hello-kitty

In my experience, a big step in anyone's recovery, addict or codependent, is to give up the victim mentality and become solution oriented. I had to learn to accept responsibility for my choices and forgive myself. Wallowing in self-pity did me no good. I couldn't change others but with a little gentleness, positive self-talk and forgiveness, I could start to change myself.

For example, if you are short on money for food because of your choice to give away $800 that you couldn't afford, then it is your responsibility to solve your problem of hunger. A solution might be for you to go a food bank or a church and ask for assistance.

lonelystar

Hi december

i agree past mistakes cant be taken back, things happen for a reason I also feel maybe it was good that you gave that 800 away to him maybe you are trying to find your bottom and the only way is to keep hurting yourself at least thats how i feel about my mistakes and I make so so many hang in there the sicker we are of the addicts the easire it will be to say no the next time

ItsmeAlice

Early in my recovery I went through another song and dance with my X over money and I went against my gut and went against what I was learning in recovery and I did what he asked. When I figured out how I was yet again giving him money for his drug of choice and even saw the enjoyment he got out of fooling me, I felt like the world's biggest moron.

How could I put so much time and effort into my recovery and still gain nothing from it???

When I came here for support, I was helped along to see that part of the learning process is putting lessons into practice until they become second nature.

You will continue to be tested in this way. You will continue to have your recovery challenged. You will continue to be confronted with toxic behavior from others. Work your recovery and you will meet this challenges better and stronger each and every time.

Alice

outtolunch

Let's reframe this:

I have been putting myself through this for 7 years.

After 7 years you know the score and there is nothing you can do to keep him off the junk or cause a relapse. What's done is done. And there's not a parent on here that has not done the same because we so desparetely cling to the fantasy that we can do something to fix our children.

After 7 years of this, are you ready to control the only thing you can and that's your reaction? Remind yourself, no if's, ands or buts, every cent you give your son is used to sustain his drug habit. Just stop.

YearForMe

You've done it for 7 years.....

I did the insanity dance for 12.

Don't be like me. My daughter is in year 17 of her active addiction to meth.

My codependency, participation, enabling and denial could be why it is now year 17.

For you...it could end at a 7 year run if you stop.

Windblown

Cobstant rein-forcement and support for me has been strategic in my recovery. I go to meetings five days a week right now. I always feel better afterwards. This site has been a tremendous educator as well as healing for me.

Addiction truly is a family disease and I am determined to get well. Though you may be out of money, you can slowly get it back. Please get a support network because your as will try again....that money will run out and he'll be back. I have learned not to impulsively react to my as when he has a need. First, I will call someone in alanon or discuss with my husband. I am learning new skills because I am determined to have my life back....and my old way of doing things will not work anymore.

Keep working step 1,2, and 3. And saying the serenity prayer...and keep posting!

Taking5

Even if he had gotton Suboxone, you'd still have no money for food, rent, bills, etc. That was wrong to do EVEN IF YOU BELIEVED HIM. You gotta put yourself in the equation at some point.

outtolunch

I eventually realized that it was my choice to save myself or be dragged down into the depths of hell-o with my daughter. I chose to save me.

Letting go of my fantasy that I could fix her and therefore controlled the outcome was the most humbling experience of my life.

She eventually saved herself and did so in her own timeframe. Tomorrow will take care of itself.

December2011

Thank you,
I managed to sell a few things and make up for some of the money-- so that panic is over. I didn't want to borrow money from friends and drag them into this.

I am still stunned at what happened, but you all are right. it could be the best 800.00 spent, he seems to be one of those people that has a high thresh hold for hitting rock bottom, and as long as I am supporting his habit he will not. It is pretty depressing stuff.

Some of you know that I gave him 30 days to move and it is coming up on the deadline, and he isn't better. I think I was making one last desperate attempt at getting him "set" before he has to move, so I guess I did it for myself as well.

Anyhow, I realize that I cannot keep living his addiction, and having him out will defiantly help me to focus on my own life for a change. It is tuff for sure, and I thank you for your support and wisdom on this issue.

I am tired of waking up with that horrible anxious feeling in my gut, and worrying about money on top of everything else sent me into a dread feeling.

Thank you all so much for your true understanding. Feel free to slap some sense into me anytime