Already...
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Join Date: May 2005
Posts: 1,691
Already...
all of you said that I would feel a relief being away from my husband and by day 2.....it's so true.
He went off on a tirade at me tonight and it was just so lovely to say "I'm hanging up now" and do it. Then....not having to deal with his ill mood and ugliness for the rest of the night was the best.
Of course I am sad for the failure of our relationship but I am not sad about being away from him....just relieved. He's mad because I want to have a lawyer and I am not willing to just accept his guidance on what is fair. Whatever.
Earlier today he was off in la-la land and saying that we could have two houses and "visit" one another and live happily ever after - we are the phoenix rising from the ashes. Now I am an imbecile, "********", a cheat, stupid, nepharious". Whatever. No more answering his calls.
Stick the fork in - I'm done.
He went off on a tirade at me tonight and it was just so lovely to say "I'm hanging up now" and do it. Then....not having to deal with his ill mood and ugliness for the rest of the night was the best.
Of course I am sad for the failure of our relationship but I am not sad about being away from him....just relieved. He's mad because I want to have a lawyer and I am not willing to just accept his guidance on what is fair. Whatever.
Earlier today he was off in la-la land and saying that we could have two houses and "visit" one another and live happily ever after - we are the phoenix rising from the ashes. Now I am an imbecile, "********", a cheat, stupid, nepharious". Whatever. No more answering his calls.
Stick the fork in - I'm done.
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Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: The Burgh
Posts: 1,991
Ahhh...the pleasure of keeping conversations within our boundaries, huh?
There will be pain and heartache, but it does get better - and easier - if we keep our needs in the forefront.
I'm sorry you have to experience this , but it can be life changing.
(((Hugs)))
There will be pain and heartache, but it does get better - and easier - if we keep our needs in the forefront.
I'm sorry you have to experience this , but it can be life changing.
(((Hugs)))
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Join Date: May 2008
Posts: 1,906
Stick the fork in - I'm done.
I know these are sad circumstances...
But I am BEAMING for you light!! Congratulations on your new found freedom, new beginnings and a great rest of your life. Your life is what YOU make of it! Good work my friend, stick to your guns. The divorce process can be rough, but not as rough as living in the situation and being complacent. I knew you'd get there.
I know these are sad circumstances...
But I am BEAMING for you light!! Congratulations on your new found freedom, new beginnings and a great rest of your life. Your life is what YOU make of it! Good work my friend, stick to your guns. The divorce process can be rough, but not as rough as living in the situation and being complacent. I knew you'd get there.
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Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
Good for YOU (((Lightseeker)))!! I have a feeling you're going to find many more peaceful days ahead. It won't always be easy, but just knowing you don't have to have a front row seat to his behavior is priceless.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
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Join Date: May 2005
Posts: 1,691
So deeply fatigued now....I've been running on adrenalin and finally am taking some breaths. I have lots to do but just feel like sitting quietly. After a series of tirades (that I deleted) my husband has now switched to pleading, sorrowful, desperate attempts to communicate. Thank heavens it is so much easier to resist when I am not in the same house. I am sorry for his pain but am aware that he knows how to get to a meeting, pick up the phone to a fellow person in recovery, etc.
Laurie's thread on the death of her young neighbor really hit home. I was one foot away from having my head splintered. Abuse is SO insidious. I always hoped that it wouldn't happen again because I wanted stability in my life. It was a no win situation though.
Thank you everyone for so much support, hugs, prayers, and thoughts during this very difficult time. I honestly have felt that each of you is a true life line. One of my deep fears was of being alone...it is so awesome to have this crazy way of connecting to others. I think of each of you going about your daily lives, many of our shared struggles, and realize how amazing it is how we reach out to one another, share, and give support. This is a major component of my recovery program and I really appreciate each and every one of you....
Laurie's thread on the death of her young neighbor really hit home. I was one foot away from having my head splintered. Abuse is SO insidious. I always hoped that it wouldn't happen again because I wanted stability in my life. It was a no win situation though.
Thank you everyone for so much support, hugs, prayers, and thoughts during this very difficult time. I honestly have felt that each of you is a true life line. One of my deep fears was of being alone...it is so awesome to have this crazy way of connecting to others. I think of each of you going about your daily lives, many of our shared struggles, and realize how amazing it is how we reach out to one another, share, and give support. This is a major component of my recovery program and I really appreciate each and every one of you....
