Brand new member, have finally given up hope
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Lovely, KY
Posts: 8
Brand new member, have finally given up hope
Hello evryone, my name is Michael and I have been with my wife for 10 years (4 living together and the last 6 married) I met here where I worked a long time ago and fell in love. She was kind and caring and had this wonderful glow about her. Her mother had left her when she was a young child and Lynon, my wife, was raised by her aunt. She always thought of her aunt as her mother. One day she began to die of cancer and my wife began to stay and take care of her. She began to notice that if also took some of her aunt pain medication (Oxycontin) which the doctors prscribed in abundace to keep her comfortable, that it made her feel better. More able to handle the sadness of seeing her aunt die a little each day. Afetr she passed Lynon was suddenly left with a massive amount of pills, which she began to take regularly.
Later I fanally learned of her problem. By then I was in love with her. Soon she began to lose things, Her Job, her home, and finally her daughter from her first marriage to her ex husband. She had nothing. I let her live with me and she went to rehab. While there she learned of Methadone, a supposed miracle cure to detox with. She checked out and decided this is what she needed, no pain, no sickness. I was against it, but agreed and for a while it seeme dto work. But later my life turned in to a nigtmare. Methadone became just a way to stay on drugs. Then the xanexx started. We would fight and I would make her leave. But the guilt of her homeless, was she OK, was she with people wo were mean to her. I couldn't stand it, so I would go find her and she would come home. This went on for years. Finally she was kicked out of the program, then another break up and I would make her leave, and this time she landed in jail. I left her there for a few months, but finally got her out. It was like a miracle, she would laugh at shows and movies again, she would talk and smile. I felt God had sent me to her and she always said if not for me she would have died. She would tell friends I was the light to her dark. I was so happy for so many months. But then it started to change again, she began to dabble and soon she felt she needed Methadone again.
But she found something new, Suboxone. This was way more expensive $300 dolars each month for the fee plus 400 dollars each month for the medicine. It was better than methadone, no droopy eyes, no lethargy but soon she began to stray again. So know I made her go again, its been 4 week now and this time I have filed for dicorce. I have thrown thousands and thousands of dollars at this to no avail. I have cried and told her her much I love her, have taken her in and never made her work a single day. I have given her everthing I have, anything of mine was hers. But now the years weigh heavy upon me. i could never buy here anything of value, if I did it was always sold during a break up over drugs. I have replaced wedding bands so many times I have lost count. I began to feel she was using my love for her as a weapon against me and I fear she never loved me at all. I was just someone who made her comfortable. Even though she was an addict she was kind, did not have affairs, we were always toghther and I will miss her more than she will ever get to know. But the lies, the hurt, the hole she had pulled me into almost drowned me and I am not sure if I will ever be able to climb out again.
I guess my point of this long post is to question this thing I hear about called rock bottom, why this is some magic moment. Isnt rock bottom when you lose everthing you have. would you turn your life around then? Maybe there are some that take it a little more extreme, these people lose not only their home and posessions, but their children. This Rock bottom must surley do it, wont they now straighten themselves out stay clean and maybe 18 months or so later get their child back? Well surely extended jail time will do it. I guess I am just venting I have always been a fighter I have never given up. But you see Lynon has done all of this, and now she has lost me. It is against my nature to give up, but now I am finally broken, so very tired I feel weak and now I have no fight left. A race I cannot win. All these "rock Bottoms" she has hit and there will be those who will say there is always hope. But for a few, a very few. we suddenly come to realize for these sad few, there is no hope. For these people the only way their relationship with their true love, drugs, will end is in death. I know when the divorce is fianale, she will spiral deeper and deeper into its wicked hold and soon I will learn that she has passed. I am trying to prepare myself for the awful guilt I will feel for giving up, but I cant fight for her anymore. I don't even want to now. I thought I was a good man, but now I guess I was wrong. So thank you for letting me write this, I never believed there was ever a time when we did not have hope, until now. When the rock bottom doesnt help them, then all that is left is to wait on their eventual death or imprisonment. There is no hope, anymore
Later I fanally learned of her problem. By then I was in love with her. Soon she began to lose things, Her Job, her home, and finally her daughter from her first marriage to her ex husband. She had nothing. I let her live with me and she went to rehab. While there she learned of Methadone, a supposed miracle cure to detox with. She checked out and decided this is what she needed, no pain, no sickness. I was against it, but agreed and for a while it seeme dto work. But later my life turned in to a nigtmare. Methadone became just a way to stay on drugs. Then the xanexx started. We would fight and I would make her leave. But the guilt of her homeless, was she OK, was she with people wo were mean to her. I couldn't stand it, so I would go find her and she would come home. This went on for years. Finally she was kicked out of the program, then another break up and I would make her leave, and this time she landed in jail. I left her there for a few months, but finally got her out. It was like a miracle, she would laugh at shows and movies again, she would talk and smile. I felt God had sent me to her and she always said if not for me she would have died. She would tell friends I was the light to her dark. I was so happy for so many months. But then it started to change again, she began to dabble and soon she felt she needed Methadone again.
