My wife doesn't think I'm an addict/alcoholic
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Join Date: May 2011
Posts: 34
My wife doesn't think I'm an addict/alcoholic
Last year I went to treatment after I had finally had enough. After 18 years of drinking and doing drugs, ups and downs, my use finally caught up with me and I became dependent. I chose to get help and change my life. My issue is this.... It's been over a year now since I went to treatment and got sober. My wife still does not think I am an addict or alcoholic. She thinks AA is a cult. She never said she was proud of me when I picked up my one year chip last month. She is also a daily pot user, but keeps her pot locked up and doesn't smoke in front of me. I'm really starting to wonder if I'm with the right person. She never supported me going to treatment and says they brainwashed me. (my brain needed washing..LOL) She didn't want me in treatment and thinks I'm not an alcoholic because I can be around people drinking and it doesn't bother me (it does bother me, but I can tolorate it some). She says I abondoned her when i went off to treatment for 3 months, but from the day I entered treatment she didn't want me there and I knew I could not come home, because she didn't support me wanting to stop drugs and boozing. The pot issue was a big concern for me. When I got home from treatment she didn't have it locked up, even after i told her too. I have to admit I kept a lot hidden from her and she thinks I would not drink for 3-4 days, not true.
We are both seeing phycologists now and they see her lacking knowledge about addiction and alcoholism. I'm having a very hard time with this. I just want her to get it! I'd also like her to stop smoking pot daily. She doesn't drink in the house, nor seldom, but the pot use bothers me...even with it being away from me. I can have a whole week were I'm fine with it, then a day or two where it bothers me a lot. That has been tougher for me to quit, since it was a drug of choice for so long. However, I quit that too when I went to treatment last year.
I am yet to meet anyone in recovery that has simular situation as me, a wife that doesn't support their sober choice and thinks they are not an alcoholic or addict.
I know I am and I can't control what she thinks, but how long do i show patience, love, tolerance, kindness, and understanding???
Is there hope for us?
We are both seeing phycologists now and they see her lacking knowledge about addiction and alcoholism. I'm having a very hard time with this. I just want her to get it! I'd also like her to stop smoking pot daily. She doesn't drink in the house, nor seldom, but the pot use bothers me...even with it being away from me. I can have a whole week were I'm fine with it, then a day or two where it bothers me a lot. That has been tougher for me to quit, since it was a drug of choice for so long. However, I quit that too when I went to treatment last year.
I am yet to meet anyone in recovery that has simular situation as me, a wife that doesn't support their sober choice and thinks they are not an alcoholic or addict.
I know I am and I can't control what she thinks, but how long do i show patience, love, tolerance, kindness, and understanding???
Is there hope for us?
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,454
Welcome to SR FJcruisin
i have no experience myself but if you go read our newcomer or alcoholism forums, you'll find this actually can be pretty common.
I'm glad you're both seeing psychologists.
As weed was one of my drugs of choice, I'd find it hard to be with someone who still openly used weed around me.
D
i have no experience myself but if you go read our newcomer or alcoholism forums, you'll find this actually can be pretty common.
I'm glad you're both seeing psychologists.
As weed was one of my drugs of choice, I'd find it hard to be with someone who still openly used weed around me.
D
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Join Date: May 2011
Posts: 34
cynical one, my thoughts exactlly. But you can't be addicted to pot she says. Ahhhh, the things we addicts tell ourselves....
She's stoned right now. Everyday around 630 she says I'm going to take a shower and she does, but spends an extra 20 minutes smoking in the bathroom with the shower and fan going. Most days it doesn't bother me, but usually a couple times a week it will. Tonight it's got me pretty worked up, so I left and went to another room in the house. It's gross to me now. I don't even want to look at her because it reminds me of my own addiction to the stuff for 18 years.
I'm trying to focus on my higher power and take care of myself, but it's hard.
She's stoned right now. Everyday around 630 she says I'm going to take a shower and she does, but spends an extra 20 minutes smoking in the bathroom with the shower and fan going. Most days it doesn't bother me, but usually a couple times a week it will. Tonight it's got me pretty worked up, so I left and went to another room in the house. It's gross to me now. I don't even want to look at her because it reminds me of my own addiction to the stuff for 18 years.
I'm trying to focus on my higher power and take care of myself, but it's hard.
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Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: The Jungle
Posts: 5,435
You're doing great! Congrats on the one year chip! That's such an important recovery milestone!
As for your wife's denial, lack of support, and continued use of pot.....you can't control her. You can't force her to accept anything. You can set boundaries though.
Keep working your program. And you might consider throwing in an Alanon or Naranon meeting in the mix. It may help you cope with your wife's refusal to accept what you have come to terms with. There are a lot of people on this forum who are double winners.
gentle hugs
ke
As for your wife's denial, lack of support, and continued use of pot.....you can't control her. You can't force her to accept anything. You can set boundaries though.
Keep working your program. And you might consider throwing in an Alanon or Naranon meeting in the mix. It may help you cope with your wife's refusal to accept what you have come to terms with. There are a lot of people on this forum who are double winners.
gentle hugs
ke
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Join Date: Mar 2009
Posts: 741
You may now have a great opportunity to fall into what I have heard termed the "double winner category"....
Meaning that you are recovering from addiction while also dealing with someone who is still addicted. There are many people here on SR who seem to be in the same boat.
I assume you are involved in some sort of 12 step or recovery program - have you considered Nar-Anon? I believe that is the one for family/friends of drug addicts - SR folks, feel free to correct me.....
Many of us have learned to deal with addicts and alcoholics and still have happy, productive lives. You may have to do the same if you can't get your point across, she chooses to remain addicted and/or you can't bring yourself to come to some other resolution.
Can't hurt to look into it, right?
Meaning that you are recovering from addiction while also dealing with someone who is still addicted. There are many people here on SR who seem to be in the same boat.
I assume you are involved in some sort of 12 step or recovery program - have you considered Nar-Anon? I believe that is the one for family/friends of drug addicts - SR folks, feel free to correct me.....
Many of us have learned to deal with addicts and alcoholics and still have happy, productive lives. You may have to do the same if you can't get your point across, she chooses to remain addicted and/or you can't bring yourself to come to some other resolution.
Can't hurt to look into it, right?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2011
Posts: 34
Thank you for the advice. I have been very involved in AA and thought about going to a Nar-anon or Al-anon meeting for support. I feel it would be helpful to meet some others in the same situation. This forum is a god-send for me, thanks everyone.
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