in total shock
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: The Jungle
Posts: 5,435
I've learned that for me surrender is NOT an action. I cannot manufacture this mental state. I've tried and tried to behave my way into it. I can't.
I was one who also tried to "behave my way into surrender". It doesn't work that way. I know the exact moment I surrendered. It was a very humbling experience. I was naked, in a fetal position on the floor of the shower while hot water poured over me, praying, crying, yelling, sobbing..............that's when my surrender happened. I was screaming "I SURRENDER!" (I don't usually yell at my HP but I did that morning--maybe I thought he would finally hear me?) And then a peace swept over me that I cannot describe. I knew at that moment that it was my higher power accepting my surrender. HE knew it was for real.
But there was a lot of "stuff" that got me to that point.
gentle hugs
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