Here we go again...
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: The South
Posts: 105
Here we go again...
About a month ago, I posted on another thread that I had sent our AD a NC e-mail. I wrote..."no more e-mails...no more phone calls...no more contact, please." Through meetings, therapy, and counseling, etc, I felt this was the right thing to do for our health as well as our daughter's health.
She has been struggling with her addiction for over 15 years. She has had periods of sobriety but she always relapses. She has been to numerous rehabs...therapy...meetings...half way houses...addiction specialists, and she KNOWS the tools to live a sober life. Our story is a horror story that I know each of you can relate to.
At one point, my husband and my lives were in danger because our AD was living with her drug dealer. She made it very plain to us that he might kill us. That is only the tip of the iceberg.
She has stopped shooting up heroin, but she still gets high on legal drugs.
I sent her the NC e-mail because I am exhausted. I wrote her that I was working on my health and that I had to distance myself from her. I wrote that I felt it was healthy for her as well as me.
My love for her has never waned. I love her just as much today as I did when she was first placed into my arms over 36 years ago.
I have truly savored this past month. It has been such a blessing to not to be in a crisis mode 24/7.
Currently, she is living with relatives that are addicts. They abuse their prescription medications.
A couple of weeks ago, she sent me a Dayspring e-mail card. I did not open it because I knew she would be notified if I opened it.
This morning, I opened it. I thought (could be "stinking thinking") that I was well enough to correspond through e-mails.
Well...she jumped on it. Today, I received an e-mail from her, "I need help. I am afraid to be around suboxone and adderal. Please enable me to get my life together. I pray God will give you mercy for me. I am sorry and I love you. I found an AA group and a church with a friend but is is an hour and 45 minutes away." I know she is quacking.
Also, I know for sure she can never live with her Dad and me. We have "been there...done that"...too many times.
Dear SR friends, I need your thoughts about this.
I thank my HP for each one of you. I know I am not alone. What a comfort that is to me.
Hugs.
She has been struggling with her addiction for over 15 years. She has had periods of sobriety but she always relapses. She has been to numerous rehabs...therapy...meetings...half way houses...addiction specialists, and she KNOWS the tools to live a sober life. Our story is a horror story that I know each of you can relate to.
At one point, my husband and my lives were in danger because our AD was living with her drug dealer. She made it very plain to us that he might kill us. That is only the tip of the iceberg.
She has stopped shooting up heroin, but she still gets high on legal drugs.
I sent her the NC e-mail because I am exhausted. I wrote her that I was working on my health and that I had to distance myself from her. I wrote that I felt it was healthy for her as well as me.
My love for her has never waned. I love her just as much today as I did when she was first placed into my arms over 36 years ago.
I have truly savored this past month. It has been such a blessing to not to be in a crisis mode 24/7.
Currently, she is living with relatives that are addicts. They abuse their prescription medications.
A couple of weeks ago, she sent me a Dayspring e-mail card. I did not open it because I knew she would be notified if I opened it.
This morning, I opened it. I thought (could be "stinking thinking") that I was well enough to correspond through e-mails.
Well...she jumped on it. Today, I received an e-mail from her, "I need help. I am afraid to be around suboxone and adderal. Please enable me to get my life together. I pray God will give you mercy for me. I am sorry and I love you. I found an AA group and a church with a friend but is is an hour and 45 minutes away." I know she is quacking.
Also, I know for sure she can never live with her Dad and me. We have "been there...done that"...too many times.
Dear SR friends, I need your thoughts about this.
I thank my HP for each one of you. I know I am not alone. What a comfort that is to me.
Hugs.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Waterford MI
Posts: 4,202
Please enable me to get my life together.
15 years, I think you have done your time. It is now and forever her responsibility to get away from adderall and suboxone.
You have done all you could, she knows what she must do.
but, addicts, (and I have two children addicted) go to mommy first.
It is not fair to us.
We have done our time.
Beth
it is what it is
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Griffin GA
Posts: 454
it sounds like you are doing what you need to do for yourselves and for your daughter - there does come a time when they have to enable themselves - i cannot add anything more in the way of advice but i certainly will pray for you, your husband and your daughter
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: The South
Posts: 105
wicked,
The word "enable" jumped out at me also.
My husband and I are in our 60's. Indeed, we have done our time. I don't think it is selfish that we should enjoy our life.
In the past, I could not be happy because our AD was not happy. Thankfully, I have come to the conclusion that happiness is a choice. However, my heart still bleeds with an open wound. I have to put it into perspective...all of us are wounded in different ways. It is up to me to focus on the positive. And, I have many, many positive things in my life. I have a wonderful husband (married over 43 years). I have a loving son and daughter-in- law and two beautiful grandchildren. My gratitude list is long.
However, I grieve over my losses. (what might have been...or what could have been.) Yet, I still have hope.
Thank you so much for your words of wisdom. What a blessing you are to me!
