AS tantrums & unwillingness to accept consequences
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Join Date: Jun 2010
Posts: 341
AS tantrums & unwillingness to accept consequences
As I shared recently, my AS son who is in outpatient recovery for heroin addiction, has been using 'spice'. He blew $220 in 6 days after he got is GR check. I told him I would not give him that much money a day to get to and from outpatient, testing, and to and from meetings, as well as for occasional cigarettes, as a consequence. He needs to learn to manage his money and not spend it on things that get him high. I won't give him money so he can get high.
I tried phoning to the outpatient place several times this week and also emailed them asking general questions about how the program works. I have not been able to get through to them for any support.
I have given my son about $10-$15 dollars every 2 days for him to stretch out. I told him he may have to make a pack of cigarettes last 2 days for now. On Monday he had a major fit and tantrum that even caused one of my neighbors to come out and ask him to stop yelling. He was calmer for the next couple of days. On Wednesday he asked for money to go to a meeting and then go out with his friends after the meeting. I was sick with a cold and too tired to get change, so I gave him a $20 and told him to bring back$10. He only brought back $6.
Thursday I gave him $10 to go to a meeting on the bus and to get to and from outpatient on Friday.
Now it's Friday and he's asking for/ demanding more money.
To get to the point.....he claims he's not smoking spice anymore and is angry because I'm treating him like an addict! I told him he's acting like one and needs to acccept the consequences of his betraying my trust, and as a result I don't want to give him that much money, nor can I afford it. I'm very straigth with him about the situation and told him that he needs to work on this and work his program.
He is beyond fitful tonight because I would only give him $4 to go to a meeting. (I would have possibly given him more but when he started going off and yelling and blaming me for everything I quickly realized he's probably desperate for more spice.)
He says he's not using it, but I'm not sure. I think he sold $39 in food stamps yesterday. He even asked if he could use my card today, but I said no.
I told him that he has to abide by the way things work in my home and that I don't appreciate having my peace of mind disturbed, or my privacy. I told him he's acting like a four year old having a tantrum.
So.......doesn't it sound like he's obesessing and tantrumming about money because he wants to get more stuff?? He says he can't buy it in a store anymore.
He was also threatening to go out and rob somebody for money. he is out of his mind tonight and can't calm down. he's blaming me for everything. It's like he won't stop until he gets his way.
He says he should be given credit for the fact that at least he's not shooting heroin and robbing people and feels I'm just focused on the negative.
I also reminded him that if I didn't agreee to let him stay here, (for what I thought was temporary until a bed in inpatient opened up) while he was in outpatient, he would still be sitting in jail waiting for a bed.
It doesn't seem to matter what I say to him. It seems he's deep in the throngs of addiction again. I don't think he's really comitted to his program and recovery and is just kinda white knuckling it and going through motions. He doesn't have a sponsor yet and doesn't go to meetings as often as he should.
So....I don't want to send him back to jail. I am glad he's not shooting heroin, but his behavior is still unpredictable and disturbing. I'm not making much headway getting through to anyone at the recovery place.
I really don't want to deal with this much more. I feel I have no options or support, but I don't want to be scared of my son or feel threatened that he'll hurt himself to get back at me.
He's getting close to being able to look for work soon, per the program's requirements. Today his old boss contacted him online about working for him again.
At this point, if he doesn't calm down and get serious about his recovery, I kind of hope he'd just get a job, hopefully let me help him save his money, so he can move out.
I'm sure there isn't much you all can say that you haven't said before, but I feel I have to express my concerns. My son't unpredicatable tantrums really worry me, especially when they're over the issue of money.
I tried phoning to the outpatient place several times this week and also emailed them asking general questions about how the program works. I have not been able to get through to them for any support.
I have given my son about $10-$15 dollars every 2 days for him to stretch out. I told him he may have to make a pack of cigarettes last 2 days for now. On Monday he had a major fit and tantrum that even caused one of my neighbors to come out and ask him to stop yelling. He was calmer for the next couple of days. On Wednesday he asked for money to go to a meeting and then go out with his friends after the meeting. I was sick with a cold and too tired to get change, so I gave him a $20 and told him to bring back$10. He only brought back $6.
