December2011

I can not believe it was so stupid-- my son got out of jail and told me thats soboxen was will only hope, and I gave him my last 800 bucks and I got taken again................ I am always a sucker

December2011

now, i do not even have enogh money to eat this week...... I am the bigest looser

December2011

I am so stupid.. i always believe the lies.. and it is messing up my life, and my ability to pay my own bills.

I should have known better

Chino

I'm guessing you did know better; I know I always did but that didn't stop me until I was sick and tired of being sick and tired. Sometimes I gave in because of that little four letter word hope. Other times I gave in because I had a spaghetti spine and didn't want to deal with saying no.

December2011

I am sorry, my son promised me, that this was the answer... again.
I feel like the biggest fool in the world

December2011

Now I am short on money, food rent....

December2011

I am sorry, I am just beside myself... I thought that I was doing the right thing. he told me he could get Subox and stop, and like a fool, I gave my AS most of the money I had. I really need to pull my head of of my ... you know.. I am just sick about this

suki44883

Beating yourself up over it isn't going to do any good. Now, hopefully, you know not to trust him. Just as addicts, sometimes we codies need to face the consequences of our bad decisions, too.

December2011

thank you, and I sat on the couch, and had the big talk with him... before I did this. You are right. I should have known better. In my mind I was thinking that he would buy sobox and be okay

I was fooled again, and I have been to 3 naranon meetings, and have been in this room a month, yet still this happens.

I am just do disappointed in myself

solost87

Hi December- I definitely know how you feel. I have lost thousands and thousands of dollars, and put myself deep in debt because for so long I thought I was "helping" my boyfriend. Still to this day I cannot believe I was fooled for so long, but try not to beat yourself up about it. Whats done is done, you can't go back and do it again. However, you can make sure you don't do it again in the future. You have to be strong and say that two letter word that is so hard for all of us to say.. NO! It will be hard when you do it, but its the only way. One thing that helped me get over giving my boyfriend money when he asked was hiding it in my wallet, or only keeping a small amount of money in my wallet so if he asked it was easier to say no because I would show him I just didn't have it. Hope this helps, try to feel better. You can't go back, only forward!

December2011

TY, solost87,

I do need to lean to say NO, My AS is just do good at tellimg me how if I just buy this sobox he will be okay and get of of shooting oxy


the lies go on forever... and you are right , I need to leran to say no....

December2011

sorry... i cannot even type well, or talk.. I can not believe I fell for it again.. I am done with it

December2011

He has been putting me through this for 7 years.. I feel like my like evolves around this-- I do not have a life anymore

solost87

I know its hard, I have heard all the lies too! My AOL is my boyfriend of five years, so I'm sure its a lot harder having to say no to your son. But you have to realize even though it is hard, you are enabling him by saying yes. By saying No in the long run, it will help him. My boyfriend DOC was snorting oxys. He too tried suboxone for a while, and it was very expensive, and only led to him going off the subs and back to oxys. I wish the best for you and your son! The sooner you stop enabling him, hopefully the sooner he will realize he needs help.

December2011

ty, you are a voice of reason...

I should have talked to my Sponsor before i did this

addicts are so good at telling you what you want to hear

I went to 3 naranon meetings and have been in this room, and I thought i was better then this.... I am not

Kindeyes

Step One
We admitted that we were powerless over the addict--that our lives had become unmanagable.

This entire thread is a Step One statement.

Some of us have been doing this (recovery) a while. Some for a very long time. And still sometimes (at least speaking for myself), I have to go back to Step One and repeat.

Just as a month is a drop in the bucket of recovery for an addict, it is the same for us. I am trying to change lifelong behaviors and that doesn't happen in a day, week or month. It takes years. Perhaps a lifetime.

It's ok to beat yourself up about this. It's ok to feel like absolute crap about giving your son the money. It's good to feel how bad that feels. Because once you begin to feel the relief of your OWN recovery, you won't want to feel that icky again. Feeling good about yourself will feel so good that you won't WANT to slide backwards.

Just as we should not deny the addict their pain.....we should not deny the codependent their pain. It is that PAIN that helps us want to get better.

This may very well be the bottom you needed to get better.

You are not alone.

gentle hugs
ke

dollydo

Saying NO to him may just end up saving his life and continuing to enable him may just end up putting him in an early grave.

Beating yourself up over this bad decision will accomplish nothing.

Perhaps this will be the turning point for you, our recovery is a work in progress. The
idea is to learn from our mistakes and not repeat them.

Hop back on the recovery train, keep those meetings up. Have you considered going
no contact with your son, so that you can get yourself back on the right tract?

Sending hugs and support your way...Dolly

Freedom1990

I'll never forget the day I came home early and walked into a house reeking of pot, my stereo blaring, and AD in bed with a man I had never seen, who eventually went to prison for molesting two 8-year-old girls.

That was my bottom with her. I had tried time and time again to help her. I went against my gut when I let her move in temporarily.

Just as the addict has to hit a bottom, so do we.

I hear the powerlessness in your words, December. I hear the frustration and despair.

Start working your program like your life depends on it because it surely does.

Talk to your sponsor, especially before making any decisions.

Let her guide you through those steps.

What has been done has some pretty serious consequences for you. I pray that you find strength and renewed resolve to move forward in recovery.

Sending you hugs of support!

Ann

December, this may well be the best $800 you ever spent...if it means that the light bulb went off and you have learned (as we all did) that you can't trust or listen to an addict and you can't give money to an addict unless you just want it to go straight to drugs.

I worked at a rehab for two years before we moved and something I saw there really struck home in my own recovery. The rehab residents that had nobody to help them did very well. They found at least part time work, they found a place to live even if it meant sharing a place with someone else who was clean, and they managed to get food and clothing even if it was from the Salvation Army or thrift stores. They did just fine and were happy to do it themselves.

The rehab residents who had someone in the sidelines, a gf or mom, to jump in and make sure they had cigarettes, clothes and everything they "needed" did not do so well. The lesson of "self sufficiency" had been taken from them by those who meant well but enabled. The self-esteem gained by working through problems and solving them on their own, was lost because their problems were worked through for them.

They find a way to get needed medications and they find a way to live without us mamas doing one single thing.

So embrace your $800 lesson from the school of hard knocks, and walk proudly, a little wiser for the journey.

You'll get through this, you will find "enough" to make it through the month, even if it means reaching out to family or friends for help.

Hugs

chicory

[QUOTE] Ann,
Thanks for sharing this. Very powerful truth here, being that you witnessed this yourself.

hugs