I'm new and need to talk
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Indiana
Posts: 2
I'm new and need to talk
Hello everyone, I am engaged to a wonderful man who has had a long history of being addicted to opiods. Over the past 6 months or so he has gotten worse. I have witnessed him falling asleep practically standing up, he has bouts of energy followed by sleeping for hours on end, followed by attempts to detox himself and that is of course followed by severe depression. I have recently contacted his family because of my concerns.
This past weekend, his family did an intervention and he agreed to go into a rehab center. He has been in since Saturday. I know that this is not about me and that I need to focus on his recovery but my mind is going in so many different directions right now and I really don't know where else to turn as I can't drive all of my friends or family crazy asking them things they have no answers to. I have choose to create an account on here thinking that maybe I will meet some people who have been or are in similar situations.
I have not been able to sleep as the little bit of communication that we have had since Saturday has not been pleasant. He has called home and wants to know when he is coming home and then gets angry and hangs up. At yesterday's visit he held me in his arms for a few minutes and cried then after we all talked (family and counselor) he ended up getting frustrating and walking out. today is day 3 and when he called home he sounded different, he sounded as if his spirits were coming around.
In my mind, my obsessive mind I keep thinking that when all of this is said and done he isn't going to love me anymore or that he will meet someone else in rehab that is in the same boat as him I don't know how to turn these thoughts off. I, of course want nothing more than for him to get better and come home. I am being strong for him but it's just hard.
If anyone can provide any comfort to me I will appreciate it so much.
thank you
This past weekend, his family did an intervention and he agreed to go into a rehab center. He has been in since Saturday. I know that this is not about me and that I need to focus on his recovery but my mind is going in so many different directions right now and I really don't know where else to turn as I can't drive all of my friends or family crazy asking them things they have no answers to. I have choose to create an account on here thinking that maybe I will meet some people who have been or are in similar situations.
I have not been able to sleep as the little bit of communication that we have had since Saturday has not been pleasant. He has called home and wants to know when he is coming home and then gets angry and hangs up. At yesterday's visit he held me in his arms for a few minutes and cried then after we all talked (family and counselor) he ended up getting frustrating and walking out. today is day 3 and when he called home he sounded different, he sounded as if his spirits were coming around.
In my mind, my obsessive mind I keep thinking that when all of this is said and done he isn't going to love me anymore or that he will meet someone else in rehab that is in the same boat as him I don't know how to turn these thoughts off. I, of course want nothing more than for him to get better and come home. I am being strong for him but it's just hard.
If anyone can provide any comfort to me I will appreciate it so much.
thank you
Forum Leader
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 10,944
Hi Waiting, and Welcome to SR!
You have found a wonderful place for support with people who do understand.
One thing we learn here and in our face-to-face Al-Anon meetings is something called the 3 C's......
We did not cause the addiction.
We cannot control the addict.
We cannot cure the addict.
These three things are very hard to accept, but are very freeing as well.
You see, you don't focus on his recovery, because that is his property, his fight. It's so hard for those of us who care for someone with this disease of addiction, but we learn that we can only change ourselves, not anyone else.
Please take good care of you. Try to distract your mind by some activities that you enjoy. Keep reading the boards, especially the stickes at the top of each forum.
We're glad you are here, although very sorry for what brings you.....
Hugs, HG
You have found a wonderful place for support with people who do understand.
One thing we learn here and in our face-to-face Al-Anon meetings is something called the 3 C's......
We did not cause the addiction.
We cannot control the addict.
We cannot cure the addict.
These three things are very hard to accept, but are very freeing as well.
You see, you don't focus on his recovery, because that is his property, his fight. It's so hard for those of us who care for someone with this disease of addiction, but we learn that we can only change ourselves, not anyone else.
Please take good care of you. Try to distract your mind by some activities that you enjoy. Keep reading the boards, especially the stickes at the top of each forum.
We're glad you are here, although very sorry for what brings you.....
