FGB

My son thought he was coming home today, that is, until yesterday. He called me at work, just as I was about to leave. He told me that now he HAS to go to a halfway house, in a neighboring state, and that he'll be there for 3 months. Then he said "Thank you very much, good bye."

Well, I guess he's mad at me again. Oh well! I think he was looking forward to coming home and drinking again, and when he didn't get his way, he is angry at me again, for starting the whole process. I'm glad he's going, I wish it were for longer! I last spoke to him on xmas eve, when he called us. Yup, it was all talk. I'm learning to watch actions now.

I think if he were serious about his recovery he wouldn't have been complaining about going to 1/2way house. I now see the childish behavior when he doesn't get his way.

So, today I went to the 2nd hand shop and bought him a couple pr of jeans, and some t shirts and boxers. His dad will take them to him.

I'm not sure if I'm angry at him or at me. Me for being fooled into thinking/believing he was doing well and serious about it. Him for fooling me, and being angry at me instead of himself.

I'm liking Kindeye's favorite phrase right now. Oh well.

I'm exhausted from working 13 hour shifts, with 8 hours off in between. I'm tired of the holidays and just want to sleep for a whole day. I still plan on getting to a meeting, but it's just been impossible lately. I think I've been doing pretty good, but I think f2f will help me do better!!

Thanks for listening.
Hugs,
FGB

keepinon

Who knows if he was planning on drinking, but now he will be in a safe place.It definately takes a while for stuff to sink in so the longer he is in a program the better.He'll get over being mad about this too, just like he did last time.He was very progressed in his disease and with the brain truama PLUS being in early recovery expect some fits and unhappiness.
I hope you get some rest and get to a meeting soon!

Impurrfect

(((FGB))) - sorry he's angry, but very glad he's going into a halfway house.

I don't remember who said it (Freedom, maybe) but I loved it - "he can get mad in the same pants he gets glad in".

You're doing an awesome job, and I hope you get some rest and "me" time soon.

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

Kindeyes

I'm so glad to hear that he's going to a halfway house for three months. That's so good. And let him be mad.......you're right.......oh well. Better mad than dead....and he came so close.

This also gives YOU time! Three months! Three months to begin getting to those meetings. Three months to rest from the drama. Three months to really get grounded in your own recovery. Your HP is working overtime for you and your son right now.

You are a good, kind, strong mother.

gentle hugs

FGB

Thanks everyone. Yes, I'm not giving up on getting to f2f meetings and am looking forward to it, as soon as things calm down just a little!! Just found out he will be going to a sober house when he leaves the 1/2way house and he is agreeing to it, well, right now he's agreeing to it, it's still 3 months away. I feel cautiously hopeful at least.

FGB

He just called to apologize for being angry, and to let me know he was leaving for the 1/2way house. He SEEMS to be in a better mood and optimistic, so again I'm cautiously optimistic!

Yes, I'm looking forward to these next 3 months to be working on me! Thank you all for your support through this. I appreciate you all very much! FGB

Kindeyes

FGB
I find that my son's (RAS) emotions are all over the place. I just don't get caught up in them. It is really nice to find peace and not allow myself to react to someone else's moods. It's their mood, let them own it. Particularly with someone trying to recover from a long period of drug or alcohol use, they have little control over their emotions. They've been anesthitized for years--feeling these emotions is new to them. If we react negatively (or in any way) to those tantrums, we aren't allowing them the dignity to comfort themselves and get back in balance.

You and your son will continue to be in my prayers.

gentle hugs

FGB

Kindeyes, thank you. I didn't react the other day while we were on the phone. And today when he apologized I told him that I understood his emotions were going to be all over the place for awhile. So, while I'm not reacting towards him, I'm probably taking it a little too hard on myself. I'll try to go easier on me too, this is all still new stuff to both of us!! Thanks again. FGB

keepinon

and those emotions all over the place..that's why I pay for sober living..spew it all out on someone who's not your mom..they can handle it so much better..it's their job!

tam

glad to hear your son is going to a half way house fgb. you will now have to time to take care of you. isnt it nice not reacting? you are sure showing your recovery..good going!

JMFburns

As always, I'm glad to see updates about you and your son.

My son is 1 1/2 years clean and that same time of not being homeless. He is living in a sober living environment, but there is very little management by the owner - one guy drinks. But my son is glad to have a place to call home that isn't a homeless shelter.

I hope that your son absorbs good things from the 1/2 way house and sober living.

There is always something going on in my day/week/etc. that makes me want to skip my f2f meetings, but they really do help. It is usually when I least want to go that I get the most out of the meeting!

Take care FGB.