beckkkk

1st the ex gets accused of stealing his friend's pain medication(of course he says he didn't do it). Now I find he went to a pain specialist this past week. He is an addict who supposedly has been clean over 90 days. I have told him to be very transparent to me but he didn't think it was important to tell me about the doc appt. He claims he went there to have a hair follicle drug test as well as look into rooster crown injections for his knee. Hmmmm...well if that was the case why would he not be straightforward with me the day of his appointment. Why wait till I look at insurance and find it?

The conversation quickly turned ugly with him trying to be manipulative...saying his BP is so high he probably won't be around past summer, etc. Nauseating...I see the manipulation for what it is...finally!

I am both disappointed and frustrated! Disappointed that I would semi-trust what he says. Frustrated that I am doing this to myself still

I have to do NC....period. This is not good for me. I have to pull back and work on the only one I can help....me!

Ann

Expectations can let us down every time. It is futile to expect an active addict to tell us the truth, to be "transparent". It just doesn't happen. Even after getting clean, many need to learn how to stop telling lies. It's the nature of the disease.

I'm sorry this all bothers you (as it bothered most of us too at one time). What helped me and many here was to take the focus off them, and turn our time and attention to ourselves and our own healing and recovery. Meetings gave me back my balance, and working my own recovery.

Hugs

Kindeyes

Yes....help the one you can. It's all we can do.

gentle hugs
ke

keepinon

Ann is SO right on..I went 99% NC with my daughter AFTER she got out of rehab..now she was entiltled, angry, manipulative , and without her chosen coping mechanism (heroin)..she sstill 7 months later has alot of what I would consider "leftover" behavior..esp. in her romantic relationships..It takes alot of time..I agree....focus on yourself..get yourself healthy..you may not want this kind of thing anymore..

beckkkk

1 day of NC under my belt. I already feel better. I don't have to worry about the roller coaster ride of dealing with the addict. It is peaceful....

stacylove

Sorry about the hard times, but you are doing fabulous! I am proud and envious of you, I'm going to follow in your footsteps.

beckkkk

It does feel very good to know I have control over my life. Does it hurt not having him in it? Absolutely! I do have faith that it will get better, though.

I realized this was not healthy for me and ultimately this has to be done. I have to look out for myself.

And finally!!! I have listened to my instincts. The lies went on for many years and I would always try to explain them away, all the while my instinct screaming! I am not stupid, he will no longer treat me like I am stupid, time for him to help himself.

Be strong stacylove...you can do it!

stacylove

Thank you Beckk, you are on Day 2? I am on day one, you have inspired me

beckkkk

Yes, Day 2 and it felt even better than Day 1!!! You go stacy...we can do this together!!!

Soco88

Good luck!

stacylove

I'm bad I e-mailed mine, I have to start over again, lol, it feels like my drug addiction.