RecoveryJunkie

I am the one that posted about my bf being in rehab in L.A and that I was going to go visit him. Well i did. And now I am confused as ever.

A> I didnt not feel for him what i thought i was going to when i saw him (after 5 months of rehab).

B> It was a dose of reality to see him in the rehab, I also read through some oof his wiritng and realize how much he has an addictive personality and how much I am and may still be an addiciton to him

the only thing is now that I am back IN NY i miss him alot! and i feel so attached again...im so confused..if i brreak up with him i wont know what to do..and we go so well together...he loves me and i love him...i feel like a lost child..and very sad...

oshkoshberjosh

Someone posted a reply to one of my threads awhile back, saying that the relationship she had with an addict was the most powerful and the most painful relationship of her life.

I am seeing this in my own life right now. Hope this helps.

Impurrfect

(((Recoveryjunkie))) - when you say things like "if I break up with him I won't know what to do", it sounds like you're whole world revolves around him.

It's great to be in love with someone, but when the entire focus of our life is on that person, it's as if we're addicted to them! I know the feeling...I've been in 3 relationships over the past 30 years, 20+ years with one guy and I was totally addicted to him. Thought I would DIE without him!

In a "normal" relationship, if we break up, yes, it hurts, but we still have our own life...friends, work, interests, etc. Those of us who are codependent and in love with an addict..when WE break up, it's like we have lost ourselves. We don't know who we are, what we like, etc.

I highly recommend reading the book "Codpendent No More" by Melodie Beatty. It's about codependence, and is really, really good. Most of us have no clue what codependence IS, much less that we ARE one. I can just say that when we're totally wrapped up in another person, can see that he has such an addictive personality, may be thinking of YOU as an addiction, yet you're still thinking you can't be without him...you're most likely a codie.

You may also want to check out al-anon or nar-anon meetings. They're for loved one's of addicts/alcoholics. They won't teach you how to "fix" yor A (only he can do that), but can show you how to take better care of yourself.

Please keep reading and posting. There are a lot of people here who know what you're going through.

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

dollydo

You can be a whole person with or without another, that is up to you. It is not healthy if your entire happiness hinges on being with "him". This directly relates to being codependent.

Base your decision of what to do after he is out of rehab/controlled enviorment and see what his actions tell you, please don't jump the gun here, there is no rush to make a decision at this point.

RecoveryJunkie

i do believe that we are in an addicted relationship. we used to be much more dependent but when he left i started therapy and i do believe i have improved tremendously. today we mutually agreed that it is unhealthy to be together...my heart is broken. i dont know what else to say.

coffeedrinker

yes.

i went back to find that post, to be certain it was written by me.

and so i replied to your subsequent post, that i never saw until today.

recovery,

you do feel lost, sad, sometimes in anguish, when it first ends. we all know the feeling. even if it happened a long time ago.....we remember.

you don't stay there, though.

and if you do some reflecting and learning, you grow into a healthier, happier person when you get out of the crud.

peace...