KariSue

This may or may not help but it helps me sometimes.

"I can't help how I feel right now but I can help how I think and act." author unknown

I say this to myself and then think that, at this moment, there is nothing I can do for my son. Not one single thing so I try to do something constructive and pretend that this isn't happening.

Not much but it might help some.

Hugs, Kari

P.S. This is so unfair, isn't it? I hate it.

Edited to add that 'constructive' to me also means pampering myself. It is VERY constructive to make myself feel good in any way possible.

Serenity Bound

(((keepinon))) I'm so sorry you had such a rough day. I'm praying that today is much better, that you will take time to pamper yourself. Take care of you, you need to heal from surgery and you need to relax. HP will take care of the rest.

Hugs & Prayers,
Chris

kiki5711

Let's become "detach" buddies!!! I need to learn tooooooo!! :

message to my daughter: :

Chino

I sincerely hope you do. I read this last night and my heart ached for you. I can't imagine what your cortisol levels must look like

If you don't already know, cortisol is the stress hormone and it includes physical stress, too. It causes inflammation as a way to protect an injury. Yours already had to be high from the surgery alone. Prolonged cortisol production can lead to permanent and serious damage to ourselves, including diabetes, heart attack and stroke.

Please take a huge step back and save yourself. You and your family will remain in my prayers.

keepinon

Good Lord..she called this morning..fear made me answer the phone. She is bored, had to redo her chores, they won't let her do anything..Quck Quack Quack. Me, adreline still pumping from just being on phone with her (well, maybe you can just relax, you'll be very busy stating next week..I know , I know i should've said" OH" and" hmmm" but I forgot everything I have learned!) It brings up my fear that she's just gonna leave and also brings up how seriously pi$$ed I am that WE are funding EVERYTHING and she still has the umitigated gall to call ME and complain. Will be going a few days of no contact for my own sanity.

Hope44

Just sending you a hug and a prayer. Sounds like we are somewhat in the same boat with our ADs. Keep holding on!

kiki5711

LOL

mooselips

Hi Keep,
Like you, I never could come up with the right thing to say whenever a call came in, so I wrote post it notes, and tacked them near and far to help me along my recovery.

One sentence that Cats shared with me years ago was:
"You're so smart, and I love you so much, I bet you'll figure this out." (or it was something to that effect.)

Angelic17

Keepinon, Every mom on this site, knows what you mean when you say that your doing all of the running, and all of the paying, and she is complaining. Addiction is the most selfish cunning disease out there, and what's worse is that the addict doesn't have a clue of what it's doing to you. I have been where you are with my son, and after about 3years of doing all of the same stuff your doing, I got sick. My hair fell out, and I didn't eat or sleep. I was a nervous wreck, and I was explaining all of this to my son. Telling him that I was terrified. That I wasn't eating or sleeping because I loved him, and I was afraid he would overdose. Or go to jail. I will never forget his response to all of that, in the most honest and innocent way he said WHY?????? Why didn't you eat or sleep mom?
It was then I realized that he had no clue. The addict just doesn't get it. They are not capable of understanding anything other then how to get their drugs and money for it.

There was another time a few months before that, where he looked at me one day, in the midst of 5 treatment centers. Endless car rides to very far and distant rehab centers. Financial draining, and emotional and physical exhaustion, and he said, you look really bad mom. I went into a screaming fit on the kid. I wanted to kill him. He was killing me, and then telling me how bad I looked.
Looking back now, I have to laugh at it. But it's really not funny. They have no clue.
One day when your daughter gets older, she will realize all that you have done.

GOD BLESS YOU and GIVE YOU STRENGTH. GOD knows what your going through with your daughter. He will work miracles in your life with your daughter. She is already clean and off the streets and that is great. Take care of yourself. You have gone above and beyond for this kid. It's all up to her now. People on this site, and in Naranon tried to tell me all of this in the beginning, and I wouldn't listen to them. I thought I could help fix my son. I have to admit it now. I was wrong. I couldn't do a darn thing. It's all up to the addict. Let go of your daughter with love.

keepinon

Feeling lots better after posting here, going to a meeting. and thinking things out. Guess I can't expect a complete personality change after 30 days of sobriety. She's scared to be "on her own" (she's not really on her own!) and hasn't dealt with life in a while. Going to try to have more compassion while detatching with love..ever so much easier when she is away!!!Thanks everybody so much..it has been a gnarly few days!