OT: Is my mom trying to hurt me or am I too sensitive?
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Join Date: May 2010
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OT: Is my mom trying to hurt me or am I too sensitive?
My parents live about 2 hours away. Today I took the kids to see them. My mom was mad because she did not want us to come today but my dad told us to come. I thought she knew but when I called her to tell her what time we were coming she yelled at me and asked me if I even thought it would be nice if I told her that my dad asked us to come. I told her I had no way of knowing that this was not discussed between her and my dad before asking us. She yelled at me some more and told me to go screw myself and hung up on me. I called my dad who told me to bring the kids so I did.
Later on, I was talking to my mom again and she asked me why my son was doing something he was told not to do. I explained that I asked him not to and he did not listen. She then jabbed into me and asked me if I thought it would be a good idea to make sure my children are listening. I then explained that I try and that it is no excuse but it is quite difficult to stay on top of all the kids all the time by myself but that even if I did kids would be kids.
She then came out with this stuff asking me if I knew that ever since I was a child I had social issues, that people didn't like me, and that I had a problem with people.
She got me there. I have always cared very much about other people and she is one of the people I have cared most about.
I feel so hurt. Am I being too sensitive?
Later on, I was talking to my mom again and she asked me why my son was doing something he was told not to do. I explained that I asked him not to and he did not listen. She then jabbed into me and asked me if I thought it would be a good idea to make sure my children are listening. I then explained that I try and that it is no excuse but it is quite difficult to stay on top of all the kids all the time by myself but that even if I did kids would be kids.
She then came out with this stuff asking me if I knew that ever since I was a child I had social issues, that people didn't like me, and that I had a problem with people.
She got me there. I have always cared very much about other people and she is one of the people I have cared most about.
I feel so hurt. Am I being too sensitive?
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Your mum is verbally abusing you... PERIOD. ANYONE with a <3 (heart) would be sensitive to what someone like this dishes out! For her to tell you to screw yourself, to yell at you, to tell you how to raise your children and THEN to say that people didn't like you... IS ABUSE and WRONG!
It seems she has some 'mental' issues of her own and wants to drag you into her web of unhappiness. I don't know your story but I do know this... NO ONE - I don't care who it is, should EVER talk to someone like she spoke to you today. Not only does it make you feel like crap, your kids will see that too.
I hope you have a better evening than what your day seemed to be like - please try to focus on the people who do love and care about you... which I'm sure are many.
For many many years, I tried to get my father and sister to love me as much as I loved them. Nothing worked... and eventually, I had to let go. It still pangs my heart sometimes to know that they didn't really 'like' me but then I truly feel that I'd rather have people in my life who really care about me ... not those who just don't get it (or me). I am much happier now. I guess I have to start thinking this about my AH now... --- life... so freaking complicated at times.
Hang in there!
It seems she has some 'mental' issues of her own and wants to drag you into her web of unhappiness. I don't know your story but I do know this... NO ONE - I don't care who it is, should EVER talk to someone like she spoke to you today. Not only does it make you feel like crap, your kids will see that too.
I hope you have a better evening than what your day seemed to be like - please try to focus on the people who do love and care about you... which I'm sure are many.
For many many years, I tried to get my father and sister to love me as much as I loved them. Nothing worked... and eventually, I had to let go. It still pangs my heart sometimes to know that they didn't really 'like' me but then I truly feel that I'd rather have people in my life who really care about me ... not those who just don't get it (or me). I am much happier now. I guess I have to start thinking this about my AH now... --- life... so freaking complicated at times.
Hang in there!
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Yeah, I was actually just doing the dishes and started thinking about my childhood. Both of my parents actually have issues.
Sometimes there is a hidden message when parents are speaking though and although both my parents have said and done some pretty awful things to me I forgave them because we only get one set of parents if we are lucky.
I guess I have to separate a little bit so I don't have to hear that stuff.
I definitely don't need it now or ever but I do want my parents.
Sometimes there is a hidden message when parents are speaking though and although both my parents have said and done some pretty awful things to me I forgave them because we only get one set of parents if we are lucky.
I guess I have to separate a little bit so I don't have to hear that stuff.
I definitely don't need it now or ever but I do want my parents.
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((Beautifulgirl))) - My dad and stepmom have "issues" too. Unfortunately, I live with them thanks to the wreck I made of my finances and career while out doing crack.
After having been a member here, for a while, and reading a lot of what other people go through, how they deal with it, I've learned to set boundaries. There are certain topics I will no longer discuss with my dad...ticked him off, he kept trying, but I held firm.
