OceanSize

anyone else have experience in a relationship with a pot-head klonipin addict?

we are broken up, but i'm still going through some questions in my head....like...what just happened?

is it possible for someone to be an addict if the main problem is weed?

he also stopped taking his meds but continued to take klonipin constantly.

I'm glad we are broken up, but of course i am sad and miss him. Still, i'm left scratching my head thinking....did that just happen? is he normal or was that just so messed up?

i feel so inadequate. terrible breakup, too - he just....left. after almost 3 yrs, I was supposed to take a hint.

I didn't take the hint, so then he wrote me a very mean email, ice cold.

it was always all or nothing. all the time. there was no in between with him.

why am i even sad? why do i miss him at all?

i miss him b/c he was more than just a pot head to me. and now i'm nothing to him. i'm just a piece of poop on the street as far as he's concerned. and that sucks.

meanwhile - i should add - i'm in recovery now. 82 days sober.

and confused.

Dee74

It was sure possible for me

I know that we can tend to remember the good times - and I think nearly every relationship, even the most toxic ones, can have their good times...it's what keeps us coming back...much like relationships with drugs and alcohol really.

But from all you've written about this one, I think you're better off out of it OS.
You deserve better IMO.

D

Ann

Congratulations on your clean time/sobriety, hang in there because you're worth it.

I have seen too many relationships destroyed when pot was the only drug involved. It can do as much damage as any other drug and perhaps more because people tend to think of pot as a "less than" drug.

When you look at the reality of your relationship, the way it is most of the time, you need to ask yourself if this is how you want to live the rest of your life. Where do you want to be one year from now, or five years, and is this relationship conducive to you finding your dreams or will it turn your dream into a nightmare.

Whatever you choose, I hope your own recovery will be most important of all, and I wish you happier days ahead.

Hugs

OceanSize

Oh, i know that by the end it was a nightmare. I don't think he's capable of loving anything without self pity and a bong hit. It's a deep seeded issue(s) and there's nothing i can do about it. And he's checked out, so it's totally over. I'm just trying to figure out how to deal with mourning the whole thing. I'm so much better without him, and it's because he was never in it anyway. It wasn't possible to be in it because he was always always always always always stoned. i mean, always. excessive copious amounts of pot smoking, beyond "normal" pot smokers - thousands of dollars every month at times.

In addition, he resented everything about me. i couldn't do anything well, he never congratulated me, never showed up for much of anything, just sorta sat around and smoked weed.

the only other thing he does as well as smoke pot is practice law (he's a lawyer) and in between smoking weed, combined with gobs of depressing self pity and holier than thou attitudes almost daily, there was no way we were ever going to create a healthy pattern.

I'm frustrated b/c i just wish he could see that, too.

I guess you could say....i have some major resentments which i will deal with in my step 4 on my own recovery.

either way, i have trouble finding others who understand how bad a sick pot smoker can be. Combine it with Klonipin and it's a recipe for an insane temper.

Did i mention he left without telling me concisely that we were breaking up? so basically i've been in limbo for 6 weeks until just a few days ago.

Yeah, i know, i deserve better. but if i dont' mourn this appropriately, i'll never find anything.

Best i can do right now is avoid rebounding and figure out what it is that kept me around for so long. In my heart i feel it is love, but there has to be another component.

Lastly, because i'm the one in recovery, i have to mention that my "last drunk" involved me severely verbally abusing him in the midst of a blackout. So i also feel like ...if only i hadn't done that....things would be ok.

but i realize that's just a disease in my head, trying to keep me sick.

Still, the guilt does creep up. thank goodness for the steps and SR and all of you to assist in finding balance amongst the feelings we experience when in mourning.

Ann

Grief is a process and there is no fast way to get through it. It's normal and it's even healthy, as much as it hurts.

I have a feeling that as you work your own recovery and work on your own issues, more will be revealed as to how you got this way for so long. The healing will begin soon, give it time, lots of time. Don't rush into new beginnings, just embrace where you are today knowing it will get better when YOU are ready for "better".

I've been in recovery for many years and I am still learning things about myself. I take quiet time to meditate, I connect with nature and surround myself with peaceful places, I can think of my past without the pain that was there in early recovery, and I continue to grow every day. You will too, life will bring you the answers when you are ready.

Hugs

Kindeyes

Many people will trivialize pot as an addiction. The behavioral result from an addiction to pot is no different than the behavioral result of a heroin addiction IMHO. The drug of choice isn't the problem. It's the obsession and behavior that accompanies it that is so damaging.

I left my XAH because of his addiction to pot (with some abuse of alcohol thrown in there). It was his behavior that was unacceptable. And that behavior continues today....28 YEARS later. I am so grateful that I had the clarity--or desparation-- (even without a program at the time) to recognize that the situation was not going to get better until or unless he decided it would. He's never come to that conclusion. He is still sick. He is still addicted. And he still feels that everyone else is the problem. And he believes that with all of his might.

You are grieving the end of a relationship. It is normal to question what happened. It is normal to replay the events over and over in your head. And at some point, you'll pass through various stages of that grief until you are able to accept it and move forward. That's just the way it works. And each of us move through that in whatever amount of time it takes us.

Take care of you. That is what is within your control.

gentle hugs
ke