Thursday I gave him $10 to go to a meeting on the bus and to get to and from outpatient on Friday.
Now it's Friday and he's asking for/ demanding more money.
To get to the point.....he claims he's not smoking spice anymore and is angry because I'm treating him like an addict! I told him he's acting like one and needs to acccept the consequences of his betraying my trust, and as a result I don't want to give him that much money, nor can I afford it. I'm very straigth with him about the situation and told him that he needs to work on this and work his program.
He is beyond fitful tonight because I would only give him $4 to go to a meeting. (I would have possibly given him more but when he started going off and yelling and blaming me for everything I quickly realized he's probably desperate for more spice.)
He says he's not using it, but I'm not sure. I think he sold $39 in food stamps yesterday. He even asked if he could use my card today, but I said no.
I told him that he has to abide by the way things work in my home and that I don't appreciate having my peace of mind disturbed, or my privacy. I told him he's acting like a four year old having a tantrum.
So.......doesn't it sound like he's obesessing and tantrumming about money because he wants to get more stuff?? He says he can't buy it in a store anymore.
He was also threatening to go out and rob somebody for money. he is out of his mind tonight and can't calm down. he's blaming me for everything. It's like he won't stop until he gets his way.
He says he should be given credit for the fact that at least he's not shooting heroin and robbing people and feels I'm just focused on the negative.
I also reminded him that if I didn't agreee to let him stay here, (for what I thought was temporary until a bed in inpatient opened up) while he was in outpatient, he would still be sitting in jail waiting for a bed.
It doesn't seem to matter what I say to him. It seems he's deep in the throngs of addiction again. I don't think he's really comitted to his program and recovery and is just kinda white knuckling it and going through motions. He doesn't have a sponsor yet and doesn't go to meetings as often as he should.
So....I don't want to send him back to jail. I am glad he's not shooting heroin, but his behavior is still unpredictable and disturbing. I'm not making much headway getting through to anyone at the recovery place.
I really don't want to deal with this much more. I feel I have no options or support, but I don't want to be scared of my son or feel threatened that he'll hurt himself to get back at me.
He's getting close to being able to look for work soon, per the program's requirements. Today his old boss contacted him online about working for him again.
At this point, if he doesn't calm down and get serious about his recovery, I kind of hope he'd just get a job, hopefully let me help him save his money, so he can move out.
I'm sure there isn't much you all can say that you haven't said before, but I feel I have to express my concerns. My son't unpredicatable tantrums really worry me, especially when they're over the issue of money.
totfit
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Ft Collins, CO
Posts: 1,273
Maybe stop giving him any money? Doesn't sound as if he is trying to recover, but I wouldn't know. If it were me and this kept up I wouldn't hesitate to show him the door. I know its not that easy, but it may be the best.
1000 Post Club
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Midwest USA
Posts: 2,284
Maybe buy him a bike so he can ride it to outpatient. A person can commute on a bicycle a good 5+ miles a day. If he is using heroin he would not be able to ride that far. I'm not sure what this "spice" is. I assume it's legalized pot or something?
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: Exactly where my HP wants me to be
Posts: 136
Hmm. Forgive me, 'cause I've been out of the loop for a while, but you kind of contradict yourself. You say that you want him to learn how to budget his money, yet you're the one controlling his money. How is he going to learn if he doesn't do it himself? I understand that he's blown his money before, but has he ever felt the consequences of blowing his money?
If he takes his money and blows it all on spice then he can have the negative consequences of walking instead of riding a bus and he can go without cigarettes. Just my opinion...
If he takes his money and blows it all on spice then he can have the negative consequences of walking instead of riding a bus and he can go without cigarettes. Just my opinion...
