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Tempted to call him but don't think I should

Old 01-03-2010, 03:50 PM
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Tempted to call him but don't think I should

HI,
I haven't heard from my AS in three days since I told him we weren't playing the Boyfriend/Girlfriend live in our hosue any more. They would take turns staying at her mom's and then staying with us on and off. He stormed out mad that I wouldn't let her sleep over anymore. As you may have read in my preivous posts I jsut found out he has been using drugs for the past ten years. Been staying with us to supposedly save money to get his own place. He had lived on his own for about 4 years. Now we found out this since he signed himself into a detox. I feel it's changed everything. From what I hear he has been staying clean I feel really bad that he won't talk to me over sometihng like this and keep being tempted to call but something keeps stopping me. It makes me feel like if I make the call it gives him permission to treat me badly like he did.
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Old 01-03-2010, 04:06 PM
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Originally Posted by jacksdaughter View Post
It makes me feel like if I make the call it gives him permission to treat me badly like he did.
this is something that my mom has always said to me, i have 7 kids and once my oldest son stayed mad at me for a good while for the same reason as yours. i wouldn't allow him to continue to stay with his gf at my house and he's not an addict as i know of.

he stayed upset with me long enough for them to land good jobs and a really nice place for themselves. today they are married with 2 kids, doing well and we now have an awesome relationship. i think they seemed just as content letting me take care of them both while they did whatever they wanted to do without being responsible for themselves.

when my family turned me away, it helped me to see how destructive and out of control my life had become which caused me to want to seek recovery and stick to a plan of recovery. today im clean and grateful to them for allowing me to be responsible for my own actions.

i say, focus more on you, in time, he'll probably come around/
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Old 01-03-2010, 04:10 PM
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Yes. If you make the call, it will seem as though you regret your decision and are back peddling. He's old enough to be out on his own. And he's probably already spread the lies as to why he can't live with you any longer. Obviously he doesn't feel compelled to speak with you, otherwise he would call you. Stick to your boundary. Be proud.
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Old 01-03-2010, 04:14 PM
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His reaction, upon hearing that his GF was no longer welcome to live there, with him, says all that can be said about his sense of entitlement. That he has not called to apologise says something, too.

This is not about drugs or GF's and all to do with maturity.

He's 28 and capable of sustaining himself. If not now, when?

You have given him a gift. May he one day appreciate your strength to do so.
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Old 01-03-2010, 04:41 PM
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When the time comes that he is actively working a recovery program he will be able to see his part here

Addiction is disease of selfishness.
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Old 01-03-2010, 05:27 PM
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Thank you .. this is a great place and it always makes me feel better and stronger. You are all right and seem so smart on all this. I hope to be better as well some day soon. I read the codie info and God it was me. I have to start working on that part as well. Scary how you see yourself and didn't realize it. So again I thank each and everyone who helps me these days and again I hope to someday be able to help someone else.
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