Doing it all wrong, probably.. still hoping I can handle
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Join Date: Aug 2009
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Doing it all wrong, probably.. still hoping I can handle
I don't know how many of you remember me, I'm the girl who hopelessly fell for an opiate addict.. through internet. It's been 6 moths since I found out about his issue, and ever since that day I could never sleep peacefullly ever again. My mind has gone through awful questions and brainstorming, I really didn't know how I should habdle it, and I realised he's so much different from all the other people I know, always blowing my mind with his reactions and behaviour, hurting me mercyless sometimes, and with all this, I still loved him with all my heart.
Then 2 months later, during my hours of researching, googling desperatly for information that could help me understand him better, I came across this forum. At first I was happy maybe I finally found the place where I could find people who dealt with it before. so I could find a way for myself to handle it, but I've been told to run away from him. Here is where I found out that I'm a codie, I've shed so many tears reading posts and especially "What Addicts Do", reading about other people's experiences, imagining my own future with this man that I love so much... I received support and understanding here, and I'm so grateful to everyone, it was surely the beggining of myself realising what is really going on and what I'm dealing with.
And still, some of you might consider me crazy, but instead of pushing myself away from him, I decided I'll be by his side until the end of times, no matter what his choices are, and I will fly to see him as soon as I have the chance. We are just friends, and this is probably the closest relationship we'll ever have. so it might be easier to handle I guess..
I only recently told him that I know about him abusing his medication, and he reacted very bad, denying until he ran out of excuses. It was probably the most awful thing I went through with him, as I watched him lying over and over again, accusing me of offending him and making things look like what they're not... it was painful though, he practically surrendered after 3 hours of denying, saying that's the truth, but he was devastated, so ashamed and feeling bad.. We're good now though, havent talked about it ever since then and I hope I made him understand that those things don't influence my feelings towards him in any way. And I didn't say it just to make him feel better, maybe I am insane, but I love him despite of everything he has done to me and the effects the drugs he's taking have on him... I tried too many times to get away, but everytime I did it, I felt so empty on the inside, completly dead... I know I'm codependent, but looks like giving it away just kills me on the inside. Maybe I'll keep goin on like this for years, maybe even move with him and then you guys will see me back here whining and saying I can't take it anymore, but until then, I'm not ditching him. And one more thing, I promised to myself I'll never leave him, the day I found out about his drugs use. I know he needs me, even though he would never admit it.
So yeah, glued to my addict until the day I die, most likely, and loving him more than I can put into words, even though sometimes he's so awful he makes me wonder why I'm so attached to him. The truth is, I know on the inside he's wonderful, and even if drugs destroy his mind and body, they can't destroy his heart (God, now I sound so corny). And I know, even when he's high up in the clouds, sometimes I really feel like he cares about me, at least a little tiny bit, sometimes he apologizes for what he does, and it's honest apologies, he doesn't expect something back (as expected). And I can't just ignore the fact that he tried to push me away, knowing this is bad for me, but it was too late...
Just hoping that I will find the strenght to handle it, and hoping that my dreams and hopes are not as unrealistic as they seem even to me sometimes. I know it will be hard, and maybe instead of praying that I learn to cope with it, I should hope that he decides to detox, but that is something that I really lost hope it will happen, so I just resign... and honestly, as bad as it sounds, when he's sober he's so sarcastic and mean, heartless and mercyless.. I don't know how I could handle seeing him like that all the time =/. At the same time, I get chills knowing that what he's doing is so dangerous, and it messes his behaviour and health so badly... And with all these thoughts, it still doesn't matter, as he will still do what he wants to do, no matter what i think. That's the first thing I've learned when I came here.
Thank you all once again for your support, I'm still here reading posts, even though most of the times I wouldn't know what to answer, but I hope things will get well for each of you ((((big hugs to everyone))))
Then 2 months later, during my hours of researching, googling desperatly for information that could help me understand him better, I came across this forum. At first I was happy maybe I finally found the place where I could find people who dealt with it before. so I could find a way for myself to handle it, but I've been told to run away from him. Here is where I found out that I'm a codie, I've shed so many tears reading posts and especially "What Addicts Do", reading about other people's experiences, imagining my own future with this man that I love so much... I received support and understanding here, and I'm so grateful to everyone, it was surely the beggining of myself realising what is really going on and what I'm dealing with.
And still, some of you might consider me crazy, but instead of pushing myself away from him, I decided I'll be by his side until the end of times, no matter what his choices are, and I will fly to see him as soon as I have the chance. We are just friends, and this is probably the closest relationship we'll ever have. so it might be easier to handle I guess..