RIP Sweet Suki
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: In my sanctuary, my home
Posts: 39,917
With all due respect, vaya, he isn't facing the consequences of his bad choices because you are making it too easy for him not to. I've been with you from the beginning, vaya, and I know how much you love your son, but honestly, you are not doing him any favors. By giving him any money at all, you are showing him that you are still an easy touch. All he has to do is throw a hissy fit, threaten to go rob someone (which would be a one-way trip out the door in my home) and you give in. Yes, I know you give him less than you used to, but you shouldn't be giving him anything at all. If he blows his money in a couple of days, then whatever happens because of that is not your problem, it should be his. How can he learn to make his money last all month if you give him $5 or $10 dollars here and there until he gets his next check? How is he learning anything except that mom will come through in a pinch?
Member
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Southwestern, Pennsylvania
Posts: 210
Ahhh...the old "I'll just go rob somebody if you won't give me the money, and then you'll REALLY be sorry" line..heard it often, fell for it way more often than I like to think.
Guess what I found out Vaya, They will take your last dollar without blinking and STILL go steal from someone else for more. It doesn't matter to them that you can't afford it. If he knows that he can blow through his money and then count on you to get him through the rest of the month, you can bet your booty he's gonna do that..I can tell you that for free hun
Vaya, this will make you crazy if you let it...I mean truly fall down, hysterical, rip your hair out crazy. I Know coz I've been there. I think we all have to play out this nightmare for as long as it takes us to 'get it', and I think you are getting close. One thing you can be sure of, if he goes out to steal money because you refuse to give him any, it's NOT YOUR FAULT. He knows you love him and he knows how much money he needs to get through the month for bus fare, smokes, etc. As long as you cover his overhead, it's going to spiral more and more.
Sorry you are going through this, but as I said before, I think we all have to go through it in our own time..sooner or later the lightbulb will go off and your survival instinct will kick in...and only then will you decide if you are gonna let go or be dragged...
I'm praying for you and your boy, praying for peace in each of your souls...and the strength to get through this... ((hugs))
PS: Keep reading the 'stickies'...over and over and over...they are a great resource when we think we can save them from themselves...
Guess what I found out Vaya, They will take your last dollar without blinking and STILL go steal from someone else for more. It doesn't matter to them that you can't afford it. If he knows that he can blow through his money and then count on you to get him through the rest of the month, you can bet your booty he's gonna do that..I can tell you that for free hun
Vaya, this will make you crazy if you let it...I mean truly fall down, hysterical, rip your hair out crazy. I Know coz I've been there. I think we all have to play out this nightmare for as long as it takes us to 'get it', and I think you are getting close. One thing you can be sure of, if he goes out to steal money because you refuse to give him any, it's NOT YOUR FAULT. He knows you love him and he knows how much money he needs to get through the month for bus fare, smokes, etc. As long as you cover his overhead, it's going to spiral more and more.
Sorry you are going through this, but as I said before, I think we all have to go through it in our own time..sooner or later the lightbulb will go off and your survival instinct will kick in...and only then will you decide if you are gonna let go or be dragged...
I'm praying for you and your boy, praying for peace in each of your souls...and the strength to get through this... ((hugs))
PS: Keep reading the 'stickies'...over and over and over...they are a great resource when we think we can save them from themselves...
Jujubee Queen
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: Port Charlotte, Florida
Posts: 3,582
(((vaya)))
STOP giving any money. JUST stop.
Enabling is providing something for someone who can provide it for themselves.
You are his Bank, and you need to close the bank and put bars on the doors and windows.
Believe me, they will nickel and dime you to death.
And the part regarding "I just hope he'll let me help him save his money, so he can move out" The "help him" part is not right.
I realize you want him out A.S.A.P. but give him a timeline to move, after he has a job and stick to it.
Hugs from one mom to another............
STOP giving any money. JUST stop.
Enabling is providing something for someone who can provide it for themselves.
You are his Bank, and you need to close the bank and put bars on the doors and windows.
Believe me, they will nickel and dime you to death.
And the part regarding "I just hope he'll let me help him save his money, so he can move out" The "help him" part is not right.