The word "enable" jumped out at me also.
My husband and I are in our 60's. Indeed, we have done our time. I don't think it is selfish that we should enjoy our life.
In the past, I could not be happy because our AD was not happy. Thankfully, I have come to the conclusion that happiness is a choice. However, my heart still bleeds with an open wound. I have to put it into perspective...all of us are wounded in different ways. It is up to me to focus on the positive. And, I have many, many positive things in my life. I have a wonderful husband (married over 43 years). I have a loving son and daughter-in- law and two beautiful grandchildren. My gratitude list is long.
However, I grieve over my losses. (what might have been...or what could have been.) Yet, I still have hope.
Thank you so much for your words of wisdom. What a blessing you are to me!
Jujubee Queen
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: Port Charlotte, Florida
Posts: 3,582
(((Habit)))
My husband and I are in our 60's too, (well, I just turned 60..lol) and our addict sons are 32, ( in prison) and 37,(sober for today and a pain in the tush) so I understand the constant feeling of drama you have been experiencing through the years.
For us, when we have no contact with our oldest, life runs so smoothly, then somehow I get sucked back into the drama, over and over, which is my own fault. (insert kick here)
Your daughter, like my son has options available to her, other than leaning back on you, she has the option of free rehab at a Salvation Army, and there are other options, too.
Hugs from one mom to another.........
My husband and I are in our 60's too, (well, I just turned 60..lol) and our addict sons are 32, ( in prison) and 37,(sober for today and a pain in the tush) so I understand the constant feeling of drama you have been experiencing through the years.
For us, when we have no contact with our oldest, life runs so smoothly, then somehow I get sucked back into the drama, over and over, which is my own fault. (insert kick here)
Your daughter, like my son has options available to her, other than leaning back on you, she has the option of free rehab at a Salvation Army, and there are other options, too.
Hugs from one mom to another.........
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: The South
Posts: 105
Diane,
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. I needed that hug.
And, I really needed to read that there "are" other options.
"A man's home is his castle." In the past, every time we allowed our AD to come back home, she brought her "dragon" with her. And, the dragon always destroyed everything in sight.
God bless.
Hugs from me to you!
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. I needed that hug.
And, I really needed to read that there "are" other options.
"A man's home is his castle." In the past, every time we allowed our AD to come back home, she brought her "dragon" with her. And, the dragon always destroyed everything in sight.
God bless.
Hugs from me to you!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Eastern Time Zone
Posts: 1,011
Hi Habit: Just wanted to chime in and congratulate you on your growth which will translate into a positive effect on your daughter.
Goodness, you hit the nail on the head when you knew not to open that e-mail card and why ! Sometimes we just have to get back in there again. I'm glad you came here with your anxiety instead of "caving" with your daughter. She will trudge along her path until she's done with it.
Hang in there!!
Goodness, you hit the nail on the head when you knew not to open that e-mail card and why ! Sometimes we just have to get back in there again. I'm glad you came here with your anxiety instead of "caving" with your daughter. She will trudge along her path until she's done with it.
Hang in there!!
Last edited by sojourner; 02-27-2011 at 06:02 PM. Reason: low blood sugar made me type wrong
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: The South
Posts: 105
Hi tjp613.
Thank you for your kind post. It warms my heart to read "You are and have been wonderful parents." We have made our mistakes, but we know we did not cause our daughter's addiction. Unfortunately, we can't cure it either.
Even though I have relapsed many times, I choose serenity. My HP has not brought me this far to allow me to "die in the wilderness."
Thank you for your kind post. It warms my heart to read "You are and have been wonderful parents." We have made our mistakes, but we know we did not cause our daughter's addiction. Unfortunately, we can't cure it either.
Even though I have relapsed many times, I choose serenity. My HP has not brought me this far to allow me to "die in the wilderness."
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: The South
Posts: 105
Hi Sojourner,
I appreciate your encouraging and wise words.
I am so thankful that I found this website. I can sense the genuine care and concern of people like you.
I'm hanging...I'm hanging.
I appreciate your encouraging and wise words.
I am so thankful that I found this website. I can sense the genuine care and concern of people like you.
I'm hanging...I'm hanging.
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: central coast, ca
Posts: 1,652
Somebody on here always says.."we are not their only OR best option" We are not running rehabs, aen't qualified and have already failed at it..there is plenty of help out there for those who want it..
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: The Jungle
Posts: 5,435
She has been struggling with her addiction for over 15 years. She has had periods of sobriety but she always relapses. She has been to numerous rehabs...therapy...meetings...half way houses...addiction specialists, and she KNOWS the tools to live a sober life.
gentle hugs from another Mom
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: The South
Posts: 105
Originally Posted by keepinon 
Somebody on here always says.."we are not their only OR best option" We are not running rehabs, aen't qualified and have already failed at it..there is plenty of help out there for those who want it..
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