steve1840

I dont know how to do it. i agreed to meet again tonight for a bit after work. i wont give any money.

i dont know how to do it, or say it. i have never bee nso weak before about something. this is crazy to me. i am...i dont even know.

i know in my head what seems right.arrrgh...maybeI should go to crises!!!

Seren

Hi Steve,

I'm sorry you are in such pain. Just like an addict has to hit bottom, so do you.....and you haven't yet. The pain can stop and the power is in your hands.

Hugs and prayers,
HG

dollydo

Jeez, I am beginning to think that you could screw up a one car funeral...and, it may end up being hers.

She has you wrapped around her little finger. She knows how to manipulate you, she has this con down pat. All addicts lie, all addicts play others to get what they want. They pray on others weaknesses.

Unless you step out of the way, she may never find recovery, why should she? When she is out of money, out of drugs and there are no more tricks to turn, guess who she calls? Good Ole Steve....yes she knows that she will have a place to flop and recharge her batteries, and, then head back out to the street she will go.

She is no closer to recovery than she was the first time you posted. You are living in a fantasy world, it is time to step back into reality.

You don't know me, but, I am the daughter of an alcoholic mother and father. My father stopped drinking 20 years ago (they were divorced, however, he married another A).

Listen to this, my mother is 85, she has been drinking everyday for over 60 years. I went no contact with her for 10 years, no, she did not stop drinking, however, she now understands my bounderies, she knows better than to cross them. She is too far gone to save, and, at her age what the h*ll difference does it make.

Your GF is young, she has a chance, if you will ever stop sticking your nose into her life. If you will just let her HP step in, she may just fall to her knees, and, seek recovery.

Do you know that I use to drive a pink hummer? Yes sir, I did, and, I use to drive around the US picking up codies who were in need of help, my road trips were memorable. The old timers (sorry) here can fill you in on the details.....I put my baby in the garage for the last 3 years as most codies who post here don't need a hummer intervention. You do!

It's time fellow codies, ready for a trip? I am all gassed up, and my baby is humming, lets hit the road and save Steve from himself!

Seriously Steve, STOP, love her enough to let her go, do the right thing!

Ann

Whoa, back up the train here...does nobody remember how hard it was for them to let go?

I know it was very hard for me, no matter how many people told me I "must". That said, once I did let go it was a huge relief and I then understood what everyone was talking about. But first I had to give up my front row seat.

What helped me most was going to meetings and finding live support from people who had been where I was.

Steve, if you do nothing else to help yourself right now, please find a meeting and try it, try several until it feels comfortable, and I promise you it will be the best gift you ever gave yourself.

Hugs

dollydo

Yes, I do remember, and, I do understand how difficult it was, he is asking for help, reread all his posts, many extended their hand to him, all want nothing more than for him to find peace and happiness.

Meetings have been suggested over and over again, perhaps a more direct approach will help him to find his way. We all take different paths, and how we get there really doesn't matter, as long as we finally get there.

We care about Steve, and he knows it.

tjp613

Maybe this is the night Steve will give her the detachment speech he's wanted to deliver. Oh, please let it be!!

Steve, I hate to see you in such pain! But hey, I've done worse and for a much longer period.

Here, this is for you to ponder....

Life in 6 Chapters

I walk down the street...
there is a hole in the street.
I fall into the hole... but I do not know I am in it.
Finally I see the hole and try to get out.
It takes a long time to get out of the hole.

I walk down the same street..
the hole is still there... I see the hole.
I fall into the hole again.... but I recognize where I am,
and I want to be out of the hole.
It still takes a long time to get out of the hole.

I walk down the same street...
the hole is still there... I see the hole and
still fall into the hole again... it has become familiar..
But I have learned how to get out of the hole and..
Get out of the hole much quicker.

I walk down the same street...
the hole is always going to be there in this street.
I see the hole..... and recognize it.. and think fondly of it..
but I think I don't want to be in the hole again.
But I walk directly toward the hole and fall in again.
I get out immediately.

I walk down the same street...
the hole hasn't moved... I like the looks of the hole
Yet I remember I don't want to be in the hole...
I remember the feelings in the hole.. I veer away...
I walk around the hole and continue on my way.

I go for a walk.... I walk down a different street.

-- Unknown

Steve, I hope your time in The Hole is much shorter than mine. (((Hugs)))

lunaa

Great way of putting it up. love your words.

cece1960

Steve,
I didn't know how either. It wasn't until my sons addiction almost took me down also, that I had no choice but to stop being involved with his world of drugs.

It may come to that with you as well. I hope not, but many of us had to experience the deep fall into the big black hole to realize how far we were enmeshed in their chaos.

One thing I have learned is that I can't tell you what to do, anymore than I can tell my son.

My son is no better or worse since I've removed myself from the problem. However, the law is catching up with him and may be "what it takes". I hope so, because I don't have the power to do what they can.

I know you love this gal...and I love my son.

Again, the choice is yours to make things better...for you.

Seren

Hi Steve, (and Ann),

I'm truly sorry if it sounded as if I was pouncing on you. I do realize how hard it is to let go, and it is clear that you are in a lot of pain. Just like with an addict, there is little that any one of us can do to get you to help yourself.

I just hope that you will realize how much control you truly have over your own peace, joy, and serenity. All my best to you, Steve.

Hugs, HG

enoughandenough

hi steve,

i just joined this site, and i know so much of what you´re going through. i finally got the courage to break up with my bf 3 weeks ago. he went on a binger for a week, and then checked himself into rehab. it doesn´t always happen like this obviously..and it was horrible when he left and i knew what he was going to do, and i had no control over it or where he was, or when or if he would come out alive. i lost 15 pounds in 3 weeks, which brings me down to 115, i cried every night and every morning. i had dreams that i was an addict and i´ve never used. the hardest time in my life probably (even though both of my parents are addicts), but i thank god every day that he gave me the strength to say ENOUGH. i doubted it after i did it, i tried talking myself back in the relationship, but ultimately i knew ¨he will NEVER get clean, as long as you are here.¨ it was hard for me to get that because i never gave him money, or did any of the typical enabling behaviors, but i was more proactive about his recovery that he was. i tried to control everything and created this sort of rehab inside my house. the only thing that came out of it, was him learning how to be more sneaky than he was before. i would cry, tell myself this is the last time, he would get clean for a couple of days, and i would tell myself the worst is over. and then that mfer would lie to me again. SHE WILL USE YOU FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE. the only way out is for you to get out. i know you love her, you must. we all love them, but LOVE IS NOT ENOUGH, LOVE DOES NOT CONQUER ALL, unless you are loving yourself more than you love them. it doesn´t sound like you´re doing that. it freaking sucks in so many ways. but i just tell myself that this is not what life is supposed to be or how love is supposed to feel. and everytime he tells me he loves me, i tell him, if this is what you call love, then keep the **** to yourself, because i am done!

Nerdgirl

Steve is suffering, and hydrogirl hit the nail on the head - he just hasn't had enough yet. When he hits his bottom he will do what he must to restore his sanity. It seems that he just has not accepted that he is powerless - every single one of his posts shrieks control issues. All this talk of letting go is just that, talk. When addicts do this we call it quacking.....

Letting go is hard. Recovery is hard, but anything worth working for is not going to come easily.

Praying for peace, love and happiness for all