coffeedrinker

you are doing so many things right, good for you!

about stalking his phone records, i too did this when i felt something was "off". as sick as it made me feel, and as obsessed as i was with him and trying to "find out", it was better for me to know than to guess. but ya know what? i still found myself guessing and wondering because when we did communicate he was lying non-stop. the lying feels like a betrayal, and it's the very worst part. i understand your hurt - mine is still pretty fresh.

when he (mine) got honest and said he would choose sobriety over losing me, i saw the old ugly behaviors and the dishonesty as a part of the disease. i always knew it wasn't personal, about me, rather it was the nature of using illegal substances and needing to get the next fix. but....it still hurt like heII.

if i could go back and re-do, i would say "i can only think about reuniting after you have gotten clean and sober and done some recovery work" instead of during him getting c & s and attempting that recovery part. it's harder when you live in the same house.

i truly believe that the longer you resist the temptation to answer that call, send a text or other form of "reaching out", the better it is for not only you, but for him.

Carol Star

My therapist said when he called.....its only a voice....

cmhcali

All good stuff. He did text me and said he got honest with a few people and wanted to get honest with me and that he is changing his sobriety. However you are right about actions. To protect myself and not take the call I checked the phone records again and all day texting to a shady number. I know I should not do it but right now it is giving me strength not to take his calls or texts. A reminder. I know through prayer and action I too will get better. I am going to alanon on saturday. Looking forward too it. My other nights are packed. Who knows maybe I can hit one on friday night

mrsck09

You are strong and holding your ground. I always reply to the text! I am trying hard to go no contact. I was always checking the phone records - especially when my ah took off for days. I guess it gave me a security that he was still alive!
scary, but true. It started to take over me though. I called him out on it so many times and he lie, lie lie and then he flipping changed passwords on me! I been in the dark now and cannot check them! As much as I am mad as hell about it, its probably better this way. Sounds like you ignoring him is making him realize and think.. way to go

cmhcali

Haha my abf changed his password today. Than had his best friend who has over 3 years call me. I told him the whole truth and I think he was surprised. He is still using the doctor accidentally gave me the wrong meds and his slip was a suboxine so he wouldnt get sick. BSBS doctors do not mess up and give you OC 30's in a cellophane when you are supposedly on a benzo!

mrsck09

I was really bad with the phone records dectective that it started to become obsessive. I would look up every day when my AH took off too if i seen activity I new he was alive. Its sad to say that but its how it was. I saw all the 1 mins calls and text at all hours of the day/night. it made my head spin out of control. when he came back home I used it as ammo but it backfired and he changed the passwords ! I am screwed now but its best this way in hindsight. Oh what a life you dont want to continue. TRUST ME IT JUST GETS WORSE if you let it. So run for the hills! be glad your not married to the chaos

mrsck09

they come up with some good ones..HEY! I thought I lost my first reply to you sorry bout that. I am having a ruff night with my no job having, AH over at his mothers pretending to be getting better while i am a full time working single mother! Its okay I am strong and doing it just fine without him !

cmhcali

Yes I am lucky in that sense that we do not live together, no kids, no marriage. But we should be able to trust our partners and deserve love. I look at the change as god doing for me what I could not do for myself. It shows he has something to hide, so be it none of my business!

cmhcali

So abf called today. I aswered it as my friends in the program said at some point I would have to to let him know where our relationship stands (I never verbally broke it off).

He let me know that he knowingly took those pills and has been. That they were prescribed by a doctor but he knew he didnt need them and knew what he was doing.

I let him know at this point I dont know what to believe and a lot of trust has been broken and I am not sure that can be rebuilt. That he needs to focus on his recovery and I need to focus on mine.

cmhcali

My abf grand sponsor called me today to see how I was doing (he is a friend of mine). I said all things considering pretty well. I am actually amazed and owe it to my HP and the steps of recovery.

He said that ABF is doing well and getting plugged back in. I let him know I am letting him put his recovery first and need to step aside while he does this. I dont know if there is a chance for us but I do want him to recover.

Have there ever been any success stories?

Chino

You are a success story, one day at a time. We all are

cmhcali

Haha!!! Good point I didnt even think of that Chino!!! One day at a time is right