But she found something new, Suboxone. This was way more expensive $300 dolars each month for the fee plus 400 dollars each month for the medicine. It was better than methadone, no droopy eyes, no lethargy but soon she began to stray again. So know I made her go again, its been 4 week now and this time I have filed for dicorce. I have thrown thousands and thousands of dollars at this to no avail. I have cried and told her her much I love her, have taken her in and never made her work a single day. I have given her everthing I have, anything of mine was hers. But now the years weigh heavy upon me. i could never buy here anything of value, if I did it was always sold during a break up over drugs. I have replaced wedding bands so many times I have lost count. I began to feel she was using my love for her as a weapon against me and I fear she never loved me at all. I was just someone who made her comfortable. Even though she was an addict she was kind, did not have affairs, we were always toghther and I will miss her more than she will ever get to know. But the lies, the hurt, the hole she had pulled me into almost drowned me and I am not sure if I will ever be able to climb out again.
I guess my point of this long post is to question this thing I hear about called rock bottom, why this is some magic moment. Isnt rock bottom when you lose everthing you have. would you turn your life around then? Maybe there are some that take it a little more extreme, these people lose not only their home and posessions, but their children. This Rock bottom must surley do it, wont they now straighten themselves out stay clean and maybe 18 months or so later get their child back? Well surely extended jail time will do it. I guess I am just venting I have always been a fighter I have never given up. But you see Lynon has done all of this, and now she has lost me. It is against my nature to give up, but now I am finally broken, so very tired I feel weak and now I have no fight left. A race I cannot win. All these "rock Bottoms" she has hit and there will be those who will say there is always hope. But for a few, a very few. we suddenly come to realize for these sad few, there is no hope. For these people the only way their relationship with their true love, drugs, will end is in death. I know when the divorce is fianale, she will spiral deeper and deeper into its wicked hold and soon I will learn that she has passed. I am trying to prepare myself for the awful guilt I will feel for giving up, but I cant fight for her anymore. I don't even want to now. I thought I was a good man, but now I guess I was wrong. So thank you for letting me write this, I never believed there was ever a time when we did not have hope, until now. When the rock bottom doesnt help them, then all that is left is to wait on their eventual death or imprisonment. There is no hope, anymore
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
(((Michael))) - Welcome to SR, though I'm sorry for what has brought you here.
FWIW, I'm an RA (recovering addict) as well as a recovering codie (codependent) who has/had loved ones who are A's.
Not every A has a low bottom...some realize they have a problem, early on, and get into recovery. For most of us, though, we keep going until we get tired of the consequences, we've lost enough, or we just get sick and tired of being sick and tired. I had a low bottom...homeless, prostituting, crack addict. When I got clean, I left my XABF (ex addict bf) because he continued with the crack. His bottom was death.
Not only do A's usually have to hit bottom, but so do most of us who love them. We keep trying, and trying to get them to "get it"..to quit the dope/alcohol, to realize what they have lost and how much they're hurting themselves and us, but it doesn't work. We finally get to a point where we realize that we can't do it any more.
