Triggering old painful memories
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Kansas
Posts: 10,182
Triggering old painful memories
Today I realized this situation with my granddaughter has triggered all sorts of memories from when Amber ran away at 15.
Amber was in the same juvenile lock-down. Visits were painful because of her attitude, having to talk with a guard watching us, and looking at my daughter in an orange jumpsuit.
I am reminded of when she then ran away after being placed in a group home, and was transported 180 miles away to a lock-down that made the first one look like child's play, razor wire around the compound included.
I am reminded of seeing a side of Amber that I no longer knew, bitter, hateful, and with total disdain towards me. It was so frightening and I didn't know if she would ever turn around or not.
I am reminded of the countless trips to see her at the foster home, 120 miles away, still seeing the same crappy attitude in the beginning and fearing for both of us.
I am also reminded that both of us took good things away from those horrible experiences.
Now I have a beautiful 23-year-old daughter who is self-supporting through her own contributions, is an avid horsewoman and has a heart the size of a giant. How far she has come over the years!
I pray that good will come of this situation with granddaughter just as it did with Amber. I don't know if that is the right prayer, but that is my hope.
It's really been difficult experiencing the pain all over again. I had a really good cry yesterday.
Special thanks to Mike (DesertEyes). I am blessed with incredible friends here at SR.
Amber was in the same juvenile lock-down. Visits were painful because of her attitude, having to talk with a guard watching us, and looking at my daughter in an orange jumpsuit.
I am reminded of when she then ran away after being placed in a group home, and was transported 180 miles away to a lock-down that made the first one look like child's play, razor wire around the compound included.
I am reminded of seeing a side of Amber that I no longer knew, bitter, hateful, and with total disdain towards me. It was so frightening and I didn't know if she would ever turn around or not.
I am reminded of the countless trips to see her at the foster home, 120 miles away, still seeing the same crappy attitude in the beginning and fearing for both of us.
I am also reminded that both of us took good things away from those horrible experiences.
Now I have a beautiful 23-year-old daughter who is self-supporting through her own contributions, is an avid horsewoman and has a heart the size of a giant. How far she has come over the years!
I pray that good will come of this situation with granddaughter just as it did with Amber. I don't know if that is the right prayer, but that is my hope.
It's really been difficult experiencing the pain all over again. I had a really good cry yesterday.
Special thanks to Mike (DesertEyes). I am blessed with incredible friends here at SR.
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Triggers can bring out the worst in us, I know because I still get triggered often. But they can also make us remind ourselves how very far we have come.
When triggers take me back to terrible times, it helps to remind myself that I don't live in that world anymore. And it helps to pray.
This mama is sending you big hugs because you have been through some terrible times lately. Just keep reminding yourself that you are safe today and others may need their own journey in order to find that good place where you are now.
Mama sized hugs
When triggers take me back to terrible times, it helps to remind myself that I don't live in that world anymore. And it helps to pray.
This mama is sending you big hugs because you have been through some terrible times lately. Just keep reminding yourself that you are safe today and others may need their own journey in order to find that good place where you are now.
Mama sized hugs
Jujubee Queen
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: Port Charlotte, Florida
Posts: 3,582
Sometimes, when I look backwards, I realize how much I have grown, and how much I have to be grateful for.
Freedom, I'm sending you big mom hugs,
and good, positive thoughts......
Freedom, I'm sending you big mom hugs,
and good, positive thoughts......
I'm no angel!
Join Date: May 2005
Location: tampa, fl
Posts: 6,728
I still get triggered, so, I sure do understand, my triggers are different than yours, but, just as real.
You have spent many years in recovery and know the power of the HP, now is the time for you to depend on the HP's wisdom and direction.
Your experiences in life are guideposts, they will give you strength and direction, you
have an understanding of both sides of the fence, which few of us here have. Use your
knowledge to help your granddaughter, to guide her, as now, she has an opportunity
to turn her life around, she needs you, and I know that you will be there for her, guiding
her to follow the path to her own personal success.
As Always We Are Here For You!
Dolly
You have spent many years in recovery and know the power of the HP, now is the time for you to depend on the HP's wisdom and direction.
Your experiences in life are guideposts, they will give you strength and direction, you
have an understanding of both sides of the fence, which few of us here have. Use your
knowledge to help your granddaughter, to guide her, as now, she has an opportunity
to turn her life around, she needs you, and I know that you will be there for her, guiding
her to follow the path to her own personal success.
As Always We Are Here For You!
Dolly
Belgian Sheepdog Adictee
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: In Today
Posts: 6,101
Sometimes, and I believe this is one of them, "tears" wash away our despair.
I also have to believe that you were triggered, because it is a good reminder to make a NEW "Gratitude List".
I am looking at the 'positive hee. Look what it did for Amber, look at that beautiful young woman doing the 'next right thing', finding a field that is more like 'play' than 'work' to her, WOW.
I am sending prayers that your granddaughter will have the same results.
Love and hugs,
I also have to believe that you were triggered, because it is a good reminder to make a NEW "Gratitude List".
I am looking at the 'positive hee. Look what it did for Amber, look at that beautiful young woman doing the 'next right thing', finding a field that is more like 'play' than 'work' to her, WOW.
I am sending prayers that your granddaughter will have the same results.
Love and hugs,
Member
Join Date: Sep 2011
Posts: 317
Freedom,
Now I have a beautiful 23-year-old daughter who is self-supporting through her own contributions, is an avid horsewoman and has a heart the size of a giant. How far she has come over the years!
That's beacuse she has a parent with a heart the size of a giant
((((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))))))))
Now I have a beautiful 23-year-old daughter who is self-supporting through her own contributions, is an avid horsewoman and has a heart the size of a giant. How far she has come over the years!
That's beacuse she has a parent with a heart the size of a giant
((((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))))))))
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