Teenie

Just about 3-4 days ago, I was w/ my bf and found out he was using. I have this feeling that he's been lying about it this entire time and somehow getting away w/ it. Here's the story:

I've been w/ him since November of '08. I myself being a hardcore party kid @ the time, went over to his house w/ another friend of mine after a party. I had no idea that he had been sober for 2 years. I broke out a couple of Ecstasy pills and offered out lines and he took the offer. @ the time, I was just doing what others had bestowed upon me in the past and thought i was doing a nice gesture. 4 days later, he informs me that he'd been sober for 2 years off of meth and had done the whole treatment/meeting thing. Since then, I've felt like I caused his relapse.

For the next couple of months, we partied together, him constantly promising me that things wouldn't get out of control. And so I'd get pills for him here and there. Come mid January, after a couple of freakouts from him, I stumbled upon his meth pipe in his hoody pocket and that's where things started to disintegrate. I confronted him about it and he thought that i knew apparently.

After a while, he started using infront of me and freaked out on a me few times. Stole $400 from my mom saying it was to pay his lawyer. Stole a front tire from her bike for his bike. etc.

There was a time where he accused me of hiding his pipe and grabbed my arm forcefully enough to cause a bruise but than found it later. He cheated on me w/ a heroin junky, etc.

Come the end of October of '09, a situation occured where police were involved and he was taken to jail for 4 days and kept away from his bipolar meds. When he got out, he had a mental breakdown and i convinced him to check himself into a psychiatric unit, which he did was was kept there for 3 weeks, came out and things were better. He was on probation and had to take random U.A.'s and that lasted until Just recently. After the incident, he lost his apartment, and 3/4's of his belongings and is now trying to sue his landlord for letting the maintenence workers throw all of his things away.

I was @ his new apartment and found a couple of syringes in his freezer. thinking they were from the last tenent or something, i threw them away. He went out to the store, came back and i could tell he was high by his personality change. So I confronted him about it and he told me to leave. I told him I would stop talking about it for the rest of the night, we went to a movie and when we got back, he "had to take a bath" and asked me where the syringes went. I told him they'd probably be in the back dumpster. He went and dug around and found them and drew himself a bath.

I than called my cousin to come pick me up @ 1:15AM because i couldn't handle it anymore. The next day, I called his best friend who has been a long time sober and i figured might know what to do in this type of situation, and told him what was going on. His best friend than informed me that he was going to get ahold of my BF's lawyer.

Shortly thereafter, I received a phone call from my bf begging me to tell his friend that i was lying otherwise he'd lose his lawyer and end up in jail. And promised me he would get sober, stop talking to his using buddies, that he could do it himself. I stood strong. He than hung up on me, and i haven't talked to him in 3 days. If I tried, he'd tell me to "f*ck off. and leave him alone for good. Stop ruin his life"

I was doing what i thought was the right thing to do instead of going to his social worker, parents, the police, or his lawyer. That maybe he'd listen to his friend.

I called to have his phone line cancelled from my account which won't happen until the beginning of june and until then, i had it temporarily shut off.

Now I'm worrying and having a hard time. There's not a day that goes by where i don't think about him or wishing he'd get ahold of me. He refuses to get help. I wish he'd call me or get ahold of me.

He also just recently got out of the hospital again after being @ the MOA and, for some reason, being sent to the psychiatric unit again for a month for some weird behavior @ the mall.

I wish i knew what it would take for him to get better. I care about him so deeply.

I myself am clean and have been for quite some time now. I wish he could see that and want to live a normal, sober life and have a sober relationship.

Have i done the right thing in turning his phone off? I'm hurting so much right now.

Also, sorry for the prolonged story.

Teenie

I know. I was so sure things were starting to get better after he got out of the hospital the first time. His best friend is sure he's been using the entire time, even during his probation, but has been somehow, getting away w/ it. I've found syringes before, and he told me he was not shooting up. But what else would the syringes be used for by a meth addict?

Chino

Oh Teenie, we all know that feeling so well. There are people out there who do know and they're the ones who've been there. I hope someday very soon he'll reach out to them, ask for their help again.

Freedom1990

I would highly suggest you work on tossing that guilt over his relapse into the trash.

You didn't cause his relapse. If you were that powerful, you could get him clean/sober again.

When I relapsed after 4 years, I did it of my own accord. I wanted to get loaded more than I wanted recovery, end of story.

Carting around guilt that wasn't mine to own caused me to make some really bad decisions in my life, especially with my oldest daughter, an active addict/alcoholic.

coffeedrinker

i'm sorry you're having a rough time. this state you're in is SO exhausting, SO stressful and ya know what else - it can be so unending.

i don't know why he'd have syringes around unless he was shooting up. he's shooting drugs, honey. mine used meth, pills, and did his favorites - i.v. style.

you need to get yourself in a place where you are not obsessing about him, how you can save him, and how he is doing. hard, hard hard, but you will lose your life if you don't. then five, 10 or 20 years down the road, you will wonder where your youth went.
he clearly doesn't really want to be sober.

i wish you peace. and yes, drop the guilt. what freedom said.

:codiepolice

outtolunch

He stole money from your mom. He stole your mom's bike tire which kinda suggests he does not have a car, understandable, given he has other priorities. He lost his aprtment and clothes.You pay for his phone. He's mentally unstable. This is the life of a meth addict.

And you are chasing him and feel guilty. What's wrong with this picture?

Pick up a copy of Co-Dependent No More by Melody Beattie. You can find a copy at your local library or for about $2 at Amazon. It might save your life.

Teenie

I called his mom today to inform her. And she said "He's an adult. If I ask him about it, he'll deny it. He obviously needs to go back to treatment. Thank you for your call" I'm hoping that maybe that one call will do SOMETHING.

I did have his phone shut off. Granted it'll cost me $180. The only reason i put him on my phone in the first place, was because when he got out of the hospital the first time, things really seemed to be better. And I told him that I'd only do it if he paid his half. And he did for a while. I also told him that if he gave me any reason @ all to shut it off, I wouldn't hesitate.

I just want him to get better and live an honest and sober life. I've seen how awesome he can be. Thank you all for the support. It does help a ton. I've never been in a situation like this and I'm finding this site to be INCREDIBLY helpful.