Who remembers the loved ones in prison thread....
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: my own little world
Posts: 9,071
Who remembers the loved ones in prison thread....
When I started that thread in November 06 I made a lot of lasting friendships.
I was just thinking abck and everyone who frequented whose A's were spouses or signifaicant others, seems to be seperated and or divorced from them after they got out and struggled some more.
What about the parents of As, where are your children at now?
Guess this is sorta a touchbase for Where are we now, and to show the more recent members facing some of the same things that life does go on, and hopefully we are all happy, but life certainly didnt turn out as we expected
I was just thinking abck and everyone who frequented whose A's were spouses or signifaicant others, seems to be seperated and or divorced from them after they got out and struggled some more.
What about the parents of As, where are your children at now?
Guess this is sorta a touchbase for Where are we now, and to show the more recent members facing some of the same things that life does go on, and hopefully we are all happy, but life certainly didnt turn out as we expected
Living in a Pinkful Place
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 7,545
I remember that thread - I jumped in toward the end of it - I talked mostly about my step-daughter Ash.
She went to jail several times - lost custody of her children - relapsed after relapse -
I also shared some of my ex AH's struggles - of course he is NOW an ex AH - at the time he wasn't.
BUT let me share her miracle with you -
Providing that she continues to allow her HP to work thru her life and follow her program of recovery on April 3, 2010 - she will have 1 year in clean and sober!
She has 1 child full time, her daughter about 80 % of the time, and her oldest son on nice visitation basis. She has returned to the local university and is in her 2nd semester - she made the Dean's List the 1st semester. She has an awesome p/t job, works a good program and is learning to set very healthy boundaries.
I am so very proud FOR her - I truly beleive she has thru the help of a recovery program, the God of her understanding and a lot of hard work- discovered what a beautiful, intelligent and awesome woman she is!
It has been a true pleasure to watch this grow in her - Hard to step back and allow it to happen - but I'm grateful that I was able to be a little part of it.
Praying that we will hear many stories of success about our loved ones - and for those who haven't found that success yet - I pray that it will find your loved one soon.
HUGS,
Rita
She went to jail several times - lost custody of her children - relapsed after relapse -
I also shared some of my ex AH's struggles - of course he is NOW an ex AH - at the time he wasn't.
BUT let me share her miracle with you -
Providing that she continues to allow her HP to work thru her life and follow her program of recovery on April 3, 2010 - she will have 1 year in clean and sober!
She has 1 child full time, her daughter about 80 % of the time, and her oldest son on nice visitation basis. She has returned to the local university and is in her 2nd semester - she made the Dean's List the 1st semester. She has an awesome p/t job, works a good program and is learning to set very healthy boundaries.
I am so very proud FOR her - I truly beleive she has thru the help of a recovery program, the God of her understanding and a lot of hard work- discovered what a beautiful, intelligent and awesome woman she is!
It has been a true pleasure to watch this grow in her - Hard to step back and allow it to happen - but I'm grateful that I was able to be a little part of it.
Praying that we will hear many stories of success about our loved ones - and for those who haven't found that success yet - I pray that it will find your loved one soon.
HUGS,
Rita
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
My son remains missing, lost in his addiction for over 5 years now. I keep him in my prayers and turn his care over to God each day. That keeps me sane and able to live my life well.
I never thought I could be okay if my son was not. One of the gifts of my recovery is that I got my life and my sanity back and it didn't depend on how my son was doing.
My life is very full and happy and peaceful today. I miss my son, but after so many years of pain living with his addiction, I refuse to lose one more day wishing for what is not mine to control.
Life is precious, I came close to losing mine once and will never again go to that dark place.
I love hearing from the parents whose children are doing well. I think some are delicate about that with me sometimes, but it kindles the candle of hope in my heart each time I hear of some child finding a better path. I can only pray that one day all addicts can find recovery and escape the hell in which they live.
Hugs
I never thought I could be okay if my son was not. One of the gifts of my recovery is that I got my life and my sanity back and it didn't depend on how my son was doing.
