my venting!
Do u have a catch-22?
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: Nomansland, New York
Posts: 69
my venting!
So, my story is similar to lizadeld'S but yet still a little different. MY guy and i have been practicly inseperable since we got together neither of us goes anywere with out each other except when hes at work or i go to an appointment. Not That i cant its just we dont have many friends and the ones we do we visit together.
Hes on pain management and addicted to snorting any other opiate he can get to offset his pain or withdrawl. He also smokes pot instead of a sleaping pill he says they dont work and he has horrible insominia. The plan 4 him is to get on the methodone program so he no longer spends all of his money. Also i think that may stable out his moods at least i hope. He can get very angery and twist around the truth quite confusingly. He also lies quite frequently (little white lies) i just hope he dosen't tell me lies. yet im not that stupid he probably does.
Yet there is good to him he is a poet and an amazing muscian and has a sweet heart and is very sensitive. so i struggle with money problems but who dosent. i just wonder how do i cope when he gets angery or irrational and he says im the crazy one (hard to deny with my diagnosis). he also is kinda a clepto yet never seams to sell anything. thats the one thing that kinda freaks me out.
any way thanks 4 listening
Hes on pain management and addicted to snorting any other opiate he can get to offset his pain or withdrawl. He also smokes pot instead of a sleaping pill he says they dont work and he has horrible insominia. The plan 4 him is to get on the methodone program so he no longer spends all of his money. Also i think that may stable out his moods at least i hope. He can get very angery and twist around the truth quite confusingly. He also lies quite frequently (little white lies) i just hope he dosen't tell me lies. yet im not that stupid he probably does.
Yet there is good to him he is a poet and an amazing muscian and has a sweet heart and is very sensitive. so i struggle with money problems but who dosent. i just wonder how do i cope when he gets angery or irrational and he says im the crazy one (hard to deny with my diagnosis). he also is kinda a clepto yet never seams to sell anything. thats the one thing that kinda freaks me out.
any way thanks 4 listening
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Most of our addicts are good people with a bad problem, but sadly addiction is a progressive disease and doesn't stop until they stop it.
So many red flags in your story here. I see them because they are common red flags here, lies, stealing, justifying usage of any drug...it could be my son here.
The only thing that helped me was for me to seek out my own recovery and regain my balance and perspective. Meetings did that for me, and learning to work 12 little steps that literally saved my life.
There is hope here, but it begins with you and is about you.
Hugs
So many red flags in your story here. I see them because they are common red flags here, lies, stealing, justifying usage of any drug...it could be my son here.
The only thing that helped me was for me to seek out my own recovery and regain my balance and perspective. Meetings did that for me, and learning to work 12 little steps that literally saved my life.
There is hope here, but it begins with you and is about you.
Hugs
Member
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: minneapolis, mn
Posts: 2,762
i agree with ann....you are painting a "not-so-bad" picture of someone whom you love, has some wonderful traits, and some sorta off-the-rail ones as well.
i remember feelings of kind of wanting my xabf to either get way better, or get way worse, also my husband now that i think of it. the being in a middle land with how bad off are they is kind of torturous.
you did not ask any specific questions, just you wanted to post i think, which is great, so i won't offer any unsolicited advice. just support.
oh, i have some experience with someone being on the methadone program. i have REALLY mixed feelings about it.
peace...
i remember feelings of kind of wanting my xabf to either get way better, or get way worse, also my husband now that i think of it. the being in a middle land with how bad off are they is kind of torturous.
you did not ask any specific questions, just you wanted to post i think, which is great, so i won't offer any unsolicited advice. just support.
oh, i have some experience with someone being on the methadone program. i have REALLY mixed feelings about it.
peace...
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: The Jungle
Posts: 5,435
Take the drugs out of the picture.....are the behaviors you described ok? We all have our tolerance levels (boundaries) of what is and is not acceptable to us. When someone continually steps on our boundaries, we can either accept it as ok or hold tight to those boundaries. If we accept it as ok, we adjust our boundary or let go of the boundary......it isn't a boundary if we allow people to continually step on it.
When we hold tight to boundaries, the other person will not like it. That's just the way it works. Unfortunately, when they pitch a fit, we often allow the boundaries to slip just to make the tantrum stop.
However, if we continue to hold those boundaries, they will either stop stepping all over them or they'll not want to be around someone who sets healthy boundaries.
These are choices WE have.......healthy boundaries of what is and is not acceptable to us is OK. We SHOULD have them.
In a normal, healthy relationship, when we state a boundary, the other person respects it.
Unfortunately, I have spent a good deal of my life allowing unhealthy people step all over my boundaries and then I cry "FOUL" to everyone around me--except the person who stepped on my boundary. I am learning to state my boundaries clearly and calmly and establishing ways that I can enforce my boundary that does hinge on cooperation from anyone else....just me.
It is empowering and I'm getting better at it but I have a long way to go.
gentle hugs
When we hold tight to boundaries, the other person will not like it. That's just the way it works. Unfortunately, when they pitch a fit, we often allow the boundaries to slip just to make the tantrum stop.
However, if we continue to hold those boundaries, they will either stop stepping all over them or they'll not want to be around someone who sets healthy boundaries.
These are choices WE have.......healthy boundaries of what is and is not acceptable to us is OK. We SHOULD have them.
In a normal, healthy relationship, when we state a boundary, the other person respects it.
Unfortunately, I have spent a good deal of my life allowing unhealthy people step all over my boundaries and then I cry "FOUL" to everyone around me--except the person who stepped on my boundary. I am learning to state my boundaries clearly and calmly and establishing ways that I can enforce my boundary that does hinge on cooperation from anyone else....just me.
It is empowering and I'm getting better at it but I have a long way to go.
gentle hugs
Member
Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 15
I felt the same way about my AH. we spent very little time apart from each other...he was my best friend and I his. He IS a wonderful person...the addict isn't. He was sweet and sensitive, intelligent etc etc. I still love him with my heart and soul.
i hope that he gets the help he needs. The money thing anyone can "deal" with....but it's the reason behind the money problems that need to be examined. My AH would get angry and defensive when questioned. He would deny until his face turned blue and it makes you wonder if they ARE telling the truth...how could anyone deny that so adamantly and not be telling the truth? My AH would give me the guilt trip about not believing him because how would that make ME feel if he didn't believe me when I was telling the truth.
I'm glad that you are there for him. I'm not saying that your story will end up like mine...but please watch the warning signs. I ignored them for a while and when he got "help" he used it to just further his addiction. Sometimes an actual program is best. Not just the Drs. who give them more pills.
Remember, He must do it for himself and must want to do it. My problem for a very long time was thinking I could fix him...that my love could fix it. You cannot fix it...you cannot cure it. He must cure himself.
i hope that he gets the help he needs. The money thing anyone can "deal" with....but it's the reason behind the money problems that need to be examined. My AH would get angry and defensive when questioned. He would deny until his face turned blue and it makes you wonder if they ARE telling the truth...how could anyone deny that so adamantly and not be telling the truth? My AH would give me the guilt trip about not believing him because how would that make ME feel if he didn't believe me when I was telling the truth.
I'm glad that you are there for him. I'm not saying that your story will end up like mine...but please watch the warning signs. I ignored them for a while and when he got "help" he used it to just further his addiction. Sometimes an actual program is best. Not just the Drs. who give them more pills.
Remember, He must do it for himself and must want to do it. My problem for a very long time was thinking I could fix him...that my love could fix it. You cannot fix it...you cannot cure it. He must cure himself.
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