baxter

Thinking of going for a long drive in this gloomy weather. Youngest daughter had to use our phone this morning - she's the gambler, stole her sister's rings and pawned them - stole my checkbooks and cashed some - got caught stealing from where she works. Her addiction and actions are identical to her sister on drugs.

An attorney had called here and left a message she had to contact him immediately - she called, she has to be in court tonight or they issue a warrant for her arrest. Long story short I know she has no way to get there and I've told her before don't look to me to haul you anywhere. She didn't ask but I know the afternoon is ahead and still time for her to get in touch and I don't want to have a codie breakdown....so a drive (I have no cellphone) sounds good. Of course if she started walking now she could make it. and another thing...if I don't hear from her for a ride I know I'll probably sit wondering if she made it, who took her .....ugh, let it go, let it go, let it go......maybe some shopping....

outtolunch

Her choices created her current dilema.

Giving our adult children the gift of dignity to make their own decisions and experience the consequences is what it is all about.

hopeful0323

Similar situation happened the other day in my family. AXBF had court for drug charges on tuesday. He asked his step father for $10 so he could get the train. His step father did not have $10 he only had a $20, so he gave him the $20. And guess who didn't show up for court the next day? No surprise there.

Windblown

When I get so wound up in the details of my AD's son's life... I need to remember, I am not in charge and the only way he will ever change, is if he wants to change...and he has to want it. He has to get down...crawling through sewers down....if need be. And I have to let him. If he dies, I have to accept that too. Because any help I give actually hurts him....so if I truly loved him...I would allow him to smack that bottom and deal with the aftershock.

It is not easy. Hold on...we're here for you.

But I can slowly rip that velcro off...one prong at a time...release him, release me...

JMFburns

WOW! good work baxter

dollydo

Wow, you really have your hands full with those two. Have you considered letting go of them and not letting them in your house?

You can press charges for the stolen forged checks, might be the answer, if you do not press charges, you are condoning her behavior and she will be back for more.

Are you going to meetings? Have you read Codependent No More? I would suggest that you do both, this insanity has to stop, and only you can change your participation in this toxic relationship.

baxter

Well, it was hard..she called shortly before court looking for a ride - I had stayed away so I wouldn't cave and she did eventually find a ride, Today she actually told me that when I've told her before - look for a ride she thought by asking me that was what looking for a ride meant..duh???? So, rules are a ride to the store once in awhile is ok, counseling maybe but no money ever and no rides if it has a single thing to do with courts or probation. I'll change my phone number if need be. My husband and I even made arrangements to be gone from this northern snow for three months starting Jan. yippee, going and no regrets.