Countblessings

I am married to a man with an addictive personality. I have recently found out just how many things have control over him. It has poisoned every facet of our lives. I am in counseling but I don't have faith he has the will or strength to quit any of it.

kiki5711

Hi how are you?

What is his personality addicted to? Anything in particular or a bunch of things all at the same time?

Countblessings

Hi - barely hanging on some days but thank you for asking.
It started with tobacco years ago, (small stuff I know) but moved into alcohol then drugs then porn. it seems like he has no control over his desires, whatever they may be. like there is no "off" switch in his brain.

kiki5711

Have you been married a long time? Kids?

Countblessings

yes, I am 48 and I met him when I was 16 (married at 23). 3 kids, 2 in college, 1 a sr in high school. we had a perfect life - or so I thought. Nice house, jobs, went to church on Sunday, the whole deal. I almost feel guilty because I know others who are in a worse place than me but it doesnt seem to make it hurt any less

summer017

Hi
Don't feel guilty at all! Everyones circumstances are different but somehow the same where addictions have changed their lives and made them into something they could never have imagined. The powerlessness, the hurt, the selfishness, the shame.. everyone who has addiction somehow involved in their lives feels these things.

Addiction in its various forms has taken control of someone you love and changed your views on your relationship, your life and the problem with addiction is that you yourself have no power over it. But you will find the way to be happy. Focusing on YOUR life. Your children and finding your piece of mind. Are all things that will add positivity into your heart.

What are you doing for yourself these days?

xoxo

Countblessings

thank you for the kind words and selfless support. like I said, I am seeing a counselor, I am exercising, walking, reading, may try yoga.....I am all over the place because I am so desperate to help myself out of this. I feel so bad for my kids and what this will do to them. Thanking God they are older.

summer017

Doing things for yourself, like the things you listed, are not to be taken lightly! They are very very important in the process of clearing your mind. When you are healthy you are able to make healthy decisions.

Although his addictions are no doubt affecting your life, you are still in control of yourself. Your thoughts, your actions and reactions and your boundaries.

Your children will be fine. The younger generation (myself included as I am 24) has grown very resilient and able to withstand much more than you would believe!

Continue to self love and you will soon learn that you are much stronger than you think. You are surrounded with support here, so be sure to use that to your advantage! Personally, just writing down my thoughts, my hopes, my plans, has always helped steer me in the right direction when it came to my addict.

xoxo

coffeedrinker

WELCOME to S/R, CountBlessings.

You have stumbled upon a great forum, full of big-hearted and smart folks who have walked in your very same shoes.


This desperate feeling, this pain you are in, will serve you well. No one ever made a change because everything was peachy - it is just the nature of things.
You are doing all the right things. Just keep on a'grabbin those life savers as they come your way, and you will move to a different place.

Peace....

keepinon

I reccomend alanon meetings..helps me..

lunaa

Weclome here.
I think it's very positive that you are trying to do things for yourself.
As someone mentioned ,healthy people make healthy decision.
dont give it up.