Moving Forward
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Moving Forward
Moving Forward (June 11 from the Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie
Much as we would like, we cannot bring everyone with us on this journey called recovery. We are not being disloyal by allowing ourselves to move forward. We don't have to wait for those we love to decide to change as well.
Sometimes we need to give ourselves permission to grow, even though the people we love are not ready to change. We may even need to leave people behind in their dysfunction or suffering because we cannot recover for them. We don't need to suffer with them.
It doesn't help.
It doesn't help for us to stay stuck just because someone we love is stuck. The potential for helping others is far greater when we detach, work on ourselves, and stop trying to force others to change with us.
Changing ourselves, allowing ourselves to grow while others seek their own path, is how we have the most beneficial impact on people we love. We're accountable for ourselves. They're accountable for themselves. We let them go, and let ourselves grow.
Today, I will affirm that it is my right to grow and change even though someone I love may not be growing and changing alongside me.
Much as we would like, we cannot bring everyone with us on this journey called recovery. We are not being disloyal by allowing ourselves to move forward. We don't have to wait for those we love to decide to change as well.
Sometimes we need to give ourselves permission to grow, even though the people we love are not ready to change. We may even need to leave people behind in their dysfunction or suffering because we cannot recover for them. We don't need to suffer with them.
It doesn't help.
It doesn't help for us to stay stuck just because someone we love is stuck. The potential for helping others is far greater when we detach, work on ourselves, and stop trying to force others to change with us.
Changing ourselves, allowing ourselves to grow while others seek their own path, is how we have the most beneficial impact on people we love. We're accountable for ourselves. They're accountable for themselves. We let them go, and let ourselves grow.
Today, I will affirm that it is my right to grow and change even though someone I love may not be growing and changing alongside me.
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When I read this on Saturday morning, I broke into tears. It made me cry because it was like I was being given permission to move forward. It felt like my HP was speaking to me through these words and telling me......it's ok.......there is nothing more you can do for your son......let him go.
This passage out of The Language of Letting Go was so very powerful, I wanted to share it.
It is very hard to acknowledge and accept that I am moving foward and my son is very stuck in his addiction and it is progressing.
I know that, in order to survive, I must move forward in my own recovery and leave him to be accountable for his life. I feel as though I needed permission......to be told.....it's ok. This passage did this for me.
gentle hugs
ke
This passage out of The Language of Letting Go was so very powerful, I wanted to share it.
It is very hard to acknowledge and accept that I am moving foward and my son is very stuck in his addiction and it is progressing.
I know that, in order to survive, I must move forward in my own recovery and leave him to be accountable for his life. I feel as though I needed permission......to be told.....it's ok. This passage did this for me.
gentle hugs
ke
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Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 1,384
Thank you for sharing. This touched me because it made me think of my relationship with my mom. Probably, a lot of my life I was waiting for her situation to get better before I could be happy. This is one of those acceptance things.
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Join Date: May 2005
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KindEyes, thank you for sharing this. I really needed to read this. I know how difficult it is to let go of my husband and I can't imagine how hard it would be if it was one of my sons. I never lose sight of what my mother in law must have gone through with this son of hers that she loved so much. She worked an Alanon program so I hope that she would understand if she were still alive.
Where I am struggling as a mate is with all of his promises and new attention to counseling and going to meetings (still not working a program though) that he is making. If he were my son I would continue a relationship with him. As a husband....not so much. I just don't trust him at this point.
It's just so hard. Thanks again for posting this!
Where I am struggling as a mate is with all of his promises and new attention to counseling and going to meetings (still not working a program though) that he is making. If he were my son I would continue a relationship with him. As a husband....not so much. I just don't trust him at this point.
It's just so hard. Thanks again for posting this!
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Today, I will affirm that it is my right to grow and change even though someone I love may not be growing and changing alongside me.
If I had not moved on with my own recovery and life, I would be still stuck in that terrible place of fear where I lived for far too long...and my son would still be doing what he's doing. I chose not to go down with the ship, grabbed the lifeboat called Recovery and never looked back.
And it's okay that I moved forward. Just need to hear it once in a while to remember.
Hugs and Thank You.
Yankee
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Oklahoma
Posts: 183
KE,
I too thank you for posting this. Sometimes we do indeed need that validation that it is ok to move on in our recovery when others are suffering, and that we can do this without the guilt that we used to burden ourselves with....or at least I burdened myself with.
((((((hugs to you girl))))))
I too thank you for posting this. Sometimes we do indeed need that validation that it is ok to move on in our recovery when others are suffering, and that we can do this without the guilt that we used to burden ourselves with....or at least I burdened myself with.
((((((hugs to you girl))))))
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Originally Posted by MissTara 
KE,
I too thank you for posting this. Sometimes we do indeed need that validation that it is ok to move on in our recovery when others are suffering, and that we can do this without the guilt that we used to burden ourselves with....or at least I burdened myself with.
((((((hugs to you girl))))))
I too thank you for posting this. Sometimes we do indeed need that validation that it is ok to move on in our recovery when others are suffering, and that we can do this without the guilt that we used to burden ourselves with....or at least I burdened myself with.
((((((hugs to you girl))))))
I think we have all burdened ourselves with guilt. I have a white board on my refridgerator. There are three words written on it: Fear Guilt Pity
These three emotions are warning signals to me when speaking with my AS. When he begins to try to amplify these emotions in me, I know that I am being emotionally manipulated. Having those three words written on my white board remind me that they are three very self destructive emotions that I need to keep in check!
Validation is important and I think it is one very good reason that SR is so wonderful. When in the midst of chaos it is very difficult to see or think straight. A little validation goes a long way!
And hugs right back at you!!!!
ke
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