They're punishing their grandkids....
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Join Date: May 2010
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They're punishing their grandkids....
So my FIL and MIL have let my twins' birthday come and go without so much as a phone call. They have made it clear that this as an act of spite because of our NC with SIL and BIL. BIL and SIL are still active - nothing has changed on that front.
MIL & FIL, have made a choice and though I disagree about the appropriateness of punishing children for the "disagreeable" actions of their parents, it is still their choice and they own the consequences therewith. It just makes me sad that they could do this to the kids
their own grandkids.
Anyway, DH has sent emails & or texts to his parents on the subject. I believe that long as he is simply expressing his feelings on the subject that this is fine, but if he is sending an email or text with any kind of expectations he needs to reevaluate himself. I guess in a nutshell I advised him to check his motives before hitting send. My in-laws are so very sick..... Thanks for letting me share.
MIL & FIL, have made a choice and though I disagree about the appropriateness of punishing children for the "disagreeable" actions of their parents, it is still their choice and they own the consequences therewith. It just makes me sad that they could do this to the kids
their own grandkids.Anyway, DH has sent emails & or texts to his parents on the subject. I believe that long as he is simply expressing his feelings on the subject that this is fine, but if he is sending an email or text with any kind of expectations he needs to reevaluate himself. I guess in a nutshell I advised him to check his motives before hitting send. My in-laws are so very sick..... Thanks for letting me share.
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Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Kansas
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I'm so sorry. It's extremely sad when adults retaliate like that instead of keeping the best interests of the children in mind.
Your children don't need to be around toxic, vindictive people like that, so consider it a blessing in disguise.
Sending you hugs on the Kansas winds today.
Your children don't need to be around toxic, vindictive people like that, so consider it a blessing in disguise.
Sending you hugs on the Kansas winds today.
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My kids really don't seem to mind their grandparent's absence. I grew up without ever really knowing my paternal grandparents (long story). It is my experience that can't miss what you never had.
I do agree, the MIL and FIL are toxic and this is their loss. The problem is that these shenanigans are very hurtful for their son. Perhaps they know this and this is a manipulation tactic? Idk...
DH says that he is ready to go NC with his parents now - I have never seen him this angry. Here I am reminding him that they are sick; he's not feeling very forgiving or tolerant right now. I will support him in whatever he decides to do as long as the safety of my kids is not compromised.
I do agree, the MIL and FIL are toxic and this is their loss. The problem is that these shenanigans are very hurtful for their son. Perhaps they know this and this is a manipulation tactic? Idk...
DH says that he is ready to go NC with his parents now - I have never seen him this angry. Here I am reminding him that they are sick; he's not feeling very forgiving or tolerant right now. I will support him in whatever he decides to do as long as the safety of my kids is not compromised.
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certainly shows how much in denial they are. sounds like the kids are better off not being infected by their toxic attitudes. I agree with you, your kids safety is the most important consideration.
Hugs,
Chris
Hugs,
Chris
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Join Date: May 2010
Location: central coast, ca
Posts: 1,652
THIS is how codependency..not addiction really tear families apart..all their misguided "loyalty" will keep them from (what I'm guessing) is one of the high points of their lives..being grandparents. it is a real loss for your husband, to see them as sick as they are.
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Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Waterford MI
Posts: 4,202
I do not have any grandchildren yet.
Never in my life could I choose addicted adults over the babies.
sigh.......
but, i have my own reasons i guess, i am sorry your husband has to deal with this.
and if his sibling has always been the "problem" child who got the attention, well, that sucks big time.
your children are better off not being a part of this dynamic, but geez, it just makes me want to shake somebody.
i will go pet the dog instead. she gets me. lol
happy birthday to your twins, nerdgirl.
happy birthday from this un-gramma!
Never in my life could I choose addicted adults over the babies.
sigh.......
but, i have my own reasons i guess, i am sorry your husband has to deal with this.
and if his sibling has always been the "problem" child who got the attention, well, that sucks big time.
your children are better off not being a part of this dynamic, but geez, it just makes me want to shake somebody.
i will go pet the dog instead. she gets me. lol
happy birthday to your twins, nerdgirl.
happy birthday from this un-gramma!
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Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 2,064
I have a sil just like that, has treated my daughter like crap and talked crap about her because she has a bf in the military. I finally had my fill of it and have gone nc, just over trying to smile and ignore it all. I feel sorry for her because it could be such a loving relationship but her loss. That's how i would view it as sad for them, less to spend on xmas for them.. got to find a positive in this.
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@wicked thank you, my kids had an awesome drama-free birthday 
The in laws view the addicted kids as being more vulnerable, fragile, or mentally challenged or whatever - just that they need to be insulated from the consequences of their actions as much as possible. It makes my husband very upset.
