somberheart

Thank you all for your advice and input. Its amazing isn't it. so many different people, from many different parts of the world, different stories, but one single relation.. ONE SINGLE WORD forever links our pain no matter which side of the glass we are on, and thats ADDICTION. I've washed my hands with hope with my husband. I guess I realized it was over, when I figured that whether he was sober or active, the relationship was crumbled, and even if we did decide to go to counseling, its just too much work on top of the work that I've already put in to the sorry relationship, not knowing if i'll ever go back down that road again with him. When I decided it wasnt worth my kids sanity and safety and mine, I called a lawyer. One day, he'll wake up and old man alone. With no one. No friends, no family, nothing. Because of all the crappy things he's done, and still will probably continue to do. My dad is like that. Of course my dad is an addict. My dad learned a very hard lesson with boundaries with me, and has no longer stepped over them, or has even challenged them, even when he is active. I pride myself on not being a stepping stone to my father. Now I have to work on that with my soon to be ExAH. Its scary because I know the consequences of his(my husbands) actions, I was the daughter that lived through them with my own father, just like my daughter sees now. It only justifies my decision even more. Sometimes I second guess myself then I think back to how my life was with parents as addicts. For his kids sake I hope he wises up and gets clean.

lonelystar

I dont know but Ive come to view my AS as another person , what i see is that everything that he was his true self before the addiction has been squashed and put aside and in front of me stands this disease, it talks like my son , looks like him too!!!! but inside all he thinks all he is is his DOC, how hw can get some , when , from who....it goes on and on.