I'm tired

I am enforcing my boundry tonight by having my AD leave my home. She was released from IOP 2 weeks ago--has done nothing but run with her 'rehabers' which I in no way believe are working a program but attending meetings for show only. I received a call from her probabtion officer this evening to inform me my AD was to be at her office Monday a.m. due to info that she has recieved in the last 2 days with the probability of her ARD being revoked. Add to that a call from my son informing me she was in todays Police report & for me to read it. My fury..stomach churning & the other 101 Mother feelings are running rampant tonight.
What is more disturbing is her 'threat ' to go & get high tonight--she may as well use as she told her dad. She claims she has no where to go--I say go to your friends that you run with all day long--go sleep in your car. Go & use-it's not hurting me it's your life. I told her this yet truth be told it does hurt but I know she will use happy she will use angry she will use because it's raining. I told her dad I refuse to be put over a barrel with her threat. My boundry was be in a program by today-that was 2 weeks ago. The PO call-the newspaper article helped me stand firm. In the 10 months this nightmare has been going on this is the worst & I can only pray that this is her HP taking her to her bottom with the hope that she will soon rise up to fully embracing recovery & not the sham in the past of rehab only to escape legal problems. I am comfortable in my hula hoop & am getting out of the way!

suki44883

I know it's tough, but....You done good!!

cmhcali

Really good job! You are in my prayers and thoughts! It stinks like you say if they are going to use they will regardless. No human power can make them use or not use. I will pray for your family and your addicts safety <3

greeteachday

Your boundaries are strong and your recovery is shining! Good for you! It is difficult and it does hurt, but this is what is best for you and your family and ultimately for your daughter as well. When we get out of the way and let them face the consequences of their actions, they can learn to take control of their own lives too. Prayers the lessons are learned quickly and you see the daughter hidden beneath addiction soon.

Impurrfect

((I'mtired)) - I know it does hurt, but as an RA and codie, I truly believe you are doing the most loving thing and the BEST thing for both of you.

The consequences are what got me into recovery, and having my loved ones say "deal with it" helped me get there faster.

Big hugs and prayers!!

Amy

Hunny1116

You did Great! I have an AS and have had to make some hard decisions, too. I absolutely could not have stuck to my boundaries with the help of SR. Thank you for posting this...

:ghug3
Hunny

I'm tired

After I posted my thread I heard from my RAstepD. It seems my AD did use -she told her step sister that I threw her out-she has no where to go & was coming down off of a high. I told my step daughter that I am NOT why she used & I know this--she is not relapsing as I do not believe she ever stopped using something since her release in Dec. from detox although she was attending outpatient. In the lengthy conversation we had I was again told it is for her best as well as mine that she now not have the comforts of my home to return to. I am firmly standing by if this is the life of garbage you want --knock yourself out! Maybe she has a glimpse of all the 'friends' she has & is running with --(driving them all over Gods creation in an uninsured-unregistered vehicle)-that NOT 1 is where she can go when she was told to leave my house. I rattled off 10 names of all she runs with & told her head there --call your dealers-they help you in your time of need--call them to take you in.
If she truly wanted help on a late Friday p.m. she could of walked into the hospital & told them she is an addict & is in desperate need or of called the Salvation Army. I am certain Monday will bring her to the jail. Glad orange is her favorite color as she'll be dressed in it. She was told do not call me from the jail-call your 'good friends'--all the addicts she thinks are there for her.

I only pray my AD does not die from an overdose & that her HP keeps a firm grasp on her.

coffeedrinker

what's IOP? what's ARD? must be legal stuff....

you ARE doing the right thing, as you know. darned hard, very painful. your head is screwed on straight.

one thing i learned about what the coming down off of meth or (i think) crack is when they get really ugly.

i'm glad there is a "no call from jail" in place for you.

peace,

I'm tired

IOP is intensive out patient therapy. ARD is a court program -if you maintain the requirements no charges will show on a record. She has failed both so far. Her doc is heroin or any opiate .

Seren

(((I'm tired))) My A stepson was kicked out of his father's house about 1 year ago because of his crack use, his arrest for crack possession, and his failure to keep a job (he's in his late 20's). He, too, has had IOP after nearly drinking himself to death and then turned to crack.

While he has been in and out of various county detention centers, he has managed to survive. He has been living at the local homeless shelter and starts a new job on Tuesday. So....if your daughter is allowed to face the full consequences of her using, she may just finally realize that her life and how it goes is up to her.

Huge hugs and prayers for you and your daughter! HG

devastated

Yep, sounds to me like you are on the right path, even though your AD is not. Believe me, the sooner you get tough the better off she will be. I know this from experience. Only wish I had been smarter instead of so forgiving!

In the long run, the sooner she runs out of options the better off everyone will be. It's her journey, don't let her make it yours!

Hugs, Devastated

Spiritual Seeker

WOW, way to go !
An al-anon don't is "Don't make threats that you don't intend to carry out and don't be a door-mat."

You deserve serenity in your home.

I have had to do what you are doing.
It is heartbreaking and freeing at the same time.

Ann

Doing the "right thing" is rarely easy, may make us sad and leave us confused...but it's still "the right thing" and always right.

You're doing fine.

Keeping your daughter in my prayers.

Hugs

I'm tired

I thank all of those that are keeping my daughter in their prayers. It is nightime now & this is when my fear for her is the greatest. She is not a child--25-but she is MY child & I fear what the nights may hold. I pray she has the light of her HP close with her.

devastated

I know exactly how you feel when night falls. Nights are scary for all of us. I'm sure you've heard the old saying "things are always darkest before dawn" right? Come daylight all seems better.

The only thing we can do is trust in our HP that his plan is better than ours. Once you put that trust in HIM you will find a calm in yourself that will enable you to carry on despite what is going on outside.

Mind you, it doesn't happen overnight. It takes lots and lots of practice. I hope it doesn't take you as long as it took me. Afterall, 35 years is a very long time.

Hang in there. I will remembert you and your daughter in my prayers.

Hugs, Devastated

Insulated

I ran into a young man last week that was a "friend" of my now deceased ABF. The young man went to school with my kids, I knew of him which totally surprised my ABF when HE brought him home from a halfway house after rehab. The man was shooting up in my spare bedroom a year ago and is now completely rehabbed and clean. This boy told me that even though he'd hit a hundred rock bottoms...the only one that worked is when his family cut all contact with him. I know this is hard for you. And we always want to protect and assist our children to a better life. Her sleeping in her car isn't likely. She'll find a place to sleep and it could possibly be with an addict friend. This is really par for the course. You do you. I'm sorry this is a time in your life when you are really being tested on internal fortitude. I commend you.

Insulated

My ABF did sleep in his car. He also endured the ridicule of his work associates for living in his car and the looks of it with his clothes in the back seat. He didn't care!!!! Getting high was all that mattered. And that he did.