beachybabe

Well, as you guys know, he is out of town working with his dad. After speaking to him tonight he basically told me he has to smoke pot to deal with me. Wow, really. I was feeling pretty strong after being on here all day, reading everyones response and browsing other parts. I even ordered the book Learn to letting go by Melody.

He said he cant deal with all of this and that since he doesnt have a stable job its too much pressure and he cant afford his half of rent $750. He said he is sick of me bitchin about him smoking and he is tired of runnning everything past me, he just wants to do what he wants.

I am crying as I write this, I feel like ****. Yes, I was planning on leaving, but I was pretty sure he was gonna at least try to get me to stay or admit hes been wrong or something. Now here I am again...heartbroken from him. God I dont know why I keep doing this to myself.

When I was talking to him on the phone, it was so crazy, the things he was saying were almost exactly what he said when he was over at his dads (when he relapsed, but I had yet to figure that out) it was almost like a recording playing again.

I asked him if he was using more than pot, wants to run the streets or whatever and he just anwsered a frustrated no he just wants to come up and he cant do that paying rent....idk wtf is going on anymore....this sucks so bad....i dont even think im going to sleep tonight..

CanfixONLYme

You're going thru some crap that's for sure - ;( and it sucks to be in that mental state esp. after he said such hurtful things to you. Right now he is not the man you fell in love with - that guy has been taken over by this other dude who just wants to toke up and spend his $ w/o any responsibility. I'm sure he didn't come to this stupid decision on his own as you mentioned his own father does drugs with him (winner!). Sigh... Cry, vent, mourn and don't feel guilty when the anger comes. Try to channel that into doing things for yourself - I went for alot of walks when my ah went somewhat nuts last summer.

I spent so much time worrying about him and analyzing everything he was doing (or not doing) that I forgot about myself. ;( keep reading these posts if you can't sleep - try if you can to breathe (I forget this when I'm upset) and know that tomorrow is a new day.

Dont be surprised if he comes a calling when he's done being selfish. You will be the only judge to determine your feelings and further actions if that happens. The key tho like I'm finally learning is to take care of you. Then all the rest will find it's natural order (esp if we are true to our own self).

Take care k? Big hugs from vancouver bc

laurie6781

He is doing what A's do best. Pointing the finger (blame) at someone else ............................. in this case you. It is called DENIAL.

Of course, it does not help that he is with his dad, another practicing A, but he could be with anyone, as anyone he picks will be an A also, to reinforce his false reality.

Please keep working on you so you can heal.

We are here for you in spirit so please keep posting to let us know how YOU are doing as we do care very much.

Love and hugs,

beachybabe

Thanks guys....i slept probably about 2 hours last night! and getting my girls ready for school this morning was a challenge, but i managed to keep it together for them.

I spoke to him off and on last night...i really think he is using something else. I mean he is just like im sick of this im sick of that and somehow I am responisble for all his problems?? Ive done nothing but support him and help him and try to encourage him!!! He said when I told him I was going to leave due to the pot smoke that that made something 'click' in him and he realized he wanted MORE for his life. Wow I cant even believe it as I am writing it. Im just sad, I wish he would come back to his senses...and heartbroken Im sitting here with all of our **** in the house with his clothes, pictures..while he is over there getting so stoned he probably cant feel a thing....oh lordy its going to be a loooooong day.

Kindeyes

I am so sorry your heart is hurting.

I have found that when my son says things like that, it is his way of giving ME an ultimatum. He's going to do XYZ.....and if I want him in my life, I'll deal with it. So I have a choice.....I can either say ok...I don't like it but I'll accept that you do XYZ without further comment because I want you in my life OR Alright, you do XYZ and that doesn't fit within my lifestyle choices and I can't accept it so I will accept that you will no longer be in my life.

Addicts are tricky. They manipulate very effectively. They use our love against us and employ emotionally painful methods of torture....if we let them. Sometimes I think I'd rather be waterboarded than tortured with the emotional/psychological stuff the addict in my life shells out!

Focus on yourself and your girls. Do what is best for you and your lifestyle choices and other good things will follow.

gentle hugs
ke

lockedout

Thank you all for the wisdom and guidance.

I don't mean to hijack your thread, but my experience is somewhat similar. My XAGF last spoke to me 3 weeks ago. We were talking about meeting my parents, and having her stay over at my place with my kids. Big steps forward.

Then suddenly, lots of anger and belittlement pointed at me. How I was unworthy. I honestly don't know what happened. Perhaps she relapsed again, or her bipolar conditions flared up.

Regardless, she broke up with me and told me never to contact her again. In my pain, I threw out everything she had at my apartment. I just didn't want to see it. Now, it's a mixture of sadness, confusion, and anger. I didn't deserve that treatment - - and its the last thing that I told her.

Just got the Melody Beattie books in the mail along with a few others. Am trying to take care of myself. Learning to simply respond and not react.

I feel your pain. Thank you for sharing it and allowing me to do the same.

Eddiebuckle

BB,

Now that's addiction talking straight at you. More as in, do whatever the h* he wants to, ideally with you to pay half his rent.

I know this hurts, but you are not dealing with a human here, you are dealing with his addiction. He's chosen it over all else, so be glad you know where you stand because otherwise you'd be strung along for god knows how much longer and through what kind of BS.

Be thankful that at least you know where you stand and what to do. Be safe, and be the mom you are meant to be for your kids.

Edd