I don't want to say that that my codependent in laws are terrible people, (God wouldn't make what God doesn't love) but they have done some really awful things to us. In working though my resentments towards them i had to ask myself how much responsibility did i have for the outcome. After much review, our only fault was that we trusted them, and that was a mistake that *I* will never make again. Never. Ever. I'm still pretty bitter about the theft of nearly 100 k from us, courtesy of my FIL, who is miserly with his own money but spends his son's (and grandkids') money freely. He stole from us, and now we are beyond broke. I hate what he has done to us, and I am more than a little relieved that I don't need to see his face now that we're going NC with FIL and MIL. The vindictive, ugly side of me is glad that he suffers, that suffering lends credence to the impression that there is some equity in the wworThey view the addicted kids as being more vulnerable, fragile, or mentally challenged or whatever - just that they need to be insulated from the consequences of their actions as much as possible. It makes my husband very upset. I don't want to say that they are terrible people, (God wouldn't make what God doesn't love) but they have done some really awful things to us. Like screw us (and by extension their grandkids) for A LOT of money. We trusted them, and that was a mistake that I will never make again. Never.They view the addicted kids as being more vulnerable, fragile, or mentally challenged or whatever - just that they need to be insulated from the consequences of their actions as much as possible. It makes my husband very upset. I don't want to say that they are terrible people, (God wouldn't make what God doesn't love) but they have done some really awful things to us. Like screw us (and by extension their grandkids) for A LOT of money. We trusted them, and that was a mistake that I will never make agai
(Who was it that said b.I.t.c.h stood for Being In Total Control of Herself? I love that!)
@keepinon you hit the nail on the head. They have defective reasoning right now, I hope in time that they will get the help that they need so desperately.
@kindeyes & freedom, thanks for the hugs, I feel like a I've been hit by a bus, then the bus backed up and ran me down a second time.
The in laws view the addicted kids as being more vulnerable, fragile, or mentally challenged or whatever - just that they need to be insulated from the consequences of their actions as much as possible. It makes my husband very upset. I don't want to say that that my codependent in laws are terrible people, (God wouldn't make what God doesn't love) but they have done some really awful things to us. In working though my resentments towards them i had to ask myself how much responsibility did i have for the outcome. After much review, our only fault was that we trusted them, and that was a mistake that *I* will never make again. Never. Ever. I'm still pretty bitter about the theft of nearly 100 k from us, courtesy of my FIL, who is miserly with his own money but spends his son's (and grandkids') money freely. He stole from us, and now we are beyond broke. I hate what he has done to us, and I am more than a little relieved that I don't need to see his face now that we're going NC with FIL and MIL. The vindictive, ugly side of me is glad that he suffers, that suffering lends credence to the impression that there is some equity in the wworThey view the addicted kids as being more vulnerable, fragile, or mentally challenged or whatever - just that they need to be insulated from the consequences of their actions as much as possible. It makes my husband very upset. I don't want to say that they are terrible people, (God wouldn't make what God doesn't love) but they have done some really awful things to us. Like screw us (and by extension their grandkids) for A LOT of money. We trusted them, and that was a mistake that I will never make again. Never.They view the addicted kids as being more vulnerable, fragile, or mentally challenged or whatever - just that they need to be insulated from the consequences of their actions as much as possible. It makes my husband very upset. I don't want to say that they are terrible people, (God wouldn't make what God doesn't love) but they have done some really awful things to us. Like screw us (and by extension their grandkids) for A LOT of money. We trusted them, and that was a mistake that I will never make agai
(Who was it that said b.I.t.c.h stood for Being In Total Control of Herself? I love that!)
@keepinon you hit the nail on the head. They have defective reasoning right now, I hope in time that they will get the help that they need so desperately.
@kindeyes & freedom, thanks for the hugs, I feel like a I've been hit by a bus, then the bus backed up and ran me down a second time.
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@wicked thank you, my kids had an awesome drama-free birthday The in laws view the addicted kids as being more vulnerable, fragile, or mentally challenged or whatever - just that they need to be insulated from the consequences of their actions as much as possible. It makes my husband very upset.