This is a great place to get ES&H (experience, strength and hope). There are 100's of people who have gone through, or are still going through, similar situations. Often times, it doesn't matter WHAT drug was being used, the results are still the same...destruction.
We talk about the 3 C's here -
you didn't Cause it
you can't Change it, and
you can't Cure it.
Her recovery, or lack of, is totally on her. The best thing you can do is focus on you..take care of you. When I first got here, I didn't even have a clue how to do that. I'd been in recovery for my addiction, but I was still "addicted" to some people who were dysfunctional and/or A's. I'd been in relationships with A's for over 25 years, and I didn't know any different.
As far as you not being a good man? Who and what you are is not reflected by her. It's often said "we do better when we know better". You've done what you thought was right, and now it's time to try something different.
It isn't easy...letting go of someone you love, but who is consistently destroying themselves. However, I've yet to learn the really valuable lessons I needed to without some pain being involved.
I also never give up hope, as long as someone is still breathing. I've learned, though, that I can hope and pray from a distance.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
I read, and read, and read some more when I got here. I found out I wasn't alone. I asked questions, started trying to do things that had worked for others...some worked, some didn't, but I learned.
FWIW, I'm an RA (recovering addict) as well as a recovering codie (codependent) who has/had loved ones who are A's.
Not every A has a low bottom...some realize they have a problem, early on, and get into recovery. For most of us, though, we keep going until we get tired of the consequences, we've lost enough, or we just get sick and tired of being sick and tired. I had a low bottom...homeless, prostituting, crack addict. When I got clean, I left my XABF (ex addict bf) because he continued with the crack. His bottom was death.
Not only do A's usually have to hit bottom, but so do most of us who love them. We keep trying, and trying to get them to "get it"..to quit the dope/alcohol, to realize what they have lost and how much they're hurting themselves and us, but it doesn't work. We finally get to a point where we realize that we can't do it any more.
This is a great place to get ES&H (experience, strength and hope). There are 100's of people who have gone through, or are still going through, similar situations. Often times, it doesn't matter WHAT drug was being used, the results are still the same...destruction.
We talk about the 3 C's here -
you didn't Cause it
you can't Change it, and
you can't Cure it.
Her recovery, or lack of, is totally on her. The best thing you can do is focus on you..take care of you. When I first got here, I didn't even have a clue how to do that. I'd been in recovery for my addiction, but I was still "addicted" to some people who were dysfunctional and/or A's. I'd been in relationships with A's for over 25 years, and I didn't know any different.
As far as you not being a good man? Who and what you are is not reflected by her. It's often said "we do better when we know better". You've done what you thought was right, and now it's time to try something different.
It isn't easy...letting go of someone you love, but who is consistently destroying themselves. However, I've yet to learn the really valuable lessons I needed to without some pain being involved.
I also never give up hope, as long as someone is still breathing. I've learned, though, that I can hope and pray from a distance.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
I read, and read, and read some more when I got here. I found out I wasn't alone. I asked questions, started trying to do things that had worked for others...some worked, some didn't, but I learned.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Lovely, KY
Posts: 8
Thank You
Thank you Amy for taking time to reply. I am sorry you have to experience such difficult and heartbreaking moments in your life. I will do what you said and read as much as I can on these forums. Maybe you are right, maybe as long as someone is breathing, there is hope. And I will pray for her, from a distance as you say. I will also pray for you and your continued recovery. I will even pray for myself also, that God get me to place of happiness and peace, even if it is not the outcome I desire, if it is th eone he desires than surley it must be what is best. Thank you again for taking the time to care about me.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 11
Originally Posted by Michael395 
Hello evryone, my name is Michael and I have been with my wife for 10 years (4 living together and the last 6 married) I met here where I worked a long time ago and fell in love. She was kind and caring and had this wonderful glow about her. Her mother had left her when she was a young child and Lynon, my wife, was raised by her aunt. She always thought of her aunt as her mother. One day she began to die of cancer and my wife began to stay and take care of her. She began to notice that if also took some of her aunt pain medication (Oxycontin) which the doctors prscribed in abundace to keep her comfortable, that it made her feel better. More able to handle the sadness of seeing her aunt die a little each day. Afetr she passed Lynon was suddenly left with a massive amount of pills, which she began to take regularly.
