How do you deal with the disappearances?
Member
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Tn.
Posts: 29
I tell my children everyday how much they mean and how pretty they are how smart what all they can acheive. And when/everytime a situstion happens I will speak to them privately and in front of him letting them know that this is NOT ok and this is not was a relationship is supposed to be. This last episode I changed my locks and he is in home and not using as of 5 days but I am ready the first time he does to help him or pack his stuff myself. You are right with the therapy if I am taking them but still allowing him to live there and have all the same actions they would be confused which is why I have started therapy for them there appointments are on Monday and I AM READY at any given time to say it's time to go, and he knows I will call the police because the last time he put his hands on me Feb3rd I called and he went to jail. This is his 3rd state violation and he doesn't want the law called at all. It's a added bonus that NOTHING is in his name too! I am ready for this change and preparing for this change because it has been on going the whole relationship, he has been to re-hab numerous times and does great, then wrong people, or place and that could even be work it doesn't matter it's like a adiict can smell it like they are drug dogs I'm serious. But , "For with God nothing is impossible" Luke1:37. And again you ladies have been such motivational support emotional support something I've not felt for a LONG time and Thank Yall again
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: the moon, milky way
Posts: 1,250
You are doing the right thing by taking your kids to therapy. Witnessing what they did (dad's attempt) is too much for any child (or adult).
While adults can work through situations or 'plow through them' if they have to, children cannot. You are giving them close guidance which is what they need. While therapy can address that trauma they experienced.
And you are doing a great job btw. Even the best mom's in the world don't have all the answers. Your family will get through this.
While adults can work through situations or 'plow through them' if they have to, children cannot. You are giving them close guidance which is what they need. While therapy can address that trauma they experienced.
And you are doing a great job btw. Even the best mom's in the world don't have all the answers. Your family will get through this.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Norcross, GA
Posts: 19
Originally Posted by outtolunch 
We codependents tend to use the term boundaries to disguise our real intention to control other people.
There is an enormous difference between the two. Boundaries are the limits we place on ourselves in terms of what's acceptable to us. Boundaries let go of the outcome and respect that others are free to decide for themselves.
There is an enormous difference between the two. Boundaries are the limits we place on ourselves in terms of what's acceptable to us. Boundaries let go of the outcome and respect that others are free to decide for themselves.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: In a good place
Posts: 4,482
drinkingwater, that isn't a judgment or condemnation of you, it's sharing what's been learned
I've learned boundaries are for me, and rules are for others. Both need consequences. Consequences for violating my boundaries are done to protect me; consequences for broken rules are done to punish.
It's a bit of a shift in thinking, but it leads to personal clarity
I've learned boundaries are for me, and rules are for others. Both need consequences. Consequences for violating my boundaries are done to protect me; consequences for broken rules are done to punish.
It's a bit of a shift in thinking, but it leads to personal clarity
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