Cmslind

Hi all, I've posted before but that was on an alcohol thread rather than a narcotics thread bc that is what I thought I was dealing with. ABF went to rehab on the 15th of July and I thought things might be looking up. But then I come to learn from a neighbor that he has been smoking crack. Crack!!??!! I was horrified, this was totally outside any of my points of reference. Thought crack was smoked by only people living on the edge etc. so when I spoke to him on the phone I asked him about it and of course he lied, saying he had only smoked it twice "for recreational purposes.". I asked whether any one ever smoked it for other reasons, like what would be the "vocational" use of crack? Point is, he has been in rehab for weeks and is still lying! What is the damned point of rehab if he can't tell even part of the truth after being in intensive therapy? Does addiction sometimes kill a person's integrity to the point that they cannot ever relearn how to tell the truth? I'm sooooooo disgusted, have decided I probably cannot take him back into the house when he finishes rehab. Thoughts?

outtolunch

This is a keeper.

Alcohol is the common gateway to crack.

Rehab is the easy part.The tough part begins once he is back in the real world. Relapse is a part of addiction and common after rehab. It's your house and you are under no obligation to take him in, when his brief stint in rehab is over. You are not his only alternative.

Hiring a dog walker or putting the dog into daycare is cheaper and does not require one to live with the chaos of alcoholism/addiction.

I would move on. That's me. I have zero tolerance for unemployed couch potato addicts.

kmangel

You might want to consider insisting that your ABF live on his own after rehab before moving back in with you (if you decide you want to chance him coming back). Make him prove to you he is working his program and staying sober--for at least a year--and then see what the year brings. He needs to work his recovery apart from you IMO and if he's really recovering that year will fly by but you wont be caught so much in the middle of it again should he relapse.

Impurrfect

((Cmslind)) - rehab is just a step toward recovery..it gives him tools to use, if he chooses to.

As a recovering crack addict and recovering codie, I agree with letting him get his own place after he gets out. I didn't do rehab, but it was way more than a month before I wasn't really craving it. There ARE the few people who try crack and don't like it, but if someone says they smoked it for "recreational use"...well, I've never met a recreational crack user. Crack turned me into someone I never thought I could be.

I'd let him work on him, work on myself and would want some SERIOUS recovery time before even considering letting him back in my life, but that's just me. FWIW, true recovery will show. Actions speak volumes more than words. I did a lot of "talking" but when I chose recovery? I didn't have to say a word. My loved ones could SEE it.

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

dollydo

Your Abf should go in a SLE when he comes out of rehab, it is not a good thing to let him back in with you under any circumstances.

Alcohol and crack go hand n hand many times. My exabf drankl then used crack or he drank boat loads when he was trying to stay off crack. It never worked, the draw of crack is too strong.

Crack is a horrible drug, one of the worst out there, and, very difficult to leave alone.

Are you going to meetings? If not, I would suggest that you do. Work on you, it is his problem to resolve not yours!

Cmslind

To all of you who replied. I am so grateful for your words and thoughts. I had the locks changed today.

lightseeker

Cmslind,

you are one smart cookie getting the locks changed. My husband got sober 6 years ago and it took me that many years of misery to finally change my locks last week.

I wish that I had insisted that he do his early days of recovery NOT in my house. I'm guessing that his addiction is a whole lot more extensive than he is letting on.

I wish that I had done something that definitive years ago....I could have saved myself a huge heap of sorrow and trouble.

Keep us posted and good luck with the changes your are going through!

dollydo

Having the locks changed is a smart move! Keep your resolve, you can do this!