Justlizzyd

Sometimes I still grieve over broken dreams. My dreams were broken because I was the only person on board with my dreams. They were MY dreams. Now I realize I cannot force my dreams on anyone; I cannot force recovery on anyone. Just like everyone else, I thought I could cure my husband with my unconditional love, with encouraging him to be a better person and never giving up on him. I was wrong, real wrong. As I have read so many stories about families dealing with addiction, I noticed that I am not alone with that thought pattern, that it is actually quite common. I sit and think about my children and how I would be if it was one of them that were dealing with addiction. If you think I love my AH, that is nothing compared to the love I have for my two adult children. I think if it was one of them dealing with addiction, I would have been a permanent fixture on the crazy train. A crowbar could not move my ass out of the seat. I would stand on the primes that love conquers all. I would just know that my motherly love would eventually cure the addict. Uh, have I not been that way with my addicted husband? YIKES! Thank God for recovery!

I wonder if you folks who have been here for awhile often get weary of reading the same old stories over and over again. In the couple of months I have been on SR, I’ve seen my story a dozen times or better. I laugh to myself and sometimes laugh out loud when I read the author of the post stating that their addict is a wonderful person with the exception of them lying, cheating and abusing drugs. I laugh not at the authors, I laugh at myself because I have said the same insane things myself in the past. I am not saying that addicts are bad people, addiction is not a moral issue, I’m saying how sick I had become worse than the addict in my life. I am so thankful that you folks tell newbies over and over again to read “Co-dependant No More’. Reading that book was defiantly a light bulb moment. I am about to read it again. It dawned on my last night reading Nar-anon litterature, that I might need to pick it up again. Reading that book changed my whole perspective on Nar-anon and Al-anon, addiction and myself. If you have not read the book, please get it and read it. I hate to say this because it sounds so cliché but it is a life changing read.

As always, thanks for letting me share. :-)

steve1840

hey-

i understand what you posted. i am not really the one your post is directed to, but i have been here a while, the last run has been 18 months. i have also read my story in many other peoples threads, but i never tire of it, it keeps me feeling that i am not alone. i have been very slow to recovery for myself. and i posted and re posted over and over again some of the same questions. i cant answer for the people who read them. i dont know if it was they got tired of reading them or frustrated that i wasn't getting it.

i guess i was completely insane over this. i wanted to hold my gf so bad, and i kept hoping for something here that would give me that. talking about it somehow kept her close to me. i would ask something, i would read the answer, but in a second it was like it was gone and i had to ask over again. most of hte time i didnt even realize i re asked the same thing.

only now am i just starting to get it. but man these first steps are HARD. its hard not going back. i had some stuff that opened my eyes yesterday, then some drama today, where the girl she was staying with cant find her.

i want to know whats up, but i am sitting on my hands trying not to act on those thoughts. i read the book last year, but maybe should again since i am learning new things.

Justlizzyd

I think us co-dependents should read it at least once a year. First as a reminder and 2nd to see how far we have progressed in a year or if we progressed at all.

However, for me, I feel I need a re-read to keep myself in check. It's easy to slip back into old stinking thinking. It is for me anyway.

Ann

I've been here almost 10 years now, it was a much smaller site when I arrived but I remember as if it was yesterday how very broken I was when I arrive here, how sad my life was and how filled with darkness I felt. Coming here and attending meetings literally saved my life.

During those years I have seen many mamas arrive going through exactly what I went through not so very long ago and it never tires me to welcome them and try to share my own experience, strength and hope. I'd love to give them the "shortcut" to beating codependency, but that's not how it works. We each have to learn as we go, and find our own courage and light to move forward.

My heart goes out to every single newcomer here, regardless of their relationship with their addict. My heart breaks every single time we lose a loved one here. My prayers go out every single day for those who struggle and feel pain from addiction...no matter which side they are on.

Why do I come here every day? Because it's a very small way to pay back all those who went before me and showed me the way. I will be forever grateful that they were here to greet me when I arrived. And if something I share can help another codie, then I'm working the program because that's what it's all about...one codie helping another. And I learn from others every day here, oldtimers and newcomers alike.

Besides, the coffee is free

Hugs

dollydo

The only reason I come here , today, is to possibly help another through the long, difficult journey of attempting to recover from codependency.

I am still codependent, just not as much, I still wanna help, so here I go responding yet again.

The stories are basically all the same, which is something new posters have a difficult time understanding, and least of all, accepting. Most new posters are very defensive and real angry, so they dump on us, not willing to really look at the core of their anger. It is all part of our illiness, that sneaky little mindset called codependency.

Every so often I need to take a break from this board, I need to get my marbles all back in one bag. Codependency No More is a book that I review often, it is a simple primer for understanding and coping with our disease. No, it doesn't have all the answers, however, every time I read it, I find myself saying..Hmmp, I forgot that.

Thanks for the post, it hits home with me!

harleygirl71

I need to read so much more to break myself from this codependant role I am in. I am so grateful to all of you that are here.

useyourwords

Justlizzyd, thanks so much for posting this. I have had the same thought about those who have been here for a long time. In the less than a month I have been here this board has been such a huge help to me, and I appreciate so much those who are here welcoming us and support us new folks. I was familiar with the lit and had worked through some of my own issues years ago, but had gotten complacent over the last few years. Who'd have ever thunk that it would be my sister finding her own recovery for the first time in 10 years that would have shaken me up so much to realize I had slipped back into a lot of old, unhealthy ways and needed to seek out support!!! So thanks to those of you who have been coming back day after day, year after year. I sure do appreciate you being here!!!!

outtolunch

I am closing in on 4 years now since I first stumbled on this forum looking for ways to fix my daughter. I was driving that flaming codie crazy train and wild horses could not stop me. I was quite capable of bankrupting myself financially, physically and emotionally in my quest to fix my daughter.

Amazing how reading thousands of posts, back stories, stickies and books can change one's perspective. I am grateful for this place the those posters who go out of their way to share and educate each other.

laurie6781

I don't get 'weary' reading the same stories over and over, I just get sad.

I keep coming here and sharing so that maybe someone else who is hurting can hear some 'hope'.

That's part of my continuing recovery, ..................... 'to be of service.'

Love and hugs,

Justlizzyd

You betcha we are angry when we come here! We are mad as hell because folks are not behaving like we think they should. Folks aint lining up and acting right no matter how hard we try to force them to. Then we find out that we can't force anyone to do anything and all of our efforts have been in vain. We get humble. ;-)