My life is very full and happy and peaceful today. I miss my son, but after so many years of pain living with his addiction, I refuse to lose one more day wishing for what is not mine to control.
Life is precious, I came close to losing mine once and will never again go to that dark place.
I love hearing from the parents whose children are doing well. I think some are delicate about that with me sometimes, but it kindles the candle of hope in my heart each time I hear of some child finding a better path. I can only pray that one day all addicts can find recovery and escape the hell in which they live.
Hugs
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: In a good place
Posts: 4,482
I'm not sure where my daughter is right now but she should be home in about an hour 
She's alive and recovering, one day at a time. We're going to the flea market together this weekend and pretty excited about it.
My son is buying a house, my husband is restoring a few cars, I've picked up a new hobby (jewelry making), and I hope none of us ever take 'normal' for granted again.
She's alive and recovering, one day at a time. We're going to the flea market together this weekend and pretty excited about it.
My son is buying a house, my husband is restoring a few cars, I've picked up a new hobby (jewelry making), and I hope none of us ever take 'normal' for granted again.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2008
Posts: 131
My ad started crack about 5 yrs. ago She got out of jail as a felon about 1 1/2 yrs. ago. She relapsed about 2 months ago. Now says she's clean but will not go for treatment. She was fired last month and evicted. We used to be so close as she's my only child. I doubt those times will ever return and as time passes it becomes more difficult to remember. I still have custody of my gd's, which have been a blessing to me.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: Florida
Posts: 220
The Loved Ones In Prison thread was my life-line for several years. It started long before 11/06, Cindi. Remember the site crashed, and about 2 years of posts were lost and we had to start another thread.....I think the second incarnation was 11/06.
I ended up divorced and considerably happier. XAH did his 2 years of rehab and seems to be doing okay......I don't look too closely. Would it have turned out the same if I had stayed with him? I don't know. I don't think so.
I often wonder about Dakota and young Sadness. They both gave me important perspectives from other sides of the problem.
I made a lot of friends on that thread, too. It was priceless to me.
Babs
I ended up divorced and considerably happier. XAH did his 2 years of rehab and seems to be doing okay......I don't look too closely. Would it have turned out the same if I had stayed with him? I don't know. I don't think so.
I often wonder about Dakota and young Sadness. They both gave me important perspectives from other sides of the problem.
I made a lot of friends on that thread, too. It was priceless to me.
Babs
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Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: Wishin' I was on the Beach!
Posts: 1,415
Hey Cindi! Babs and everyone... I just saw the thread.... I remember the Loved ones in prison thread... like Babs said.. it was my lifeline for a longtime as well.
My STBexAH's doc was meth. He got into trouble, was arrested, JAIL... (His sister and I bailed him out) then he got off on probation and as part of the sentence the judge allowed him to go to a year long Christian rehab... we got along so well during this year, were so close.... once he graduated he did good for maybe 6-9months afterward. Started hanging with the same old friends... relapsed, failed drug test & violated probation...jail (I bailed him out again) then ordered to a 30 day state rehab in the beautiful NC mountains.
A positive is we got to see the beautiful mountain scenery on visitation weekends. LOL
After 30 day rehab... did good for a while.. then relapsed, probation violation... jail...
(yes I bailed him out again and I used the same bail bondsman each time... this time he told me I should leave him in... I said I would next time.)... and this time he was ordered to a 90 day state rehab.
Did good for a while... then ... you guessed it.. relapse again. failed test... no more chances left... this time they were going to activate his 2 year prison sentence. So, he absconded... he was on intensive probation and had a 6pm curfew. He stayed away until he came by one day and fell asleep and the po caught him at home and arrested him. This time I left him in there. I wished I had found this site years before... I was naive about addiction and thought bailing him out was what I was supposed to do.. that it was a terrible place to leave him. Hindsight is 20/20 as they say and if I had it to do all over again, I may have bailed him out once, but once would be my limit.
The loved ones in prison thread was a place I felt safe posting here when my ex was in prison. There's so many feelings to work through.. it was nice sharing them with others with similar situations.
