boogabstell

So 10am came and went and no moving company came which I really never believed one would anyway. He finally wakes up around 1pm comes out and acts like nothing happened and gives me a kiss. He states that he wanted to see my reaction and what I would say when he told me the moving company was coming. In which I still did not respond. So the rest of the day he was trying to be nice to me which I just once again shut down and I am silent to him but the inside of me is boiling with anger and disappointment. So I decided to go to an Alanon meeting which he gave me an earful once again on how I need to attend AA to find spirituality be with him on his journey. So I asked again what he wanted from me, he states I need to find spirituality and maybe even attend rehab for 30 days to see what it is like. OMG I am not an addict or an alcoholic. There is a history between us and I am really starting to resent him which is not healthy. I really cannot stand to be around him, everything that comes out of his mouth aggravates me. I just moved back with him from my moms 4 months ago. I had left him last September because I had enough, so I packed up my son and all my belongings in 3 days and moved across country. In the meantime he had finally gone to rehab in Nov for 30 days which was great and then our house burnt down on Christmas Eve day and then he went to jail on Christmas for public intoxication. I still did not come out to see him because I did not want to disrupt our son who was in preschool, soccer and swimming classes. He was very upset that I did not come out. I finally did in Feb and moved out in March so that we could give it another try for us and our son. My goodness I am sorry I am rambling I am just so frazzled. I am going to attend as many Alanon meetings as I can this week and continue, I really need to start taking care of myself. I just find it hard to and focus on being a good mom and girlfriend. Listening in the meeting last night (our topic was unmanageable living) I felt good, comfortable, relaxed so now I need to get the courage and start speaking Who knows maybe all of this really is not as exaggerated as I tell it however it sure feels like it. Thank you once again for letting me vent, I am finding this to be helpful.

Freedom1990

Vent all you need to, and focus on yourself and your son.

He's still blowing smoke with what he is saying. He feels threatened by Alanon, and that's why he's giving you so much flack.

I do hope you consider the possibility of leaving and getting your son out of that toxic situation. Kids are like sponges and soak up every crappy emotion that floats around in a dysfunctional household.

You deserve better and so does your son!

laurie6781

No it is not exaggerated. It is a 'typical' addict who is still not accepting that they have a problem.

He is putting on YOU what he wants YOU to do so that when you do not do it EXACTLY as he wants and even if you did then he can still BLAME you.

He is QUACKING, QUACKING, QUACKING. His recovery is HIS.

Yours is yours in Alanon.

If I were you, I would get my son out of there and back to Grand Ma's where he will be in a more serene and peaceful environment, and I could attend Alanon there.

That is what I would do.

This man has no intentions of getting CLEAN and SOBER. He is still using cocaine for crying out loud.

Please take care of you and your son and IGNORE the QUACKING and MANIPULATION.

Please.

Love and hugs,

dollydo

You priorty is your child, it is your responsibility to not expose your son to a mentally abusive drug addict. Your child deserves a safe, non toxic enviorment.

You've only been back with him for a few months, and he is still doing drugs, what are you waiting for?

outtolunch

Gets my vote for best insight of the month.

peaches28

My AH has tried to pull the same thing on me. He doesn't like for me to attend Al-Anon meetings, because he sees that he is losing his 'manipulative' hold on me. As long as I continue in my co-dependency sickness, I enable him, which means he doesn't have to be serious in his recovery either.

Be strong. Don't let him play mind games with you. Keep going to Al-Anon.

TreshaLee

Well, personally, I'm a witch. I'd go to that AA meeting and I'd say, "I'm here instead of my spiritual alanon meeting because my actively speed-using husband here beside me INSISTS he's working his spiritual program and I need to quit alanon and come to see HIS meetings so I can understand and please HIM and be more spiritual like HIM for HIM rather than do what is best for our child. He INSISTS that this is the way it is supposed to be, so I just wanted to verify that spouses/partners of alcoholics should be here instead of alanon?????"

I'd like to hear my husband try to manipulate me in front of a room of walking-their-walk recoverers.

But that's just me ... the witch

Babyblue

The moving van stunt was a pretty cruel and emotionally abusive thing to pull.

He isn't stable nor is he recovered. Speed is dangerous too. He needs to go to NA and not just AA.

It breaks my heart when I read of the manipulation and denial that can happen between addict and loved one.

I hope you find peace and see this situation for what it is.

boogabstell

Thank you all for your support and strength, it means a lot! I continue to go to Alanon and yes some AA meetings which both have been helping!