I realize you want him out A.S.A.P. but give him a timeline to move, after he has a job and stick to it.
Hugs from one mom to another............
Forum Leader
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 10,944
Originally Posted by Hurtbad2505 
Guess what I found out Vaya, They will take your last dollar without blinking and STILL go steal from someone else for more. It doesn't matter to them that you can't afford it.
((((Vaya)))) You son does seem to know where you keep all your "buttons" doesn't he? You can have peace and quiet and serenity again.....that power is yours!
Hugs and prayers, HG
I AM CANADIAN
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Niagara Region, Canada
Posts: 2,578
are you in AL ANON or NAR ANON?? I highly suggest you get there and FAST!...they can help you with the enabling and co dependecy issues that are here as MOTHER AND SON...
leave the guilt at the door
the 3C's
u did not cause this
u can not control this
and you can not cure this...this is used in AL ANON but its still good to know...if you get this...your on the right track...
now what about you?...go to a meeting and get a sponsor...it works IF YOU WORK IT...
its been a god sent for me...
~Maggie
leave the guilt at the door
the 3C's
u did not cause this
u can not control this
and you can not cure this...this is used in AL ANON but its still good to know...if you get this...your on the right track...
now what about you?...go to a meeting and get a sponsor...it works IF YOU WORK IT...
its been a god sent for me...
~Maggie
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2010
Posts: 341
Thank you all for still responding. When I continue to get so many responses that essentially say the same thing, then maybe there is something to what you're saying. What I'm wrestling with is whether or not to ask him to leave sooner than later.
He's meeting with someone this Friday about a job, so hopefully that will work out and he can start saving to get a place somewhere.
I don't know how much notice is fair to give him. I get so upset that I just want him to start finding somewhere else to live now.
I'm also thinking, or hoping?, that he'll decide to stop. I know I can't make him stop, and that he has to want to stop.
I tell him that he has to want to stop using anything. he justifies it by the fact that he's doing well according to the drug court program and counselors. I tell him to be honest with himself and stop playing games.
I've also told him that I'm getting tired or this situation. and having to monitor what he does, put up with his lies and his failure to follow my rules and disrespecting me. I don't know how much longer I want to put up with this if he doesn't stop. He made a deal with me when I agreed to outpatient, and that is that it would be a drug free environment. He justifies his smoking 'spice' by the fact that his younger brother smokes weed and doesn't have to be faced with the possibility of leaving. I explained I don't condone what his brother does, but his brother doesn't go to jail over it, spend all his money on it, and isn't in a drug court program right now. ( I do wish my youngest would give up weed, but I can't control whether or not he smokes it any more that I can control what my older AS does. ) it does make it harder to justify why AS should leave in this comparison.
I also explained AS doesn't have to leave if he stops smoking the stuff and spending all his money on it and stops putting me in the situation of having to monitor everything. Either he wants to be done with drugs or he doesn't. He has to choose.
Just as the addict much reach a bottom and get to the point of being sick and tired of being sick and tired, so must I, but I don't think it means I have to tell him to leave right away. In the interim I will check myself on not enabling him and trying to let him experience natural consequences of his actions and not let him push my buttons as easily.
He's meeting with someone this Friday about a job, so hopefully that will work out and he can start saving to get a place somewhere.
I don't know how much notice is fair to give him. I get so upset that I just want him to start finding somewhere else to live now.
I'm also thinking, or hoping?, that he'll decide to stop. I know I can't make him stop, and that he has to want to stop.
I tell him that he has to want to stop using anything. he justifies it by the fact that he's doing well according to the drug court program and counselors. I tell him to be honest with himself and stop playing games.
I've also told him that I'm getting tired or this situation. and having to monitor what he does, put up with his lies and his failure to follow my rules and disrespecting me. I don't know how much longer I want to put up with this if he doesn't stop. He made a deal with me when I agreed to outpatient, and that is that it would be a drug free environment. He justifies his smoking 'spice' by the fact that his younger brother smokes weed and doesn't have to be faced with the possibility of leaving. I explained I don't condone what his brother does, but his brother doesn't go to jail over it, spend all his money on it, and isn't in a drug court program right now. ( I do wish my youngest would give up weed, but I can't control whether or not he smokes it any more that I can control what my older AS does. ) it does make it harder to justify why AS should leave in this comparison.