Hugs, HG
I'm no angel!
Join Date: May 2005
Location: tampa, fl
Posts: 6,728
Welcome,
Lots of wonderful understanding people here. Take some time to read the stickeys and others posts. may give you a better idea of what you are dealing with.
Take this time away from him to rediscover you, this is his battle to fight, there isn't a darn thing you can do.
Have you read CoDependent No More? Great read.
Keep posting, it will help.
Lots of wonderful understanding people here. Take some time to read the stickeys and others posts. may give you a better idea of what you are dealing with.
Take this time away from him to rediscover you, this is his battle to fight, there isn't a darn thing you can do.
Have you read CoDependent No More? Great read.
Keep posting, it will help.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Indiana
Posts: 2
thank you
I am so glad I decided to join this forum. I have been lost in this for a long time, but the past 3 days have been so trying for me. As I have had to hold myself together for my kids, for me, and for him.
I miss him.
I have read co dependent no more. I actually came across it one day on the internet and ordered it off of amazon the same day. Couldn't put it down, as I found myself thinking "oh my gosh this is me."
thanks again.
I miss him.
I have read co dependent no more. I actually came across it one day on the internet and ordered it off of amazon the same day. Couldn't put it down, as I found myself thinking "oh my gosh this is me."
thanks again.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: The Jungle
Posts: 5,435
Welcome to SR.......this is a wonderful forum that you have stumbled upon. There are so many people here who understand what it's like to love an addict.
One of my initial motivating factors for getting heavily involved here on SR, in Alanon and Naranon were the words that were spoken at my son's first inpatient rehab. They said "The chances of the addict staying in recovery is greater, if family members are working a program as well."
That was all I needed to hear to get busy! Perhaps it is time for you to get busy too! By joining Alanon or Naranon, I am f2f with people who understand what I am going through and I've been able to speak the "same language" as my loved one when he is in recovery (he is currently not in recovery but I'm ok). I now understand how important it is to work on myself and allow him the opportunity to do so for himself....or not. I don't control him...I only control me. I now understand that I don't have to wait for him to be clean and sober to be happy. I make it happen now.
We're glad you're here. Stick around. Read a lot. Ask for help when you need support. We're open 24/7.
gentle hugs
ke
One of my initial motivating factors for getting heavily involved here on SR, in Alanon and Naranon were the words that were spoken at my son's first inpatient rehab. They said "The chances of the addict staying in recovery is greater, if family members are working a program as well."
That was all I needed to hear to get busy! Perhaps it is time for you to get busy too! By joining Alanon or Naranon, I am f2f with people who understand what I am going through and I've been able to speak the "same language" as my loved one when he is in recovery (he is currently not in recovery but I'm ok). I now understand how important it is to work on myself and allow him the opportunity to do so for himself....or not. I don't control him...I only control me. I now understand that I don't have to wait for him to be clean and sober to be happy. I make it happen now.
We're glad you're here. Stick around. Read a lot. Ask for help when you need support. We're open 24/7.
gentle hugs
ke
Member
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 3,335
Hi.Welcome. Keep reading and posting. We have no control over what other people do. We only have control over what we do and how we react to others.
What's worse is addiction is a cunning and baffling disease. Trying to "help" an addict get better only makes things worse. It's called enabling. It's counter intuitive, but the only "real" way to "help" an addict is to back off and let them do what they are going to do, even if we don't agree with it or like it.
In order to do this, we must refocus all our energies on ourselves - on our emotional and physical wellbeing, so that no matter what the addict chooses to do with their life, we can still happy and successful.
What's worse is addiction is a cunning and baffling disease. Trying to "help" an addict get better only makes things worse. It's called enabling. It's counter intuitive, but the only "real" way to "help" an addict is to back off and let them do what they are going to do, even if we don't agree with it or like it.
In order to do this, we must refocus all our energies on ourselves - on our emotional and physical wellbeing, so that no matter what the addict chooses to do with their life, we can still happy and successful.
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