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Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Seeking Peace
Posts: 1,371
This place really IS a life-line, isn't it?
Donna, you're going to be okay. You're going to be more than okay. I know its hard...I know you probably feel like your emotions swing wildly from one extreme to the other at times... In time, you're going to feel like yourself again. you're going to laugh at things and find joy in simple pleasures. I evicted my exah from my home 5 weeks ago and sometimes I catch myself laughing or joking around and I can't explain how 'at peace' I feel. So content. So happy and satisfied. It takes time. Go thru the emotions you gotta go thru. Let them wash over you...don't fight them... There's alot of happiness waiting for you on the other side. I promise you.
You know I love you and I'm rooting you on...
Mary
Donna, you're going to be okay. You're going to be more than okay. I know its hard...I know you probably feel like your emotions swing wildly from one extreme to the other at times... In time, you're going to feel like yourself again. you're going to laugh at things and find joy in simple pleasures. I evicted my exah from my home 5 weeks ago and sometimes I catch myself laughing or joking around and I can't explain how 'at peace' I feel. So content. So happy and satisfied. It takes time. Go thru the emotions you gotta go thru. Let them wash over you...don't fight them... There's alot of happiness waiting for you on the other side. I promise you.
You know I love you and I'm rooting you on...
Mary
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Join Date: May 2005
Posts: 1,691
Mary,
thanks for the love and support....right back at cha! You are so right about just letting the emotions wash over me and pass on through. The swings are not nearly as wide as when I was living with him. This morning I woke up early and read through some journals from the last 6 years. I knew EARLY on that this was not do-able but yet continued to stay for very feeble reasons. My fears are what stopped me and I have learned that confronting them is the only way. Although my life is a bit of jumble right now it is certainly easier to figure out than any sort of endeavor with my husband. I am continuing to separate from him in my mind and know that it is a process.
Do you look back now and wonder at how you took so much and for so long? Everyone keeps saying "I knew that it was going to end this way but that you were going to leave when you are ready."
I think that now I'm really going to take some long hard looks at myself and see what it is in me that was willing to absorb so much in the hopes of making this work. I am just grateful that I still had the strength to leave......
Have a great weekend! Donna
thanks for the love and support....right back at cha! You are so right about just letting the emotions wash over me and pass on through. The swings are not nearly as wide as when I was living with him. This morning I woke up early and read through some journals from the last 6 years. I knew EARLY on that this was not do-able but yet continued to stay for very feeble reasons. My fears are what stopped me and I have learned that confronting them is the only way. Although my life is a bit of jumble right now it is certainly easier to figure out than any sort of endeavor with my husband. I am continuing to separate from him in my mind and know that it is a process.
Do you look back now and wonder at how you took so much and for so long? Everyone keeps saying "I knew that it was going to end this way but that you were going to leave when you are ready."
I think that now I'm really going to take some long hard looks at myself and see what it is in me that was willing to absorb so much in the hopes of making this work. I am just grateful that I still had the strength to leave......
Have a great weekend! Donna
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Join Date: May 2008
Posts: 1,906
Do you look back now and wonder at how you took so much and for so long?
PBI here, but I struggled with this alot earlier on. WTH did I wait so long? I struggled with resentment towards myself for staying so long and putting my family, friends through the worry. Try to stay in the now. You're where you're at, right at the exact time.
My emotions swung greatly too. One day looking forward to a bright future, the next depressed and reflecting on the past. Things are much more even keel now, but I had to go through that process.
PBI here, but I struggled with this alot earlier on. WTH did I wait so long? I struggled with resentment towards myself for staying so long and putting my family, friends through the worry. Try to stay in the now. You're where you're at, right at the exact time.
My emotions swung greatly too. One day looking forward to a bright future, the next depressed and reflecting on the past. Things are much more even keel now, but I had to go through that process.
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Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 1,307
Donna!!!! 
You sound really great...!!!!
It's a great feeling to know you don't have to spend another moment in such crazy making - that you have set yourself apart from it. The cycles of insanity that you can see so much clearer now and with detachment.
You'll figure a lot out in hindsight - but right now - stay in the present - which you are already doing
This is a great post to open after not being here for awhile
You sound really great...!!!!
It's a great feeling to know you don't have to spend another moment in such crazy making - that you have set yourself apart from it. The cycles of insanity that you can see so much clearer now and with detachment.
You'll figure a lot out in hindsight - but right now - stay in the present - which you are already doing
This is a great post to open after not being here for awhile
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