mamaangelique

All the times in the past when my AH has left I am a total mess until he comes back. He's been gone almost 3 weeks and I feel weird. I cried a lot the first week. This week it's only been 2 or 3 times. I don't know if this is bc he always comes back so I'm just kinda waiting for him to try to come home or if I am just over it for the most part?

How do you know the difference between knowing you are done with a relationship and being in denial??

doneforsure

mamaangelique, I haven't met you, it's nice to meet you, I'm sorry that you're dealing with what you are. It's been a long time since I've posted. The addict in my life was my exagf. In my experience, I knew that I was done with my exagf when I didn't want her to call or contact me anymore, when all I wanted was for her to just leave me alone and not be a part of the drama and chaos that she created everyday with her addiction.

It took me many times, too many to count over 5 years, of splitting up before I finally reached that point. That point is different for everyone. You will know when you have reached it. Noone can really tell you when that is.

But no matter where you are in the journey, the wonderful thing is that you found this site, and the advice, experience, and wisdom of the wonderful people here I hope will help you as they helped me.

mamaangelique

the biggest difference this time is that he has also left his 2 year old son, he has seen him twice in the 2.5 weeks he's been gone, each for 20-25 min. It also is different that he isn't even denying his relapse and says that right now he doesn't have a lot of desire to get back in recovery because "I tried living that lifestyle and I see where it got me" (nevermind the 3 promotions, new car and relationship with his son and family that he got living that lifestyle). But I think those things are really big factors in my feeling of ambivilance, rather than being just devestated.

doneforsure

Excuses are always plentiful with our addicts. There's always a reason, most times not the most rational, that things are the way they are, and just about never that there is a serious issue with addiction, their's. I feel for you, especially for your son. They were children involved in my situation too, one hers, one mine, both the same age, and it's heartbreaking that a man or a woman could spend so little time with an innocent, precious, and I'm sure beautiful little boy like yours, or girl. I can say this, my son survived, he was hurt, and although my situation was different than what you face as I was not married, he and I both were much happier and healthier when I stopped allowing addiction to hurt both of us. Believe me, I loved my exagf's girl as much as my own son, and I spent many nights thinking about both of those kids who spent 6 years together, but I believe that others will come along and say what I say now, that taking care of yourself and your son are the most important things. We can't love someone into wanting recovery and to do what we see as "the right thing". Living with this kind of thing I think makes us feel a lot of things. Please keep sharing and know that we are all with you.