Later I fanally learned of her problem. By then I was in love with her. Soon she began to lose things, Her Job, her home, and finally her daughter from her first marriage to her ex husband. She had nothing. I let her live with me and she went to rehab. While there she learned of Methadone, a supposed miracle cure to detox with. She checked out and decided this is what she needed, no pain, no sickness. I was against it, but agreed and for a while it seeme dto work. But later my life turned in to a nigtmare. Methadone became just a way to stay on drugs. Then the xanexx started. We would fight and I would make her leave. But the guilt of her homeless, was she OK, was she with people wo were mean to her. I couldn't stand it, so I would go find her and she would come home. This went on for years. Finally she was kicked out of the program, then another break up and I would make her leave, and this time she landed in jail. I left her there for a few months, but finally got her out. It was like a miracle, she would laugh at shows and movies again, she would talk and smile. I felt God had sent me to her and she always said if not for me she would have died. She would tell friends I was the light to her dark. I was so happy for so many months. But then it started to change again, she began to dabble and soon she felt she needed Methadone again.
But she found something new, Suboxone. This was way more expensive $300 dolars each month for the fee plus 400 dollars each month for the medicine. It was better than methadone, no droopy eyes, no lethargy but soon she began to stray again. So know I made her go again, its been 4 week now and this time I have filed for dicorce. I have thrown thousands and thousands of dollars at this to no avail. I have cried and told her her much I love her, have taken her in and never made her work a single day. I have given her everthing I have, anything of mine was hers. But now the years weigh heavy upon me. i could never buy here anything of value, if I did it was always sold during a break up over drugs. I have replaced wedding bands so many times I have lost count. I began to feel she was using my love for her as a weapon against me and I fear she never loved me at all. I was just someone who made her comfortable. Even though she was an addict she was kind, did not have affairs, we were always toghther and I will miss her more than she will ever get to know. But the lies, the hurt, the hole she had pulled me into almost drowned me and I am not sure if I will ever be able to climb out again.
I guess my point of this long post is to question this thing I hear about called rock bottom, why this is some magic moment. Isnt rock bottom when you lose everthing you have. would you turn your life around then? Maybe there are some that take it a little more extreme, these people lose not only their home and posessions, but their children. This Rock bottom must surley do it, wont they now straighten themselves out stay clean and maybe 18 months or so later get their child back? Well surely extended jail time will do it. I guess I am just venting I have always been a fighter I have never given up. But you see Lynon has done all of this, and now she has lost me. It is against my nature to give up, but now I am finally broken, so very tired I feel weak and now I have no fight left. A race I cannot win. All these "rock Bottoms" she has hit and there will be those who will say there is always hope. But for a few, a very few. we suddenly come to realize for these sad few, there is no hope. For these people the only way their relationship with their true love, drugs, will end is in death. I know when the divorce is fianale, she will spiral deeper and deeper into its wicked hold and soon I will learn that she has passed. I am trying to prepare myself for the awful guilt I will feel for giving up, but I cant fight for her anymore. I don't even want to now. I thought I was a good man, but now I guess I was wrong. So thank you for letting me write this, I never believed there was ever a time when we did not have hope, until now. When the rock bottom doesnt help them, then all that is left is to wait on their eventual death or imprisonment. There is no hope, anymore
Later I fanally learned of her problem. By then I was in love with her. Soon she began to lose things, Her Job, her home, and finally her daughter from her first marriage to her ex husband. She had nothing. I let her live with me and she went to rehab. While there she learned of Methadone, a supposed miracle cure to detox with. She checked out and decided this is what she needed, no pain, no sickness. I was against it, but agreed and for a while it seeme dto work. But later my life turned in to a nigtmare. Methadone became just a way to stay on drugs. Then the xanexx started. We would fight and I would make her leave. But the guilt of her homeless, was she OK, was she with people wo were mean to her. I couldn't stand it, so I would go find her and she would come home. This went on for years. Finally she was kicked out of the program, then another break up and I would make her leave, and this time she landed in jail. I left her there for a few months, but finally got her out. It was like a miracle, she would laugh at shows and movies again, she would talk and smile. I felt God had sent me to her and she always said if not for me she would have died. She would tell friends I was the light to her dark. I was so happy for so many months. But then it started to change again, she began to dabble and soon she felt she needed Methadone again.
