please take the bat from me!
Administrator
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: a better place
Posts: 4,047
((((Litehorse)))
You can put the bat down...No need for it.
I think most of us have picked it up at one point or another...I believe ...truly...despite having had my share of beating myself up, that it is just like worry...It serves absolutely no useful purpose, and is in fact very unhealthy.
As i have worked my recovery and taken steps to try to stop being the control freak I finally realized I was, I also discovered that it was true that I was not so powerful that all the woulda's and coulda's I thought about could truly have influenced anyone else.
So how about just a nice hug and a "I did the best I could in my situation and I am doing even better now?"
BTW, I absolutely love you horse signature!!
You can put the bat down...No need for it.
I think most of us have picked it up at one point or another...I believe ...truly...despite having had my share of beating myself up, that it is just like worry...It serves absolutely no useful purpose, and is in fact very unhealthy.
As i have worked my recovery and taken steps to try to stop being the control freak I finally realized I was, I also discovered that it was true that I was not so powerful that all the woulda's and coulda's I thought about could truly have influenced anyone else.
So how about just a nice hug and a "I did the best I could in my situation and I am doing even better now?"
BTW, I absolutely love you horse signature!!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: In a good place
Posts: 4,482
The only good purpose visiting all the 'what ifs' does for me, is to give myself a dress rehearsal if something similar happens again. My mistakes were education opportunities.
I like your horse sig, too. Ride the horse, don't beat it
I like your horse sig, too. Ride the horse, don't beat it
The sun still shines
Join Date: Mar 2010
Posts: 472
Litehorse, there are always things we think we could have done differently. Maybe we could and maybe we couldn't. It doesn't matter because life goes on and we did what we did.
On days I feel like that, I remind myself that my AS chose his own path and he has to walk it. I also know that whatever I think I did wrong, he has by now done much worse to himself.
I cannot see the future to know what good will come of today, but I trust good is inevitable. When our children finally emerge into the light, it will be so bright for them because their darkness was so dark. We have to trust that their lives are not in our hands and that they are ultimately safe, no matter what conditions their physical bodies find themselves in.
((((hugs to you)))))
On days I feel like that, I remind myself that my AS chose his own path and he has to walk it. I also know that whatever I think I did wrong, he has by now done much worse to himself.
I cannot see the future to know what good will come of today, but I trust good is inevitable. When our children finally emerge into the light, it will be so bright for them because their darkness was so dark. We have to trust that their lives are not in our hands and that they are ultimately safe, no matter what conditions their physical bodies find themselves in.
((((hugs to you)))))
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
(((Litehorse))) - I've often used the bat, not only for my codie stuff but for my addiction..just yesterday, as a matter of fact. I came here and read, talked to some people who are supportive and remind me of how far I've come (as have you), and the bat has been put away.
Like ((Chino)) once I get out of the funk, I look at it as a learning experience. Okay, I did this then...what would I do NOW if the same situation were to happen, knowing what I know?
You've made great strides, and I think most of us slip back into the "beating-ourself-up) but the more we work recovery, the more we get out of that feeling faster. You did great by reaching out here.
Remember the 3 C's, sweetie. Not to be cocky, but when I was using, no one could make me stop (except the law), and now that I'm clean, no one can make me use. It's all on me. Always has been.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
Like ((Chino)) once I get out of the funk, I look at it as a learning experience. Okay, I did this then...what would I do NOW if the same situation were to happen, knowing what I know?
You've made great strides, and I think most of us slip back into the "beating-ourself-up) but the more we work recovery, the more we get out of that feeling faster. You did great by reaching out here.
Remember the 3 C's, sweetie. Not to be cocky, but when I was using, no one could make me stop (except the law), and now that I'm clean, no one can make me use. It's all on me. Always has been.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
it is what it is
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Griffin GA
Posts: 454
all of you are so very right and i thank you for your encouragement - i really needed to hear those things - my bat has been put back in the closet - maybe one day i'll just throw it out for good! - i love the quote too - it seems to sum up what we are doing here
Sunny Side Up
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Sth Australia
Posts: 3,802
Hi LH
Im sorry you are feeling sad and Im glad you have put your bat away. I know guilt and sadness so well. I met up with them over a year ago. Guilt and sadness controlled me, the what if I had, what if I did etc etc maybe my sister would still be here today. I blamed myself. But I know I am an intelligent, loving woman, no matter what I should have, could have done, my sister would of made decisions anyway. I know that at the time, I was there and couldnt of done more. It took me over a year later to put my bat in the closet too and finally see that it wasnt my fault and that we do things at the time, to our best knowledge, that we are dealing with and thats that. We cant change what was, but we can change was is or can be.
My love to you JJ
Im sorry you are feeling sad and Im glad you have put your bat away. I know guilt and sadness so well. I met up with them over a year ago. Guilt and sadness controlled me, the what if I had, what if I did etc etc maybe my sister would still be here today. I blamed myself. But I know I am an intelligent, loving woman, no matter what I should have, could have done, my sister would of made decisions anyway. I know that at the time, I was there and couldnt of done more. It took me over a year later to put my bat in the closet too and finally see that it wasnt my fault and that we do things at the time, to our best knowledge, that we are dealing with and thats that. We cant change what was, but we can change was is or can be.
My love to you JJ
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Occasionally the What If's, Coulda Shoulda Woulda's and the really obnoxious If Only's come to visit my mind too, uninvited guests all of them.
When that happens, I look at the gift that life, exactly as it has been, brought me...the beautiful life I live today.
We do the best we can, and when we know better, we do better. That's good enough for me.
Hugs
When that happens, I look at the gift that life, exactly as it has been, brought me...the beautiful life I live today.
We do the best we can, and when we know better, we do better. That's good enough for me.
Hugs
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: The Jungle
Posts: 5,435
Litehorse
I would venture to say that all of us have taken that bat out and beat ourselves upside the head with on more than one occasion.
I'm glad that bat is safely stored back in the closet......hopefully never to be used again.
gentle hugs
I would venture to say that all of us have taken that bat out and beat ourselves upside the head with on more than one occasion.
I'm glad that bat is safely stored back in the closet......hopefully never to be used again.
gentle hugs
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