Foehn

This forum has been a Godsend for us. Thanks for helping us through many difficult times. AS is 18. IOP's, residential treatment, AA, individual therapy...you name it. All in the past two years. He manages to put together a few weeks at a time, then relapses. He's now into heroin among other opiates. We've told him he must leave since he's no longer following house rules. We can (pretty much) deal with not knowing where he is or hearing from him. But, I still have an awful time managing the thought of him dying alone and away from us. I know it's a real possibility. For those of you who've been there, I could use some advice. Thanks

Ann

Welcome, Foehn, my son is an addict also and I know the pain you are feeling.

I too lived in fear for too many years. I worried when he was using, and I worried when he was clean for fear he would relapse. His addiction was destroying me.

What helped me find my balance and sanity again, what literally saved my life, was meetings. Al-anon, Nar-anon and CoDA are three similar fellowships that have helped many of us here. It's not the only way, but for me it was the way that saved my bacon. If you can, maybe try to find a meeting near you and give it a try. The book "Codependent No More" by Melody Beattie has also been very special to us, it really tells it like it is and shows us how we can live better while living with addiction.

I learned that nothing I did or did not do had anything to do with whether he used or chose not to. No matter how much I begged, cried, bribed, enabled, or offered help, my son continued for many years in and out of the revolving doors of addiction/recovery. He has been missing for over 7 years now and I find my peace by saying a prayer every morning and giving his care to God.

Take a look at the sticky posts at the top of this forum, there is a lot of good information there, some specifically helpful for parents.

I'm glad you joined us and hope you find comfort in the support you find here.

Hugs

Kindeyes

Welcome to SR....I hope you find comfort here. I certainly do.

I am also very grateful for the rooms of Nar-anon and Al-anon and the wonderful and supportive friends I met there. I have had to employ my program tools in the last two weeks in ways that I never could have imagined. I know that without time in those rooms, lots of meditation, lots of reading, lots of SR and LOTS of prayers, I wouldn't have made it.

They say it works if you work it.....it does.

gentle hugs
ke

hope213

welcome to s.r. what has helped me most with my addict son is letting go & letting God. i thought for yrs. it was something i had done or didn't do to make him use & do the things he has done. i have learned that an addict makes the the mistake of using the first time & he just will not stop. nothing u can do will make him. find meetings, keep coming back here & read everything u can. keep the focus on yourself & hands off the addict. prayers for u & your son.

Seren

Hi Foehn, I'm glad you found us! You are among people who understand.

My stepson is an alcoholic and crack addict among other substances. His father had to kick him out of the house (before we were married) because of the lying, stealing, threats, etc.

We have learned to detach from his drama, we tell him we love him when we get the occasional opportunities, we pray for him all the time that someday he will decide he has had enough and his IOP and other recovery tools will kick in.

Glad you're here.....

HG

greeteachday

Welcome - Glad you found us but so sorry for the reason why. I too found face to face meetings helped me to stay more focused on things I could control instead of the horrible fear of all I could not. Sadly, an overdose can happen away or at home - there really is nothing we can do to prevent that.

I found that during the worst times where I was future tripping and obsessing about things I couldn't change, that I'd even talk out loud to myself or have a conversation with my higher power. As crazy as that sounds, it is difficult to be paralyzed with fear while I was verbally articulating the fears. I don't know if that's just me or something that may help anyone else.

Please take a read around the site - there's some great assistance here. Meetings and SR saved me during the darkest hours of having a child in the throws of addiction.

Ilovemysonjj

Hello Foehn, welcome to SR. I agree, as a parent, this site has been so invaluable. I too share your pain. My RAS is 21. He just got accepted in the residential rehab as an alternative to another 4 months in jail. He had to hit the VERY ROCK BOTTOM before this became an option for him. We had to kick him out and arrest him for that to happen. At 18, boys think they are men and that they are indestructible. They don't listen at all to the establishment (AKA Mom and Dad . You should let go and stand firm with your boundaries. . Any choices he makes now in life are HIS and so are the consequences. Best of luck, this site is full of support and experience.
TT