But she found something new, Suboxone. This was way more expensive $300 dolars each month for the fee plus 400 dollars each month for the medicine. It was better than methadone, no droopy eyes, no lethargy but soon she began to stray again. So know I made her go again, its been 4 week now and this time I have filed for dicorce. I have thrown thousands and thousands of dollars at this to no avail. I have cried and told her her much I love her, have taken her in and never made her work a single day. I have given her everthing I have, anything of mine was hers. But now the years weigh heavy upon me. i could never buy here anything of value, if I did it was always sold during a break up over drugs. I have replaced wedding bands so many times I have lost count. I began to feel she was using my love for her as a weapon against me and I fear she never loved me at all. I was just someone who made her comfortable. Even though she was an addict she was kind, did not have affairs, we were always toghther and I will miss her more than she will ever get to know. But the lies, the hurt, the hole she had pulled me into almost drowned me and I am not sure if I will ever be able to climb out again.
I guess my point of this long post is to question this thing I hear about called rock bottom, why this is some magic moment. Isnt rock bottom when you lose everthing you have. would you turn your life around then? Maybe there are some that take it a little more extreme, these people lose not only their home and posessions, but their children. This Rock bottom must surley do it, wont they now straighten themselves out stay clean and maybe 18 months or so later get their child back? Well surely extended jail time will do it. I guess I am just venting I have always been a fighter I have never given up. But you see Lynon has done all of this, and now she has lost me. It is against my nature to give up, but now I am finally broken, so very tired I feel weak and now I have no fight left. A race I cannot win. All these "rock Bottoms" she has hit and there will be those who will say there is always hope. But for a few, a very few. we suddenly come to realize for these sad few, there is no hope. For these people the only way their relationship with their true love, drugs, will end is in death. I know when the divorce is fianale, she will spiral deeper and deeper into its wicked hold and soon I will learn that she has passed. I am trying to prepare myself for the awful guilt I will feel for giving up, but I cant fight for her anymore. I don't even want to now. I thought I was a good man, but now I guess I was wrong. So thank you for letting me write this, I never believed there was ever a time when we did not have hope, until now. When the rock bottom doesnt help them, then all that is left is to wait on their eventual death or imprisonment. There is no hope, anymore
Belgian Sheepdog Adictee
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: In Today
Posts: 6,101
(((((Michael)))))
Welcome to SR. You have found a GREAT site with lots of Experience, Strength and Hope (ES&H) from folks who have been where you are now, or are where you are now.
Like Amy said, check out the 'stickys' at the top of this forum, read the threads, there is a world of information.
I am a recovering alcoholic with many years of continuous sobriety now. My story is in the 'story' forum. Everybody's 'rock bottom' is different. All the things you mentioned that your wife has lost can be 'rock bottoms.' Mine did not occur until I not only lost everything, materially, financially, and spiritually, but I had to live on the streets of Hollywood for 1 and 1/2 years to finally realize I was 'sick and tired of being sick and tired.'
So, good advice above, step away, sit back and watch, love from afar, and wait and see if the actions change in time.
In the meantime, please continue to post and let us know how YOU are doing as we do care very much.
Love and hugs,
Welcome to SR. You have found a GREAT site with lots of Experience, Strength and Hope (ES&H) from folks who have been where you are now, or are where you are now.
Like Amy said, check out the 'stickys' at the top of this forum, read the threads, there is a world of information.
I am a recovering alcoholic with many years of continuous sobriety now. My story is in the 'story' forum. Everybody's 'rock bottom' is different. All the things you mentioned that your wife has lost can be 'rock bottoms.' Mine did not occur until I not only lost everything, materially, financially, and spiritually, but I had to live on the streets of Hollywood for 1 and 1/2 years to finally realize I was 'sick and tired of being sick and tired.'