I also explained AS doesn't have to leave if he stops smoking the stuff and spending all his money on it and stops putting me in the situation of having to monitor everything. Either he wants to be done with drugs or he doesn't. He has to choose.
Just as the addict much reach a bottom and get to the point of being sick and tired of being sick and tired, so must I, but I don't think it means I have to tell him to leave right away. In the interim I will check myself on not enabling him and trying to let him experience natural consequences of his actions and not let him push my buttons as easily.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: The Jungle
Posts: 5,435
vaya
It's obvious that you love your son very much. This is so very hard on a mother's heart. But you're right.......we all "get it" in our own time.
They say that we should work the program that we wish they would. Sometimes our (adult) children learn more from our actions than our words. I am working my program to the best of my ability. I go to one - two meetings a week. I read daily from Naranon literature. I'm here on SR daily and I pray.....a lot.
My son isn't getting better. He's in a spiral. It's very very hard to watch and without my program, I would be spiraling right along with him.....or dead. At least I am able to manage a little bit of control over that which I do control...me and my environment. Because I know that his life is not mine to manage.
You and your sons will be in my prayers.
gentle hugs
ke
It's obvious that you love your son very much. This is so very hard on a mother's heart. But you're right.......we all "get it" in our own time.
They say that we should work the program that we wish they would. Sometimes our (adult) children learn more from our actions than our words. I am working my program to the best of my ability. I go to one - two meetings a week. I read daily from Naranon literature. I'm here on SR daily and I pray.....a lot.
My son isn't getting better. He's in a spiral. It's very very hard to watch and without my program, I would be spiraling right along with him.....or dead. At least I am able to manage a little bit of control over that which I do control...me and my environment. Because I know that his life is not mine to manage.
You and your sons will be in my prayers.
gentle hugs
ke
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Chicago area
Posts: 4,269
Originally Posted by vaya
I also explained AS doesn't have to leave if he stops smoking the stuff and spending all his money on it and stops putting me in the situation of having to monitor everything. Either he wants to be done with drugs or he doesn't. He has to choose. [
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2010
Posts: 341
Help!!!!! My son is totally freaking out. He is going off and hurting himself because i won't give him money. He has a job opportunity to meet with someone tomorrow but is freaking out since i came home.
He started cutting his arm with a razor blade and bleeding because my neighbor said he'd call the police if my son wouldn't stop (they are really concerned for me and my safety)
i am about to call the pet emergency psych team. I told him to calm down and stop escalating and if he couldn't i would call them. He want to get high and is acting like he's in total withdrawals.
He asked his girlfriend to come and get him. He says he's leaving. I know its the addict in him and he's (unconsciously) looking for a reason to use, that's why he's blaming everything on me.
He considered moving into the shelter at the drug court program. I pray he will seriously consider that over just staying around places. I haven't told him he has to leave (yet) but that i don't think the outpatient program is working for him.
He's totally addicted to the spice and justifies using it because he's at least not shooting dope. I can't live with that. He said if he can't smoke spice and stay here he's leaving.
I'm afraid to call the pet team but don't know if i'm nuts for not doing so
help
He started cutting his arm with a razor blade and bleeding because my neighbor said he'd call the police if my son wouldn't stop (they are really concerned for me and my safety)
i am about to call the pet emergency psych team. I told him to calm down and stop escalating and if he couldn't i would call them. He want to get high and is acting like he's in total withdrawals.
He asked his girlfriend to come and get him. He says he's leaving. I know its the addict in him and he's (unconsciously) looking for a reason to use, that's why he's blaming everything on me.
He considered moving into the shelter at the drug court program. I pray he will seriously consider that over just staying around places. I haven't told him he has to leave (yet) but that i don't think the outpatient program is working for him.