I don't want to say that that my codependent in laws are terrible people, (God wouldn't make what God doesn't love) but they have done some really awful things to us. In working though my resentments towards them i had to ask myself how much responsibility did i have for the outcome. After much review, our only fault was that we trusted them, and that was a mistake that *I* will never make again. Never. Ever. I'm still pretty bitter about the theft of nearly 100 k from us, courtesy of my FIL, who is miserly with his own money but spends his son's (and grandkids') money freely. He stole from us, and now we are beyond broke. I hate what he has done to us, and I am more than a little relieved that I don't need to see his face now that we're going NC with FIL and MIL. The vindictive, ugly side of me is glad that he suffers, that suffering lends credence to the impression that there is some equity in the wworThey view the addicted kids as being more vulnerable, fragile, or mentally challenged or whatever - just that they need to be insulated from the consequences of their actions as much as possible. It makes my husband very upset. I don't want to say that they are terrible people, (God wouldn't make what God doesn't love) but they have done some really awful things to us. Like screw us (and by extension their grandkids) for A LOT of money. We trusted them, and that was a mistake that I will never make again. Never.They view the addicted kids as being more vulnerable, fragile, or mentally challenged or whatever - just that they need to be insulated from the consequences of their actions as much as possible. It makes my husband very upset. I don't want to say that they are terrible people, (God wouldn't make what God doesn't love) but they have done some really awful things to us. Like screw us (and by extension their grandkids) for A LOT of money. We trusted them, and that was a mistake that I will never make agai
(Who was it that said b.I.t.c.h stood for Being In Total Control of Herself? I love that!)
@keepinon you hit the nail on the head. They have defective reasoning right now, I hope in time that they will get the help that they need so desperately.
@kindeyes & freedom, thanks for the hugs, I feel like a I've been hit by a bus, then the bus backed up and ran me down a second time.
The in laws view the addicted kids as being more vulnerable, fragile, or mentally challenged or whatever - just that they need to be insulated from the consequences of their actions as much as possible. It makes my husband very upset. I don't want to say that that my codependent in laws are terrible people, (God wouldn't make what God doesn't love) but they have done some really awful things to us. In working though my resentments towards them i had to ask myself how much responsibility did i have for the outcome. After much review, our only fault was that we trusted them, and that was a mistake that *I* will never make again. Never. Ever. I'm still pretty bitter about the theft of nearly 100 k from us, courtesy of my FIL, who is miserly with his own money but spends his son's (and grandkids') money freely. He stole from us, and now we are beyond broke. I hate what he has done to us, and I am more than a little relieved that I don't need to see his face now that we're going NC with FIL and MIL. The vindictive, ugly side of me is glad that he suffers, that suffering lends credence to the impression that there is some equity in the wworThey view the addicted kids as being more vulnerable, fragile, or mentally challenged or whatever - just that they need to be insulated from the consequences of their actions as much as possible. It makes my husband very upset. I don't want to say that they are terrible people, (God wouldn't make what God doesn't love) but they have done some really awful things to us. Like screw us (and by extension their grandkids) for A LOT of money. We trusted them, and that was a mistake that I will never make again. Never.They view the addicted kids as being more vulnerable, fragile, or mentally challenged or whatever - just that they need to be insulated from the consequences of their actions as much as possible. It makes my husband very upset. I don't want to say that they are terrible people, (God wouldn't make what God doesn't love) but they have done some really awful things to us. Like screw us (and by extension their grandkids) for A LOT of money. We trusted them, and that was a mistake that I will never make agai
(Who was it that said b.I.t.c.h stood for Being In Total Control of Herself? I love that!)
@keepinon you hit the nail on the head. They have defective reasoning right now, I hope in time that they will get the help that they need so desperately.
@kindeyes & freedom, thanks for the hugs, I feel like a I've been hit by a bus, then the bus backed up and ran me down a second time.
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Join Date: May 2010
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Hmm, I was having problems with my mobile device last night and can't fix it. Oh boy! My my paste function went wild and I have a duplicate with other duplications from my journal post!!! . Thanks again for all the advice & insight.
Wow. Major league oops there. I'm pretty ashamed of some of the things that went up, they were not meant for public consumption....
. Thanks again for all the advice & insight. Wow. Major league oops there. I'm pretty ashamed of some of the things that went up, they were not meant for public consumption....
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nergirl,
i think your kids are very lucky to have you as a mom.
they will get the stability that they need, with the absence from the grandparents. it's probably a blessing.
what a head-shaker, though.
i think your kids are very lucky to have you as a mom.
they will get the stability that they need, with the absence from the grandparents. it's probably a blessing.
what a head-shaker, though.
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Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Niagara Region, Canada
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OMG!!! can i say that any clearer...OMG!!
i can tell you this...I am in the same shoes as you...BUT my husband died, and HIS PARENTS have not seen their 2 grandbabies since their births...my son is 9 years old now, and my daughter is 8 years old...you talk about SICK....but...would not change a god damn thing.....my kids are HEALTHY and knows about alcohol and what it does to someone who has no control "allergy" to the addiction...
I do not talk bad about their grandparents because they are SICK ....left to my HP...
i can tell you this...I am in the same shoes as you...BUT my husband died, and HIS PARENTS have not seen their 2 grandbabies since their births...my son is 9 years old now, and my daughter is 8 years old...you talk about SICK....but...would not change a god damn thing.....my kids are HEALTHY and knows about alcohol and what it does to someone who has no control "allergy" to the addiction...
I do not talk bad about their grandparents because they are SICK ....left to my HP...
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