So, good advice above, step away, sit back and watch, love from afar, and wait and see if the actions change in time.
In the meantime, please continue to post and let us know how YOU are doing as we do care very much.
Love and hugs,
Yankee
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Oklahoma
Posts: 183
Welcome Michael,
Glad you found SR. My story with my ex is simular to yours. I know how it feels to see someone you love go thru relapse after relapse. I agree with everything said above, it is time to work on you, this is not your fight. Find a F2F (face to face) meeting if you can to go to and share, read some literature for your own recovery. It is hard to imagine it now, but in time I hope you will be able to detach with love and find some peace for yourself....
Glad you found SR. My story with my ex is simular to yours. I know how it feels to see someone you love go thru relapse after relapse. I agree with everything said above, it is time to work on you, this is not your fight. Find a F2F (face to face) meeting if you can to go to and share, read some literature for your own recovery. It is hard to imagine it now, but in time I hope you will be able to detach with love and find some peace for yourself....
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Lovely, KY
Posts: 8
Thank you all for your kind words and encouragment. I have been reading and I am detaching. I see her car parked at different places sometimes on my drive home from work. Along time ago I would want to stop, see if she was OK, If she was there with another guy in the car who was a user I would send him packing ( I am a pretty big guy, I lift weights alot, kind of bad ass when I think someone is hurting someone I care about) but not now, I just keep driving. I am sure by now she has even taken a loan against her car. LOL it seems I have paid that vehicle off so many times. LOL. I guess she knows that about me. that I would never let her lose something that valuable. But I don't feel that now, I just keep driving and come home to my big dog (black Lab) and hug him. But I am still sad when I see it, I still wonder what is going on in the house behind her car, But I don't have the desire anymore to actually see it first hand. I don't want to give her any money, any shelter. Yet I still worry and anguish and afraid for her. My lawyer needs to know where she is at to serve the divorce papers. But she will not stay in one spot long eneough to have them served. I don't underdstand this...Why would she not want them....she is gone already...what purpose does it serve to not be served the papers...why make the divorce drag out as long as possible, it is just a formality now anyway. Her drugs are now her new love and I am sure I have been replaced in her heart by them.
I am sure she hates me for making her leave with no money, no place to go. She wont go to her family, they would let her come but only if she did not do drugs. She only wants to go to places that will allow her to use and use with them. In her mind I must be a cruel man, I am sure she would say a good husband would not do this to someone with this illness. I guess I am just sad because it seems she must never think about me, all love must have been an illusion, she probably isn't even sad that she is gone from her home. But I am sad, and I do feel the guilt, I do miss her, but as I said 4 weeks ago now the last time she was here, from that moment, that second, I will never again give her a single dollar to keep her in program after program that seems to be only a way for her to keep those drugs coming to use along with her secret ones. Drugs will kill her, I know this , but I refuse to be apart of that suicide, to somehow fund it, enable it, To drag it out longer. And I have stuck with that. But inside I am crying, for I have lost a friend in so many ways. I call my lawyer ( hes is my best friend from college) and he has people looking for her to serve her. But I am worried that when she is served, she will dive even deeper into her drugs. She always says "see what happens to me when you leave me, what I become, how i go from swallowing pills to shooting them in my veins" It is very hard to just walk away and hope she some how , someday will be OK but that is what I am doing. But I will ask one question, if there is anyone who may have insight. Why the cat and mouse game with the divorce papers..why not just let them be served and even sign them. I am not stupid, i mean It is pretty obvious she cares nothig for our marriage, By now I am sure I have been long forgotten, just a man who she lived with for many years. prob not nearly as fun and exciting as her new friends, the daily hunt for pills, for places to stay, something to eat. Yes it sounds bad,but there must be some excitment in it. I imagine I must seem pretty boring to her now, watching our favorite shows, laughing at silly things, having dinner, shopping for clothes for her, stupid trips to walmart for dog treats, and planting flowers and landscaping. Oh and the sex was good too. But I guess that is pretty dull stuff to the high of drugs and the thrill she must have each day from the search for more pills. So why delay the divorce, why not make it as quick as possible. I don't understand.
