Kindeyes

"Recovery is surrendering, acknowledging, and working on behaviors....as well as no longer using." (from a post by Keepinon)

This statement was made in a post yesterday by Keepinon and it struck me with tremendous force. As a co-dependent, my recovery is surrendering, acknowledging and working on behaviors.......AND IT'S HARD! Very hard to change behaviors that have been ingrained for many many years. Behaviors that have been a part of me for my entire life! It's hard to change ME. I understand why the serenity prayer says "the courage to change". It does take courage. It takes a lot of self examination and I don't always like what I see. It's really hard and it's very humbling.

But I don't have to do the last part of what Keepinon said......"as well as no longer using". The addict has two very difficult and courageous things to do. If I'm having such a tough time just trying to change myself, imagine the difficulty an active addict faces. I have renewed compassion for the addict who needs to acknowledge they need to change behaviors...... through a mind that is (or has been) altered by substances.

I have tremendous respect for every single recovering addict out there. Their road is a lot rougher than the one I am currently on. And tremendous compassion for every single active addict who is caught in the trap of substance abuse.

As much as I wish that I did not have a reason to be on this journey, I am thankful for the opportunity to change.....me. I need to change and I'm working on it (but it's a slow process lol).

Today.......I'm going to focus on compassion.

gentle hugs

Ann

Wonderful post, Kindeyes.

I think when our fear turns to faith and our anger turns to compassion, we know we are well on our way in recovery.

Yes, change is very difficult, but I'd do it all a hundred times again to get to a better place than I was in before change.

Thanks for my morning inspiration.

Hugs

keepinon

Im not sure it is more difficult for the addict ..I definately have compassion.But they always say on Intervention..the addicts haven't been facing their consequences..WE pick up the pieces, THEY get to numb out. While in recovery they have to deal with behaviors and nopt numbing out,yes. But still, they have sooo much support.Look how many aa/na meeting there are compared to alanon.I can't go to a meeting everyday if I want.Also, no one is paying for me to have therapy and behavior modification all day. Not that their recovery is easy, but I think ours is just as hard, and not as celibrated by society..where's my chip? Beleive me I am just as tempted to numb out.....

Kindeyes

keepinon
I understand your position (believe me......I really do).

I guess as I was contemplating compassion this morning, I was thinking from a spiritual perspective. Sometimes compassion is most needed for those who seem to be least deserving.

(And don't get me wrong......I have tremendous compassion for the loved ones of addicts, but they are the ones who are obviously deserving of our compassion.)

gentle hugs

sojourner

Our Alanon meeting gives chips. I must say, though, that it is not an Alanon Conference Approved thing. But we do that. I have mine in my change purse. I cannot believe how much of a pearl that thing is to me.

Live

I never had so much trouble with having compassion for my loved ones as I did for myself.
Even with all my anger at them...it was really fear for them.

greeteachday

I remember one of the first recovery oriented programs I went to at my daughter's rehab and they said, there is a reason Alanon and Naranon don't give out white chips...they can't afford it for all the times we anon-ers relapse, lol.

Kindeyes, It helped me embrace compassion in my early recovery to think about legal but bad habits I had that I could not break no matter how much I wanted to and no matter the shame I felt because I could not. Things like smoking, at the time (yippee, over 20 months ago I finally did use my recovery tools to kick that addiction)...How many times did I say I wanted to quit and for a day or two or maybe 5, I meant what I said and then I would rationalize and sneak and feel so ashamed, but still smoke. When I found a way to compare something like that against the incredibly overwhelming challenge of beating an addiction that actually changes the make up of one's brain, never mind robbing the soul, I dropped to my knees, asking God and the universe to forgive me for judging my child and thinking if she "just tried" she could stop. I am so glad I found compassion and was able to have a loving relationship void of resentments with my daughter before we lost her.

I think those with addictions, no matter what they are, who decide that they need to work hard to recover, are some of the strongest, most inspiring people in the world. My friends in recovery have traveled a path that has changed them, but in all cases, the change has made them stronger, more compassionate, more able to embrace and love life and live it to its fullest while giving back a thousand times over. They have my utmost admiration and respect and love.

litehorse

thank you so much for this post - it is filled with compassionate understandings that are very important to keep in mind when dealing with anyone (including ourselves) what a better world we would all live in if everyone had this kind of compassion