Stepmom is a raging codie/chronically depressed and wants any kind of pill she can get to make her numb. I've detached from that situation, also, though it still aggravates me.
It took time, a few "I will not tolerate you talking to me like this" and leaving..usually just going to my room, but sometimes leaving the house. I love them both, don't get me wrong, but I'm determined to not let THEIR issues become mine. I have to admit, they no longer try to push my boundaries, and they know that if something else comes up I'm not willing to tolerate...I won't.
Verbal/emotional abuse is very real, and is something you don't have to put up with. It took me baby steps to get where I am, now, but there has been progress. Dad even went to his first al-anon meeting last week. He's had the tendency to depend on me as his listening board. I told him he needs to find someone else...I'm too close to the situation, and quite frankly, it drains, hurts, and frustrates me.
We don't have to stop loving our parents, to be able to step back and not allow the "verbal vomit" they can spew.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
After having been a member here, for a while, and reading a lot of what other people go through, how they deal with it, I've learned to set boundaries. There are certain topics I will no longer discuss with my dad...ticked him off, he kept trying, but I held firm.
Stepmom is a raging codie/chronically depressed and wants any kind of pill she can get to make her numb. I've detached from that situation, also, though it still aggravates me.
It took time, a few "I will not tolerate you talking to me like this" and leaving..usually just going to my room, but sometimes leaving the house. I love them both, don't get me wrong, but I'm determined to not let THEIR issues become mine. I have to admit, they no longer try to push my boundaries, and they know that if something else comes up I'm not willing to tolerate...I won't.
Verbal/emotional abuse is very real, and is something you don't have to put up with. It took me baby steps to get where I am, now, but there has been progress. Dad even went to his first al-anon meeting last week. He's had the tendency to depend on me as his listening board. I told him he needs to find someone else...I'm too close to the situation, and quite frankly, it drains, hurts, and frustrates me.
We don't have to stop loving our parents, to be able to step back and not allow the "verbal vomit" they can spew.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
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Oh my......hard to believe that a mother could be so insensitive to her daughter's feelings. It's very sad and you don't have to take it.
The relationship we have with our parents as adults should be different than it was when we were children. My Dad use to push my buttons and I let him. I even made the connection that I was like a dog that was kicked. I kept coming back with my tail between my legs in the most submissive posture hoping that this time, he would scratch me behind my ears and rub my belly.
Once I finally realized that he got his jollies off of my reactions, I stopped reacting. Instead of yipping and crying when he pulled his nonsense, I would either give him a blank stare or just remove myself from the situation (calmly with zero reaction). When the game stopped being fun for him anymore, he stopped. And for the last ten years of his life, we enjoyed a very good relationship.
I think parents sometimes think they have the right to say anything to their (adult) children. They don't.
gentle hugs
The relationship we have with our parents as adults should be different than it was when we were children. My Dad use to push my buttons and I let him. I even made the connection that I was like a dog that was kicked. I kept coming back with my tail between my legs in the most submissive posture hoping that this time, he would scratch me behind my ears and rub my belly.
Once I finally realized that he got his jollies off of my reactions, I stopped reacting. Instead of yipping and crying when he pulled his nonsense, I would either give him a blank stare or just remove myself from the situation (calmly with zero reaction). When the game stopped being fun for him anymore, he stopped. And for the last ten years of his life, we enjoyed a very good relationship.
I think parents sometimes think they have the right to say anything to their (adult) children. They don't.
gentle hugs
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Join Date: May 2010
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Yes...my parents mean well in their own weird way. I do resent them though not only for what they say to me but also because I am in my greatest time of need and instead of driving the 2 hours every now and then to give me a hand, a break, or just for one of my kids birthdays or baseball they just criticize me and tell me over the phone how it would be so easy for me to do it better and that I am doing it all wrong.
My mom is an expert when it comes to doing laundry. She could do 30 loads in a day, have the clothes all folded, and put away nice and neat. When it comes to giving motherly love and attention she sucks.
Oh well, what can you do? Just accept it and move on I guess.
My mom is an expert when it comes to doing laundry. She could do 30 loads in a day, have the clothes all folded, and put away nice and neat. When it comes to giving motherly love and attention she sucks.
Oh well, what can you do? Just accept it and move on I guess.
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Originally Posted by beautifulgirl 
Oh well, what can you do? Just accept it and move on I guess.
Me thinks she doth project too much!
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Originally Posted by beautifulgirl
Both of my parents actually have issues.
Mom sounds rather toxic. You have no control over what comes out of her mouth. However, you do have control over what you listen and/or react to.
Just because mom says so does not make it true. Only you can give her words power over you.
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