Another first timer.. Just needs to talk.

Old 09-23-2010, 06:21 PM
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Another first timer.. Just needs to talk.

Hi all -

I came across this webforum recently when I was researching what had become a major issue in my life.. That is my friend/gf who had become addicted to a terrible substance.. I dont know if I am ready to put the entire story out there but just writing here makes me feel better.. We have known each other 8 years and been very close for about half of that time. We have recently reconnected after a long hiatus.. I found out that during that time she had become a daily user and almost lost everything.. Things were good for a while, but the addiction was just too strong in the end.. She finally sought help and I am happy to say that she is currently getting inpatient treatment. I encouraged her to do this every chance I got - but always knew she had to do this for herself.. I am so proud of her - I do miss her so much everyday but I am so happy this person who I love so much is getting the help they need.

Love to you all..

Andy
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Old 09-23-2010, 08:41 PM
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Andy
Welcome to SR......I hope you'll find comfort here knowing that others understand what it's like to love someone who is addicted.

gentle hugs
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Old 09-24-2010, 02:44 AM
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andy - welcome - you have come to a great place for understanding and compassion - i 'm so glad to hear that your gf has taken steps to get help for herself -
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Old 09-24-2010, 04:51 AM
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Welcome Andy, I hope that we can help you along the way to her recovery.
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Old 09-24-2010, 05:04 AM
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Thank you all so much - I do have one question.. What is the usual policy on writing a letter in?? Will it be delivered or just ripped up by staff?
I def. do not want to do anything to negatively affect progress.
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Old 09-24-2010, 06:26 AM
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Welcome around Andy.

My prayers.
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Old 09-24-2010, 06:49 AM
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hi there, welcome to the forum lots of support here!

while my bf was in rehab i would send him letters/packages from time to time. notes, pictures, gag gifts and comfy clothing. he told me that they would go through the package with him and give him everything that passed inspection. nothing i ever sent got denied. i don't know if it is different where your gf is? you can always call and ask about protocol.

i know how tough it is, esp when communication is so limited, but it will get easier. this will become a stress relief to know that she is safe and on her way to a healthy life. my boyfriend would make phone calls very short, one because there were many people waiting to make calls, and also because it was hard to hear the voices of loved ones. he told me that although he wanted to talk to me and see how i was, that after hanging up the phone he would always feel really bad because he just wanted to be home. i don't know if it will be the same in your situation - but i understand where he was coming from.

i hope that you are able to take this time and focus on your personal happiness. relationships with those in active addiction are very draining, i know from personal experience where my boyfriend was an iv opiate addict. only two healthy people can have a healthy relationship. your gf is taking great steps towards her recovery, that is great news. keep in mind that the process of recovery is never over when it comes to an addict, it must become a way of life.

you have picked a great forum, make sure you read around there are so many stories and an enormous amount of support here. those of us with an addict in our life (whether active or in recovery) carry a different kind of weight on our shoulders and must learn how to carry the necessary weight and how to release the rest.

again, welcome and i hope that your gf stays on the road to sobriety
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Old 09-24-2010, 06:15 PM
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Thank you all so much for the replies.. I have never seen such a amazing group of compassionate understanding group of people all in one place.

Summer you are absolutely right.. After reading this I realized that I have been so caught up in this that I probably have not been attending to myself as I should.. Gym days slipped from 4 to 2, cooking at home less etc.. Its funny how it sorta creeps on you and you don't even realize it.. I am definitely going to spend some quality time on myself -
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Old 09-24-2010, 06:52 PM
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When my son was in rehab they would "censor" all his mail. They encouraged us, that if we sent cards and letters, to keep them short and to the point..."Hope you are doing well. Thinking of you. Sending my love." that sort of thing. Don't send anything too dramatic or dripping with emotion or drama... that probably won't pass inspection.

Hope that helps.

Good luck and welcome to SR!
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Old 09-24-2010, 07:22 PM
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Hello Bostonandy. Welcome to the SoberRecovery site. This is where all recovering addicts, and people who love addicts come together, and give love and support to one another. I hope you find some peace and comfort here with all of us. God Bless your friend. I am glad that she decided to get the help she needs. GOD BLESS the both of you. If you want to write to your friend, I reccomend calling the place she is in, and asking what you can and cannot send in the mail. They open everything and check to make sure no drugs are going in to the facility. They want you to follow some guide lines for a reason.
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Old 09-24-2010, 07:40 PM
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I would suggest alanon or naranon for you..we do the same steps and have the same priciples as NA and AA. You will learn about addiction and how to work on YOUR own recovery which anyone involved with an addict can benefit from. Self care is so important..she is getting what she needs and its time for you to do the same!
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Old 09-24-2010, 07:47 PM
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Welcome Andy. When I first realized my husband was an addict, I felt the same way. I didn't want to type the words, to utter the name of the drug, to even let myself believe it. I guess I felt that would make it all too real for me.

But, over time, there have definitely been some points of amazing, love-filled LIGHT on this forum. Keep reading. You'll see how alone you are NOT.

Love to you.
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Old 09-24-2010, 10:35 PM
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welcome andy! glad you found us
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Old 09-25-2010, 10:05 AM
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Thank you all so much... I did consider going to one of those naranon meetings, Its just hard for me to accept that "I" need any help .. But yeah, over the years I have felt pain from this.. The on again off again part of the relationship was her alternating between me and the "enabler" - after reading I feel like in part, he was dragging her down and I was unintentionally, in a sick way, enabling, by pulling her back up.. Getting her well, rested up and ready for another run w/ the cocaine and his abusive ways.. ugh.. this is too complicated for my mind
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Old 09-25-2010, 10:11 AM
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Welcome!!!
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Old 09-26-2010, 07:11 PM
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Originally Posted by bostonandy View Post
Thank you all so much... I did consider going to one of those naranon meetings, Its just hard for me to accept that "I" need any help
You're in good company on that one (hey, you said we were a great group!)

We are the ones who are solid....right?
We are the ones who have our act together, who hold other people's together, and we are the ones who have the outward appearance of confident and competent.

And we are all those things.

Think of nar-anon or al-anon as something that may teach you some things you don't already know about addiction. And then just go. You will likely get to the "oh, man, there is a problem here with me and the way I relate to others" down the road. It's ok. It will propel you to greater heights.


Glad you found us here, Andy. to S/R
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