I'm thankful for SR in general too... I learned about co-dependency, enabling, boundaries, etc. Today, my mind is much healthier than it was living with active addiction. It has been a year and a half since I asked him to leave.
As for my ex... he and his addict GF just had a baby boy this past week. He is still
unemployed... drives her car and is still lost in his addiction. Hasn't seen his kids since he left. Although he did bring them a present this past christmas. I do still pray for him to find sobriety and someday have a decent relationship with our children, for their benefit.
I try to talk openly and honestly with my children regarding their feelings and the resentments they have against their father. My son took it the hardest and he has been to a counselor.
There is peace and serenity in our home now.
Sorry for the book .... I just wanted to add the details for any newcomers with a loved one in prison that needs hope.
My STBexAH's doc was meth. He got into trouble, was arrested, JAIL... (His sister and I bailed him out) then he got off on probation and as part of the sentence the judge allowed him to go to a year long Christian rehab... we got along so well during this year, were so close.... once he graduated he did good for maybe 6-9months afterward. Started hanging with the same old friends... relapsed, failed drug test & violated probation...jail (I bailed him out again) then ordered to a 30 day state rehab in the beautiful NC mountains.
A positive is we got to see the beautiful mountain scenery on visitation weekends. LOL
After 30 day rehab... did good for a while.. then relapsed, probation violation... jail...
(yes I bailed him out again and I used the same bail bondsman each time... this time he told me I should leave him in... I said I would next time.)... and this time he was ordered to a 90 day state rehab.
Did good for a while... then ... you guessed it.. relapse again. failed test... no more chances left... this time they were going to activate his 2 year prison sentence. So, he absconded... he was on intensive probation and had a 6pm curfew. He stayed away until he came by one day and fell asleep and the po caught him at home and arrested him. This time I left him in there. I wished I had found this site years before... I was naive about addiction and thought bailing him out was what I was supposed to do.. that it was a terrible place to leave him. Hindsight is 20/20 as they say and if I had it to do all over again, I may have bailed him out once, but once would be my limit.
The loved ones in prison thread was a place I felt safe posting here when my ex was in prison. There's so many feelings to work through.. it was nice sharing them with others with similar situations.
I'm thankful for SR in general too... I learned about co-dependency, enabling, boundaries, etc. Today, my mind is much healthier than it was living with active addiction. It has been a year and a half since I asked him to leave.
As for my ex... he and his addict GF just had a baby boy this past week. He is still
unemployed... drives her car and is still lost in his addiction. Hasn't seen his kids since he left. Although he did bring them a present this past christmas. I do still pray for him to find sobriety and someday have a decent relationship with our children, for their benefit.
I try to talk openly and honestly with my children regarding their feelings and the resentments they have against their father. My son took it the hardest and he has been to a counselor.
There is peace and serenity in our home now.
Sorry for the book .... I just wanted to add the details for any newcomers with a loved one in prison that needs hope.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: buffalo ny
Posts: 167
in 2006 my RAH went to prison for his second round of fraud and identity theft. I began divorce procedings but couldn't even finish the paperwork. His children asked me to give him another chance. I didn't talk to him for a year, but then I went with his daughter and grandaughter to visit him. I saw a change. He wasn't cocky, he wasn't trying to manipulate me. We spent a full year talking, and Iwatched him. I agreed that if he was granted work release he could come home....because if he didn't get a job in 6 weeks he'd have to go back. So he came home 11/08. Got a job. Stayed away from his people, including his family. Fixed up the house. Put me first. Got promoted.
We're still together, I trust him a little more than I did when he first came home, but I don't think I will ever trust him 100%. When he comes home late from work...I wonder. It's impossible to be with a man who is using, and it's hard being with them when they are in recovery.....
We're still together, I trust him a little more than I did when he first came home, but I don't think I will ever trust him 100%. When he comes home late from work...I wonder. It's impossible to be with a man who is using, and it's hard being with them when they are in recovery.....
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Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: In a good place
Posts: 4,482
Originally Posted by Chino 
We're going to the flea market together this weekend and pretty excited about it.
