do you have some support for you, too?

There is much experience here. You are in a good place for information and encouragement.

Have you read the Sticky links yet? That will help you a lot.

You must be exhausted and anxious, after all that has happened in so short a time. There is also the hurt.

But you can get better and he can, too. But here, we will concentrate on you.

zoso77

Welcome to the board, "Hopeful".

Your "handle" is appropriate, as there is hope for you as you're going through this difficult period. As EnglishGarden suggested, I would read the Sticky notes at the top of the page, as they are quite insightful...and brutally honest.

If I may suggest...I would recommend you find a local Nar Anon/Al Anon meeting. Addiction does not only impact the addict, but those around them as well. It is important that you learn to keep the focus on your health and your well-being. While this may sound incredibly selfish, it is not. It will be necessary for your sanity.

Coming here and registering is a wonderful start. You will find a lot of resources here. Some of us are addicts in recovery that share their experiences and insight. As you read the posts, you will identify them. Pay attention; their insight is invaluable. Others have been brutally affected by a loved ones abuse and are in various stages of recovery. All of us are here to lend you support during a difficult time.

All the Best,
ZoSo

Ann

I want to welcome you also, it's quite scary to love someone who is addicted.

What helped me find my balance was meetings, Al-anon, Nar-anon and CoDA are three similar fellowships that are about "us" and helping us cope and find a healthy way to live, regardless of how our addicted loved ones are doing.

Take a read around, especially the sticky posts at the top. You'll find a lot of useful information there.

I too love your name. There is hope for every addict out there, and there is hope for those of us who love them to find our balance and live well again.

Hugs

Pock89

Welcome!
Loving an addict is a scary concept to wrap your head around. It's frightening because there's no cure for addiction. The addiction can be controlled, but never cured.
If your husband wants to get clean and work a recovery program, he will. If he wants to use, he will.
Establish boundaries and make sure you take care of yourself first! He has recovery work to do, but so do you. Attend nar-anon or al-anon, and keep posting!

KuanYin

Welcome hopeful. You are in a good place, lots of good info and helpful advice here. I know it's a scary thing when the addict comes home. A lot of mistrust. Definitely find a meeting you can attend, and also protect yourself. Meaning, change your bank account, change your PIN, move your valuables into a safety deposit box. JMO. You can still love him and encourage him while protecting yourself and your assets.

What sort of maintenance or follow up treatment will he have? Suboxene, meetings? Twenty one days is a good start, but that's in a structured, controlled environment. Rehab in and of itself does nothing, it's up to the person. Like one of the posters above said, if he wants to get clean, he will, and if he wants to use, he will. Take care of you and find support, please. Hugs and prayers!

gurlie214

Hopeful, just wanted to let you know I am in the EXACT place you are right now. My husband confessed to a 7 year cocaine habit that I knew nothing about! Honestly. Had no earthly idea. Suffice it to say I am a bit naive about drugs as I have never used them. Anyway, like your husband, HE made the calls, HE found the inpatient program, and HE swears on his life he is done with this once and for all and hated living the secret dark life of a druggie. I am in a total fog. Up one minute, down the next. Terrified. Hopeful. Scared. BUT, I am working on my recovery right now because I quickly realized I am as sick as he is. I do not have the energy to police him when he comes back (3/23/12), and I will not do that. Period. I am taking a class on Boundaries based on the book by Cloud & Townsend (highly recommend it by the way). In addition, I attend meetings and I am working my own program. It's all I can do at this point. Only time will tell if he is serious about his recovery....that's the sad truth. But I can be serious about mine and that's what I choose to focus on right now because our children deserve at least ONE healthy parent and clearly, it's going to be me!

Krystal32

Hi hopeful and welcome

I too am in a similar situation as you. My fiance just got home from rehab on the 20th of last month (he did 50 days, he's addicted to painkillers and Xanax) and all the emotions I have felt since he's been home have been SO overwhelming, something I wasn't ready for at all. Of course it was easy to keep my emotions in check when he was away but it's a totally different ball game once they are home. The fear of things going back to how they were before he went in is always there with me and as a good friend put it to me, it will always be there, it will just lessen the longer he maintains his sobriety. There's always the possibility of him relapsing but I try my best not to focus on that and just take things one day at a time. This site has been very helpful to me. Reading other people's stories and experiences and also reading the stickies on this forum have been a lifesaver. I also have a very good friend that I have made through this site and all of that has helped keep me grounded when I feel like things are getting to be too much. Like I said, my fiance has only been home a short amount of time and what I've learned so far is all I can do is watch his actions and step back and let him take on his recovery in whatever way works best for him and I have to remind myself to focus on my recovery as well. There's nothing I can say or do that's going to make him use or stay clean. What I have learned to do is love him and support him in a HEALTHY way, NO MORE enabling. It's so so scary to step back and leave it in gods hands but that's all we can do. I really do wish the best for you and your husband and I do hope he stays on the road of recovery once he's out. Good luck to you both

Krystal

hopefulwife710

Thank you all for your kind words. The sticky notes here were very helpful and I looked up some Naranon meetings in my area and there is one Thursday evening, so I think I will try to attend. Kuan-after he gets out of inpatient, he will be continuing with AA meetings with his sponsor, going to a local outpatient program 3 days a week, and he has an appointment with his doctor to go on the Vivitrol shot. I did actually change banks, set up a new PIN number last month, right after his relapse binge.
I'm trying to focus on me as I know I need help to "recover" too- reading the information on codependent people was a real eye opener, as many of the characteristics completely describe me. I think I've always been that way, even before I met my husband.
gurlie-thanks for the book recommendation! I will be keeping you in my thoughts and prayers and keep me posted for how you're doing when your husband comes home.

Thanks everyone. I know that this is something that he is going to have to work at the rest of his life, it just can feel so daunting and scary. I can only imagine how he is feeling with all of this.

outtolunch

The Vivitrol shot will block the effect of opiates when opiates are used in moderation. Some will continue to use at higher dosages to feel the effect and when they do so, they substantially increase the chance o for OD. It's far more common for an addict to switch to non- opiate based drugs, typically cocaine or its derivitives.

The real value of Vivitrol shot is that unlike Suboxone, it cannot be traded for the drug of choice.

If he works the program, as established, it will work. His recovery or not, is an inside job.