mazzie

Hi all. Just went to see my dd for a family session in his dual diagnosis program yesterday. I took some of the kids well, i guess. The kids were glad they could go. The month before he went I told him not to come home untill he got treatment and now he is there going on his 2nd out of 3 weeks that they thhink he needs. Here's the thing, I don't know how its going to be when he comes back, I've found out since that he had many blackout times that he does't remember what he did. I found out also that during this time he was unfaithful. He didn't believe that he did some of the things i said me until I told him that there was proof in his phone (yes, when he left for treatment i went through all his drawers, jackets, phone, ect. like a crazy person not even sure what i was looking for). My ex husband and I split because he cheated on me and that since was a LARGE no tolerance boundary for me. I don't know if able to come to terms with the fact that it was during blackouts, which, logically, make sence, but even if he doesn't remember it, I now have do know. My other issue is that there are stepchildren involved who are terrified that they will have to go back to their moms if we split. I have raised them, and they are just as important to me as my own two. I've only admited his cheating to my councellor. She is helpful, but I am so confused. With my ex, I found out he cheated many times over our 13 years, and 3 of them times I ended up dragging another person in and vindictively cheating on him so that I could make myself feel "ok" about staying together. Just really confused. How can I be a good role model for our kids, all have seen the opposite parents addictions, and not learn forgiveness for myself. I don't know how to react with my stepkids when they have to learn that with dad no matter what I decide. I have instilled in my kids that cheating is unacceptabe and I don't know if they will be able to forgive him for that if they find out as well, mine and his are all 16 and under. Can anybody help me to come to terms so that I can help them as well.

Kindeyes

I am so sorry that you are dealing with all of this. It is hard. Kids make it even harder.

One day at a time.....you don't need to make any decisions right now. He's where he needs to be and that's a good thing.

gentle hugs
ke

suki44883

Is it possible for him to transfer to a sober living facility when he leaves his current program? That would give you more time to decide what you truly want. One thing I will say is that alcohol will not cause a person to cheat on their spouse. Yes, it lowers inhibitions, but it won't cause a person to do something they would not ordinarily do. When a person is in blackout stage, they aren't a zombie without a brain in their head. Depending on their drinking history, they might not even be all that drunk. The more advanced the disease, the less alcohol it takes to cause blackout.

Of course, it's your decision, but if his cheating happened more than one time, I would definitely take that into consideration before deciding whether or not to move on with the relationship.