enodm

Weird, not sure if it part of the co-dependency thing, but I want am wanting to call my AS so bad... I am actually fighting it. I keep telling myself, just call him and see if he wants to hang out or come over for dinner, but I'm not. Am I enabling him just to call and ask or it that ok? I did talk to him yesterday to tell him I am shutting his phone off today and that I need a letter from him so I can get his car registered in my name. He didnt say a whlel lot, but I guess maybe a little of me was HOPING he would say MOM I miss you or he wants to get better I dont know. He just sent me a text asking if I would give him $10.00 so he could go to eat and to the gym with his friends. I said NO... Now he wants to argue with me about it over text. I dont know.. Is this all a nomal thought process?

enodm

Thanks anvilhead, you always have great advice!! Yes, I guess I am wanting to make things better, which I know I cant do. But I wanna ha ha..... it breaks my heart, but I am getting stronger every day.
xoxo

hello-kitty

Are you going to follow through on shutting his phone off or was that an empty threat designed to try to get some kind reaction out of him?

enodm

Oh i have threatened many times, but I actually just did. As stupid as it sounds it was hard to do, but $75.00 per month back in my pocket.

hello-kitty

yay for you! Boundaries are so hard to enforce but it's all we have when it comes to dealing with addicts.

enodm

Boundries are quite difficult!! I have always been a dont mess with me person and have never let people walk on me.... BUT boundries with my AS have been hard as hell!!! It's a whole new form of craziness I have never expierenced.
So question~ I am in the "detaching" stage or whatever...things are getting easier, I am not consumed with the what if's and awfulizing what may or could happen (ok, not AS consumed) but it's not running my life. In talking about Randy when people have asked, I tell them how he is doimg, but have been asked... You seem so calm about it or uncaring, have you given up on him......
I was all ummmm no i am really a F*%*ing mess, but learning how to "deal" with it.
So now i question myself... Am I truly learning to deal with it or am I ignoring it, so it wont bother me like it was. Let me tell you I am sleeping all night now every night... I am not constantly trying to call or text him....I am not crying at the dope of a hat... you know the rest

Does this all make sense?

MsPINKAcres

yes it does make sense!

you are making great progress - it is difficult to allow our Children the DIGNITY and RESPECT to walk their own path - but it what is HEALTHY and BEST for all involved.

That's is what I kept telling myself over and over and over again when dealing with my oldest step-daughter when she was way active in the disease. It twernt easy but it did help save my sanity and serenity.

I couldn't help her "get" sober - but I could stop enabling her from having the opportunities to seek it for her self - I got out of the way - Let Go and Let God!

Prayers and BIG HUGS for you,
Rita

tjp613

Dignity.
Respect.
Wings.

Those are words I need to remember...or maybe have them tattoo'd on my arm when the time comes to deal with my AS, which will be soon. He's apparently not doing well in the technical school he's attending -- probably partying. I dunno. Come May he will have to find another source of income/housing/insurance/gas/food money. My day is coming. UGH.

edonm - you can be my mentor. Stay strong for ME!

enodm

tjp613~I have found my stregnth (even though I am new to all of this craziness) in attending alnon meetings, reading books, this website and not awfulizing the what if's. It's hard as hell!! Every morning I ask god to hold him in his hands and take care of him, then I release him for the day. Some days it's not a day at a time, for me it's an hour at a time. I have learned that talking about it with others that know what I am going through that have walked in my shoes helps a ton!!

You stay strong and remember to put yourself first!!
Michelle

coffeedrinker

enodm - i understand the question "am i learning to deal or just ignoring?" but, ignoring IS learning to deal. i remember when i turned the corner (on my abf) and started sleeping through the night again. i was very telling and i rejoiced.

i am so glad you didn't give him $$, even tho it was only 10 dollars. and of course you hope he will say "miss you" "love you mom" but even if he does, does it change anything? just know that he DOES love you, he just can't get to it now. his heart is all wrapped up and stuck in some other place inside him now.

you're doing great.

tjp - you are already ahead of the game. when the school term ends, you have a plan in place what you're going to say and do for son. this is so much better than being caught with your pants down and scrambling to try and figure this stuff out. keep coming here!