steelmagnolia

hey bamboo...my question for you- what are you going to do when you get that positive-positive response? i hope you have a game plan that involves taking care of you. and, i really hope that you realize that you don't have to continue the madness! i think you are ready to change things and, i wish you good luck....mags

bamboo38

Hi Mags, thank you for your post. The night I wrote my post, he ended up telling me that he did use a few days ago. I think the reality that the secondary mail-in test would show the truth, or then again, who knows why he decided to tell me. I told him I didn't want to be with him anymore, and more than any other time before, I fully feel it. Which doesn't mean it doesn't HURT. BADLY.

Part of my game plan all around this was posting here -- when I woke up today, I read and re-read everything again, and am going to read the other threads too. I have a therapist. I'm going to al-anon meetings. About two weeks ago, when I thought it was over, I wrote myself a long email reminding myself about all the manipulating and lying and hiding. I am reading that, too.

Thanks, all. I need to hear/read this.

lesliej

bamboo.
chances are that you could probably get back together with him later on down the road if you really wanted to...you have taken him back many times right? why wouldn't he take you back if you realized later that your leaving was a horrible mistake...

the thing is that we can get total separation anxiety. so we resist giving ourselves some time, distance and space to gain clarity. trust in a higher power. if this is true love then your higher power will make arrangements. a loving spiritual existence in this world involves taking time for reflection, serenity, and meditative decision making about how we want to show up and walk through this world.

it has been a little over 5 weeks and I have great peace and increasing clarity. I get an email once in awhile to tell me how he is doing. I have moved from great engulfing sorrow and anger to more and more peace. move through this, you will be surrounded by love and grace and acceptance. life and soul and spirit will inform you...just give yourself a rest. let your spirit have some space from the addiction (yours and his) and breathe!!

no fear!!! love!!! I am quite sure that I am doing the most loving thing for ALL involved by taking space...letting go