He's totally addicted to the spice and justifies using it because he's at least not shooting dope. I can't live with that. He said if he can't smoke spice and stay here he's leaving.
I'm afraid to call the pet team but don't know if i'm nuts for not doing so
help
Jujubee Queen
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: Port Charlotte, Florida
Posts: 3,582
Vaya,
This is nothing YOU can fix.
If he is a danger to himself, OR others, make the call.
He is acting out due to the fact you refused to give him money.
Please call.
Hugs..........
This is nothing YOU can fix.
If he is a danger to himself, OR others, make the call.
He is acting out due to the fact you refused to give him money.
Please call.
Hugs..........
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Chicago area
Posts: 4,269
Originally Posted by vaya
He want to get high and is acting like he's in total withdrawals.
Protect yourself.
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: Exactly where my HP wants me to be
Posts: 136
He said that if he can't smoke spice and stay (in your home) he's leaving.
Do you have a drug free home or not? If your boundary is "no drug abuse while in my home" then it sounds as though he has made the decision and chosen spice over living with you.
Just my opinion.
Do you have a drug free home or not? If your boundary is "no drug abuse while in my home" then it sounds as though he has made the decision and chosen spice over living with you.
Just my opinion.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2010
Posts: 341
Thank you all for responding so quickly. Well....while I was deliberating about making the call his girlfriend arrived at his beckoning earlier to pick him up. I was about to call the number and talk to them to make an informal assessment over the phone and find out what would happen. I hate the fact that it seems whatever I choose to do will cause him to go to jail. Nonetheless, I was going to call anyway, in front of him to let him know I was serious, when she showed up.
Now, my neighbors are complaining about the fighting and yelling, mostly on his part. He has been more and more restless, disrespectful and argumentative.
He said he was sick of living here and was going to leave. I did suggest he go to the shelter the program offers, which he also suggested, but he said he'd wind up using dope there. (He used to sell it outside the place there) I said his choice.
He tried to blame me if he uses. I said no...your choice whatever you choose.
Out to LUnch....he isn't acting like he's shooting dope. The only thing he has been doing is the 'Spice' synthetic marijuana stuff. I've read it can cause withdrawals. The fact that he's an addict and using anything is likely to turn into the same symptoms and behaviors. IN whatever case, he's still addicted to using something and now can't get through without having something to use. He's supposed to meet with someone tomorrow about work, but says he has to have something so he can show up and work with the guy!!!!(Turns out it's the same boss he was working for before when he was doing heroin.)
I know that I am not doing him or me any good by letting him stay here. If he wants to leave mad and go who knows where, then I can't stop him. I tried and tried tonight to reach him and help him get a grip on the reality of things but he won't stop blaming me for being on his case and not giving him money. He thinks I'm easier on his brother when his brother messes up. ( His brother doesn't rob people to shoot heroin and make it his number one priority. His brother does have some things to deal with but it's not the same as his situation.) EVERYTHING CONNECTED WITH MY AS HAS TO DO WITH WHETHER OR NOT HE GOES TO PRISON OR JAIL!!!!
I did stand firm on not giving him money tonight. He's been getting through the week on the little I did give him at the beginning of the week and hasn't asked me for more...but now he's resentful with me for it.
If he just wasn't so desperate and could be reasoned with....but I'm afraid I'm in for more days like this since he doesnt' want to stop smoking 'spice'. He's obsessed with money again...and that means only that he's obsessed with having money to get something to get high on.
It's sooooooo painful for me to see him going backwards again. At the rate he's going, he may very likely wind up back where he was. he says he's not going to jail unless it's over shooting heroin. I fear he's not that far from going back out completely.
Sorry about reiterating and rambling.........I should have made the call, but I didn't. In whatever case, I know he can't stay here anymore. I just have to figure out what kind of timeline is reasonable. If I let him stay a bit more to set up some alternatives it has to be on the terms that he's clean and not freaking out or else I call the team, no matter what.
