Update on an enabler's recovery...

Old 05-09-2010, 11:48 AM
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Let me grow up.
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Update on an enabler's recovery...

Hiya forum family! Last time I was here I announced my successful split from my exAGF and my pregnancy. I'm happy to say that I'm still successful in my recovery and 17 weeks pregnant! A couple more weeks and I can tell you if it's a girl or boy! Both dad and I are ecstatic, expecting parents.

You all wanted me to share my story of recovery. I didn't want to jump into that too soon as I was not sure I would stay successful in my recovery. I'd tried so many times before and failed. It's strange the hold an addict can keep on you even after you've made the decision to end things.

I haven't seen or spoken to her since October 09. After 4 years of a turbulent and painful relationship I will admit I miss her at times. She still crosses my mind and I hope that some day she'll find her own recovery. I hear about her through the grapevine and know she's still in active addiction.

As for my recovery, I guess it just comes to enough being enough. So many people told me I would get fed up at some point, but during my time with her I was so absorbed in my love for her and wanting to be enough to keep her strong and sober that I never thought there'd be a time when I would decide to walk away for good.

No one can tell you anything about your relationship with the addict in your life. They just can't understand the complexity of it or the psychological and emotional intertwining wire between the two of you. The sickness is the relationship and you are just as much an addict as he or she is, that's what most of your family and friends don't realize. They think that if you can just get away from this person every thing will work out.

When I finally admitted to myself that I was just as sick as she was then I started to make a distinctly conscious act not to go back to her. I had to stay in my recovery or the relationship would inevitably destroy me. Much as drugs destroys her. How could I judge her when I could do no better?

I had bad days... I had really bad days when I just wanted to be with her. No matter what she did to me, I always managed to forgive her and I forgive today. But what keeps me from going back is the destructiveness of the relationship and my need to stay in recovery.

The upside is that even if you can't see it or believe it now, you REALLY will get to a point where you won't take it anymore. You really will. And everyone in your world telling you to end it now, might as well zip it because you'll do it when you're ready. Much like the addict in your life, it's your personal choice to end it. And you'll walk away when you're truly ready to walk away. No one can tell you when or how or even why. You'll just... know.
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Old 05-09-2010, 03:48 PM
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Keep taking care of yourself and that little one you carry.

I hope the days ahead are better than the ones you left behind...they usually are.

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Old 05-10-2010, 01:29 PM
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Thank you. Thank you very much.
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Old 05-11-2010, 07:23 AM
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beautiful and awesome post. thank you
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newblue82 (05-11-2010)
Old 05-11-2010, 05:41 PM
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Let me grow up.
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I'm glad I could help in some small way. It's hard to put my feelings into words. I could have wrote a book but I didn't want to subject you all to that! LOL Take care guys and God bless! I'll continue to check in...
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Old 05-11-2010, 11:51 PM
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thank you so much............

you have put into words what I was feeling deep down.............which is at some point I will just know that its time to go.

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