kmangel

Our son is in a 30 day in-patient rehab center (as appointed by the judge) and is in his first week of recovery. He seems to be doing very well.

The counselor before we admitted him told us there are two family visitation times--Friday evenings and Sunday afternoons--but if we could stay away for the entire 30 days it would be better for our son. We live out of state, so it will require us to fly to visit him.

I would appreciate people's perspective on this comment not to visit our son until after the first 30 days have elapsed. We don't want to do anything that would adversely affect him.

Thanks!

Chino

How about calling the counselor and asking if that is a standard recommendation? Is it a request from your son? Have you ever been to Alanon or Naranon?

outtolunch

Follow the counselor's advice and stay away for the entire 30 days.

He's 27 and needs to take responsibility for himself.

booksnlattes

When I started this whole journey because of my AS, I learned very quickly that I was not in control. To me, Step One meant backing off and admitting that I did not have any of the answers. Once I accepted the fact that I didn't have a CLUE how to handle this, I decided to let the counselors and experts be my first Higher Power. Before I got to the point of handing this over to the God of my understanding, I really deferred a lot to the experts... including those in my Families Anonymous and Al Anon groups. Thinking of the counselors and people in my family groups as "experts" was very important in helping me get on course with my own recovery.

If my son's therapist were to tell me to do something she considered to be in the best interest of my son... I would do it without question. She is the expert. Not me.

Even though it's court ordered, rehab can be a turning point. Rehab is a positive thing. Take care!

laurie6781

I would stay away. You might also call his counselor and ask how much 'talk time' on the phone IF ANY you can safely have with your son.

In reality, it is only 30 days, and in those 30 days if can completely focus on him, it will be very intense but possibly beneficial for your son.

Have you tried or are you going to AlAnon? You will get some very important face to face folks who have been or are where you are now.

Please keep posting and let us know how you are doing as we do care very much.

Love and hugs,

kmangel

Thank you for your responses. The request not to visit did not come from our son, but the counselor during the interview process. Our son hadn't been admitted to the rehab yet. Chances are he will continue with his treatment for more than the 30 days, so we can visit him at the end of the first 30 days. I was curious about there being family visitation times twice a week but our being told not to attend them for at least 30 days.

My husband and I have not attended an Al-Anon meeting yet. My husband and I attended a parent support group when our son was a teenager attending a drug abuse program for teens (not residential, but meetings similar to AA). I found the parent meetings very difficult as I internalized all the horror stories the other parents were relating, became depressed and took Prozac as a result. Perhaps Al-Anon would not affect me the way that parent group did, but presently I'm afraid to go in case it is anything like the group we attended years ago. Therefore, I contacted my church and we have a family counselor we are meeting with for the first time on Saturday that has experience with substance abuse.