I'm hoping it can be a smooth departure, as far as possible. I pray he will come to his senses.....but it's getting harder and harder to reach him......
Now, my neighbors are complaining about the fighting and yelling, mostly on his part. He has been more and more restless, disrespectful and argumentative.
He said he was sick of living here and was going to leave. I did suggest he go to the shelter the program offers, which he also suggested, but he said he'd wind up using dope there. (He used to sell it outside the place there) I said his choice.
He tried to blame me if he uses. I said no...your choice whatever you choose.
Out to LUnch....he isn't acting like he's shooting dope. The only thing he has been doing is the 'Spice' synthetic marijuana stuff. I've read it can cause withdrawals. The fact that he's an addict and using anything is likely to turn into the same symptoms and behaviors. IN whatever case, he's still addicted to using something and now can't get through without having something to use. He's supposed to meet with someone tomorrow about work, but says he has to have something so he can show up and work with the guy!!!!(Turns out it's the same boss he was working for before when he was doing heroin.)
I know that I am not doing him or me any good by letting him stay here. If he wants to leave mad and go who knows where, then I can't stop him. I tried and tried tonight to reach him and help him get a grip on the reality of things but he won't stop blaming me for being on his case and not giving him money. He thinks I'm easier on his brother when his brother messes up. ( His brother doesn't rob people to shoot heroin and make it his number one priority. His brother does have some things to deal with but it's not the same as his situation.) EVERYTHING CONNECTED WITH MY AS HAS TO DO WITH WHETHER OR NOT HE GOES TO PRISON OR JAIL!!!!
I did stand firm on not giving him money tonight. He's been getting through the week on the little I did give him at the beginning of the week and hasn't asked me for more...but now he's resentful with me for it.
If he just wasn't so desperate and could be reasoned with....but I'm afraid I'm in for more days like this since he doesnt' want to stop smoking 'spice'. He's obsessed with money again...and that means only that he's obsessed with having money to get something to get high on.
It's sooooooo painful for me to see him going backwards again. At the rate he's going, he may very likely wind up back where he was. he says he's not going to jail unless it's over shooting heroin. I fear he's not that far from going back out completely.
Sorry about reiterating and rambling.........I should have made the call, but I didn't. In whatever case, I know he can't stay here anymore. I just have to figure out what kind of timeline is reasonable. If I let him stay a bit more to set up some alternatives it has to be on the terms that he's clean and not freaking out or else I call the team, no matter what.
I'm hoping it can be a smooth departure, as far as possible. I pray he will come to his senses.....but it's getting harder and harder to reach him......
The sun still shines
Join Date: Mar 2010
Posts: 472
I am sorry to say but I truly doubt it is only spice. My son told me for many years he was only doing weed and I believed him, even though his behaviour was much worse than someone "just doing weed". After he moved out I found needles in his room and when I came here and read, I realised many times when he told me he was "sick", he was going through withdrawals of something much worse than weed.
Do you know the question I asked my son many, many times before he moved out? Did he think it was fair that the whole family had to live constantly with the consequences of his bad decisions?
Do you think it is fair that you have to live with the consequences of your son's decisions? We deserve better and if our children continue to make the choices they do, we should not have to suffer too.
After my son moved out, I realised my 13-year old son has only had the first 3 years of his life living in a house without an addict. By trying to "help" my AS, I was very unfair towards my youngest son.
I hope you will get to a place of peace about letting your son go. He makes his choices. You do not have to feel guilty when you decide to protect yourself.
Do you know the question I asked my son many, many times before he moved out? Did he think it was fair that the whole family had to live constantly with the consequences of his bad decisions?
Do you think it is fair that you have to live with the consequences of your son's decisions? We deserve better and if our children continue to make the choices they do, we should not have to suffer too.
After my son moved out, I realised my 13-year old son has only had the first 3 years of his life living in a house without an addict. By trying to "help" my AS, I was very unfair towards my youngest son.
I hope you will get to a place of peace about letting your son go. He makes his choices. You do not have to feel guilty when you decide to protect yourself.
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