sTiLlhErE1986

After thinking about my situation for awhile I have decided the best option for me is to talk to a therapist and receive some sort of guidance and can hopefully help me uncover the reasons I do make wrong decisions continiously even though I know I shouldn't. But my question is, what type of therapist should I see? One that specializes in co dependency which is my problem or substance abuse, which is not MY problem but my RAXBF obviously used heroin snd thst is a big part of the person I hsve become. Worrying about him not me and the need to get my life back, I just need guidance? What forms of therapy or specialities have helped you all out?

outtolunch

I would focus on codependency. Getting to the root cause of my baggage does nothing for me. I am an adult and have a choice to hang on or let go of my baggage. I prefered a therapist who could coach and work with me to develop an action plan and then hold me accountable in a firm and supportive way.

HopeAwaits

I agree with Outtolunch, I have seen a few and the addiction specialist one, really was of no help. I personally have had a hard time finding one that has been able to help me more than I can help myself.
Wish you the best and know that just reaching out and finding new ways to help yourself is great progress!

hello-kitty

There are good and bad therapies that are out there so it's good to be discerning. Make sure you read there approach before you sign up for the long haul and invest too much money. Most therapists will have a bio/approach that they can provide you. Also check with your insurance company.

IMO, a combination of TALK and BEHAVIORAL therapy is a good approach. It can also be called cognitive-behavioral therapy or CBT. Because then you don't just spend all your time talking about your perceptions, you spend some time working on your behavior.

I went to a weird therapist once who had me sit on a vibrating pad to get in touch with my inner child... just saying. Watch out for rip-offs and weird stuff.

Chino

Talk therapy helped me uncover root causes then release the pain I had been holding in. CBT helped me change my unhealthy learned responses. I've done this with an addictionologist who has also helped me identify and accept my own addictive personality.

Kindeyes

I almost messed up my monitor spewing tea on that one. That's funny. You just started my day out with a big belly laugh Hello-Kitty. THANK YOU!!! That's a great way to start the day!

I have tried a few therapists in my life. The best therapist I had actually specialized in grief counseling. However......reading literature, going to meetings (Al-anon & Nar-anon), and working a program of recovery has helped me discover more about myself and unplug the feelings and beliefs that were holding me hostage.

You may need to try a few before finding the right one. And if they ask you to sit on a vibrating pad.....run. lol

gentle hugs
ke

sTiLlhErE1986

Thank you all for sharing your experiences. I do not want to spend all of my time talking about my feelings or anything like that, i think I need to focus more on ways to change my obsessive behaviors and learn how to handle these things from here on out. So i think I will look into the cognitive behavior therapy a few of you mentioned, that seems like the best of both worlds.

I have yet to attend a Alanon/Naranon meeting, the only experience I had with them was a Alanon speaker at a Family Day during my ex's last rehab stent. I enjoyed hearing her speak and I really felt like i connected with everything she was saying, so I really don't know what is holding me back from attending a meeting on my own?? I guess it is more a fear of the unknown?

Babyblue

Therapists are trained differently depending upon the methods they use. A good therapist can balance the different types of therapy so that it meets your particular needs.

It is more of the personal fit that matters if therapy is going to be a success.

sugarbear1

Al anon is free

Ann

I did meetings and therapy both. It took me 3 therapists to find one that I was comfortable with and who did not leave me more upset after the meeting than before. But she helped.

Meetings helped me more, maybe because they had an "action" plan (the 12 steps) that were proven to work and that I could work at my own speed and with someone I trusted. They are not for everyone, but they are worth a good try. They literally saved my life.

I hope you find what you are seeking.

Hugs

LifeRecovery

I have also done both, and have the good fortune to have a therapist pretty in touch with the 12 step world.

Both were great and both really helped me. I needed to find the right "space" for both though....I went to a couple of therapists before finding the one I currently see. I went to all of the Al-anon meetings in my area and regularly attend a few of them.

sTiLlhErE1986

I know I need to go to a meeting, but something inside of me is holding me back? I don't know what it is.....

hopeful0323

i was also reluctant to go to meeting at first. Now, 2 months after my first meeting I am starting to realize that going to a meeting meant admitting that there was something wrong with me and not just the addicts and alcoholics in my life. For many years I have blamed my issues on my dad, my sister, my boyfriend. But now I am starting to assume responsibility for my own issues and actions. Alanon is making me a saner person by the day!

outtolunch

Would you consider commiting to 10 meetings and then just do it?

bluebelle

I think it is best to "shop around," for a therapist. I have had a couple that I went to a few times, and they didn't work for me. The last place I lived, I worked with a counselor. She was a licensed social worker (had a master's degree). You might be able to ask your doctor for a referral/suggestion. If you have insurance, you could ask them as to who is available. It also might come down to who has an opening/availability.

Where I live now, I see a psychiatrist. I like her because she asks the right questions and can really get to what is going on in my head. She probes and helps me realize my own feelings. She also gets me talking about stuff that I sometimes ignore or mentally don't face.

When you go see a therapist for the first time, you might want to tell them what you want from the appointment. It sounds like you don't just want to talk. You want to know how you can work on yourself. That's how it is for me.

bluebelle

Oh, and in answer to your question, both my counselor and psychiatrist also treat people with substance abuse issues. I found my psychiatrist because that's who treats my RABF. I know that sounds like it could be odd, but she is a true professional and handles everything with confidentiality. She also treats people with substance abuse issues. I don't know how many other people she treats like me (who don't abuse substances). I guess I might be comfortable with her because I know she understands having to deal with addicts. I have all kinds of issue about my addict mom and alcoholic dad, and she seems to be very understanding about all of that.

sTiLlhErE1986

I think I am starting to come around to the idea of going to a meeting. I think I will make a deal with myself to go to a set number and make myself actually do it. I know myself and I know that the first few times I will not want to share, sometimes it seems like better therapy for me to just listen, before I open up. Is there a certain type of meeting I should look for if that is what I am wanting??

Ann

I too was reluctant for far too long. I made a commitment to myself to go to meetings and if they didn't seem to be the answer I would stick with them until I found an alternative. I no longer wanted to be alone (and ashamed) with my problems. As it turned out, from the very first meeting I knew I had found my "home" for recovery.

Whatever you choose, I hope that you also find your "home" for recovery.

Hugs

sTiLlhErE1986

Are open discussion meetings the best to attned? I want to go and hear a few others talk about their experiences, hopefilly I can identify with them and learn from them, so whoch type would you all suggest for my first time?

Thlayli

Be careful about this part. I know that for me it is all too easy to want to figure out why I do things or why someone else does things. "Why" really doesn't matter and you (we) can make changes without knowing the "why". Do or do not. A good therapist should call you on this if you try to focus too much. They will let you talk things out and look into your history but they won't let you dwell on the whys.

Outtolunch mentioned something about this, I think but I wanted to emphasize it as well.

I do both meetings and individual therapy.