Thank you all for listening. The stories I have read are so sad. I feel ashamed for feeling sad myself. I will keep reading, I would like to post on some others threads but I don't know if I would have anything useful to say. It seems I am the last person who could give advise. I seem to know so very little, but thank you and I will pray that God will watch over each and every one of you
I am sure she hates me for making her leave with no money, no place to go. She wont go to her family, they would let her come but only if she did not do drugs. She only wants to go to places that will allow her to use and use with them. In her mind I must be a cruel man, I am sure she would say a good husband would not do this to someone with this illness. I guess I am just sad because it seems she must never think about me, all love must have been an illusion, she probably isn't even sad that she is gone from her home. But I am sad, and I do feel the guilt, I do miss her, but as I said 4 weeks ago now the last time she was here, from that moment, that second, I will never again give her a single dollar to keep her in program after program that seems to be only a way for her to keep those drugs coming to use along with her secret ones. Drugs will kill her, I know this , but I refuse to be apart of that suicide, to somehow fund it, enable it, To drag it out longer. And I have stuck with that. But inside I am crying, for I have lost a friend in so many ways. I call my lawyer ( hes is my best friend from college) and he has people looking for her to serve her. But I am worried that when she is served, she will dive even deeper into her drugs. She always says "see what happens to me when you leave me, what I become, how i go from swallowing pills to shooting them in my veins" It is very hard to just walk away and hope she some how , someday will be OK but that is what I am doing. But I will ask one question, if there is anyone who may have insight. Why the cat and mouse game with the divorce papers..why not just let them be served and even sign them. I am not stupid, i mean It is pretty obvious she cares nothig for our marriage, By now I am sure I have been long forgotten, just a man who she lived with for many years. prob not nearly as fun and exciting as her new friends, the daily hunt for pills, for places to stay, something to eat. Yes it sounds bad,but there must be some excitment in it. I imagine I must seem pretty boring to her now, watching our favorite shows, laughing at silly things, having dinner, shopping for clothes for her, stupid trips to walmart for dog treats, and planting flowers and landscaping. Oh and the sex was good too. But I guess that is pretty dull stuff to the high of drugs and the thrill she must have each day from the search for more pills. So why delay the divorce, why not make it as quick as possible. I don't understand.
Thank you all for listening. The stories I have read are so sad. I feel ashamed for feeling sad myself. I will keep reading, I would like to post on some others threads but I don't know if I would have anything useful to say. It seems I am the last person who could give advise. I seem to know so very little, but thank you and I will pray that God will watch over each and every one of you
Belgian Sheepdog Adictee
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: In Today
Posts: 6,101
(((((Michael))))) you are doing what is best for YOU and for HER.
For all we know, once she is served .......................... that may be her 'bottom.' That may be what 'triggers' her to go to NA and find out that Salvation Army has a really GREAT free program for those that are serious.
Who knows. Do not let her words of manipulation
get to you. A's while in the throes of their addiction always 'blame' someone or something else.
Even though the divorce is going ahead, and she is technically out of your life, you might want to check out Naranon or AlAnon meetings for YOU. I suggest AlAnon, because in many areas there are more of their meetings that will fit your schedule than there are Naranon meetings, but the principles are the same.
Sending out good thoughts and prayers that you continue to heal and that your wife finds her bottom.
Love and hugs,
For all we know, once she is served .......................... that may be her 'bottom.' That may be what 'triggers' her to go to NA and find out that Salvation Army has a really GREAT free program for those that are serious.
Who knows. Do not let her words of manipulation
She always says "see what happens to me when you leave me, what I become, how i go from swallowing pills to shooting them in my veins"
Even though the divorce is going ahead, and she is technically out of your life, you might want to check out Naranon or AlAnon meetings for YOU. I suggest AlAnon, because in many areas there are more of their meetings that will fit your schedule than there are Naranon meetings, but the principles are the same.
Sending out good thoughts and prayers that you continue to heal and that your wife finds her bottom.
Love and hugs,
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