It wasn't a normal day, it was a perfect day
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Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: Florida
Posts: 220
Originally Posted by Chino
It wasn't a normal day, it was a perfect day
Member
Join Date: Jan 2008
Posts: 325
Ladies- I'm sure I'm not alone when I say this. Your thread was like a lifeline to me. I was a lerker. I first read it, because I believed that my exh (was I still married then?) would be one of those who would end up in prison.
He didn't. But you ladies were like my little slice of heaven. On days when the world seemed so full of bad. There was this oasis. I can't recall anyones story's. Anything about your qualifiers. What I remember was all of you. As a group. Such love and kindness, caring of one another. You made the world a beautiful place. Oh and babs, there were many times, little do you all know- I climbed into that rocking chair, too!
Thank you all- for sharing your chair, your experience and your hearts.
He didn't. But you ladies were like my little slice of heaven. On days when the world seemed so full of bad. There was this oasis. I can't recall anyones story's. Anything about your qualifiers. What I remember was all of you. As a group. Such love and kindness, caring of one another. You made the world a beautiful place. Oh and babs, there were many times, little do you all know- I climbed into that rocking chair, too!
Thank you all- for sharing your chair, your experience and your hearts.
Last edited by StillLearning1; 03-28-2010 at 08:31 PM. Reason: I need to use spelling check
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 3,335
Ahhh. Yes. My ex is out of prison. He's been out since last October I think. He started establishing a relationship with his son. He's still a liar. He still manipulates the truth. For the most part, we only talk about our son. He can't find a job. I'm not sure how hard he looks. He may look clean (and I'm not all that sure about that) but he's not recovered. I don't think he ever will be. He's a lost soul and he seems to be satisfied with that. His problems go much deeper than drugs.
I have firm boundaries in place that help guide my contact with him. They are like my rules for living. They help me not to get caught up. The less I know the better.
My son still loves his daddy though. I think he's the only person who does. Ahhh the unconditional love of a child.
I have firm boundaries in place that help guide my contact with him. They are like my rules for living. They help me not to get caught up. The less I know the better.
My son still loves his daddy though. I think he's the only person who does. Ahhh the unconditional love of a child.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 3,335
Ahhh. Yes. My ex is out of prison. He's been out since last October I think. He started establishing a relationship with his son. He's still a liar. He still manipulates the truth. For the most part, we only talk about our son. He can't find a job. I'm not sure how hard he looks. He may look clean (and I'm not all that sure about that) but he's not recovered. I don't think he ever will be. He's a lost soul and he seems to be satisfied with that. His problems go much deeper than drugs.
I have firm boundaries in place that help guide my contact with him. They are like my rules for living. They help me not to get caught up. The less I know the better.
My son still loves his daddy though. I think he's the only person who does. Ahhh the unconditional love of a child.
I have firm boundaries in place that help guide my contact with him. They are like my rules for living. They help me not to get caught up. The less I know the better.
My son still loves his daddy though. I think he's the only person who does. Ahhh the unconditional love of a child.
Living in a Pinkful Place
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 7,545
Oh I have tears in my eyes reading these post - it's like hearing from my long lost friends - and geez - I still read most of your post daily!! I'm such a wimp - lol!!
It is nice to touch base with everyone again.
Everytime I give up a prayer of thanksgiving for Ash's sobriety, protection and progress - please know - that each and everyone of YOUR loved ones are brought before the God of my understanding too!!!
HUGS,
Rita
It is nice to touch base with everyone again.
Everytime I give up a prayer of thanksgiving for Ash's sobriety, protection and progress - please know - that each and everyone of YOUR loved ones are brought before the God of my understanding too!!!
HUGS,
Rita
Member
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 3,335
Geesh. After my post above, I end up letting the SOB into my house with a crack pipe. Damn the reality of it all.
Boundaries do not stop others from behaving like idiots and trying to impose their stupidity on you. They only help you to form responses that minimize the impact their ignorant behavior has on your life.
Boundaries do not stop others from behaving like idiots and trying to impose their stupidity on you. They only help you to form responses that minimize the impact their ignorant behavior has on your life.
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