I only recently told him that I know about him abusing his medication, and he reacted very bad, denying until he ran out of excuses. It was probably the most awful thing I went through with him, as I watched him lying over and over again, accusing me of offending him and making things look like what they're not... it was painful though, he practically surrendered after 3 hours of denying, saying that's the truth, but he was devastated, so ashamed and feeling bad.. We're good now though, havent talked about it ever since then and I hope I made him understand that those things don't influence my feelings towards him in any way. And I didn't say it just to make him feel better, maybe I am insane, but I love him despite of everything he has done to me and the effects the drugs he's taking have on him... I tried too many times to get away, but everytime I did it, I felt so empty on the inside, completly dead... I know I'm codependent, but looks like giving it away just kills me on the inside. Maybe I'll keep goin on like this for years, maybe even move with him and then you guys will see me back here whining and saying I can't take it anymore, but until then, I'm not ditching him. And one more thing, I promised to myself I'll never leave him, the day I found out about his drugs use. I know he needs me, even though he would never admit it.
So yeah, glued to my addict until the day I die, most likely, and loving him more than I can put into words, even though sometimes he's so awful he makes me wonder why I'm so attached to him. The truth is, I know on the inside he's wonderful, and even if drugs destroy his mind and body, they can't destroy his heart (God, now I sound so corny). And I know, even when he's high up in the clouds, sometimes I really feel like he cares about me, at least a little tiny bit, sometimes he apologizes for what he does, and it's honest apologies, he doesn't expect something back (as expected). And I can't just ignore the fact that he tried to push me away, knowing this is bad for me, but it was too late...
Just hoping that I will find the strenght to handle it, and hoping that my dreams and hopes are not as unrealistic as they seem even to me sometimes. I know it will be hard, and maybe instead of praying that I learn to cope with it, I should hope that he decides to detox, but that is something that I really lost hope it will happen, so I just resign... and honestly, as bad as it sounds, when he's sober he's so sarcastic and mean, heartless and mercyless.. I don't know how I could handle seeing him like that all the time =/. At the same time, I get chills knowing that what he's doing is so dangerous, and it messes his behaviour and health so badly... And with all these thoughts, it still doesn't matter, as he will still do what he wants to do, no matter what i think. That's the first thing I've learned when I came here.
Thank you all once again for your support, I'm still here reading posts, even though most of the times I wouldn't know what to answer, but I hope things will get well for each of you ((((big hugs to everyone))))
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Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: new york
Posts: 227
We're good now though, havent talked about it ever since then and I hope I made him understand that those things don't influence my feelings towards him in any way. And I didn't say it just to make him feel better, maybe I am insane, but I love him despite of everything he has done to me and the effects the drugs he's taking have on him...
The truth is, I know on the inside he's wonderful, and even if drugs destroy his mind and body, they can't destroy his heart (God, now I sound so corny). And I know, even when he's high up in the clouds, sometimes I really feel like he cares about me, at least a little tiny bit, sometimes he apologizes for what he does, and it's honest apologies, he doesn't expect something back
Damnedone - Of course he cares about you BUT he cares about himself more. He may apologize not wanting anything back when in fact addicts always expect something in return. Now that he doesn't have to hide his addiction from you, he will USE it to his advantage and take advantage of your caring, loving heart. I was in your shoes the past year and I thought that "Our love could be stronger than his addiction". I now know that I was wrong. Read what addicts do and then read it again and when you're finished, read it 10 more times. Good luck to you in your journey. God Bless.
The truth is, I know on the inside he's wonderful, and even if drugs destroy his mind and body, they can't destroy his heart (God, now I sound so corny). And I know, even when he's high up in the clouds, sometimes I really feel like he cares about me, at least a little tiny bit, sometimes he apologizes for what he does, and it's honest apologies, he doesn't expect something back
Damnedone - Of course he cares about you BUT he cares about himself more. He may apologize not wanting anything back when in fact addicts always expect something in return. Now that he doesn't have to hide his addiction from you, he will USE it to his advantage and take advantage of your caring, loving heart. I was in your shoes the past year and I thought that "Our love could be stronger than his addiction". I now know that I was wrong. Read what addicts do and then read it again and when you're finished, read it 10 more times. Good luck to you in your journey. God Bless.
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Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 159
WOW!! Now that you have made that decision you can continue on with the craziness and believe me that's what your life will entail with an addict. Mine almost pulled me under with him so I hung on till the end too but it was more damaging than anything. I really have to hope this is not the kind of life you want for yourself. Can you really see yourself enjoying life with him with his drugs still involved? I'm a codie too and for today I let go and let him own his consequences. My EXH is in jail right now and will probably be going to prison for his offenses. The way I see it, one less thing for me to worry about and it's about time he was caught. I divorced him last month and hope one day he gets it together. We have a 15 yr. old who thinks his dad is a loser, and I don't agree with him outloud but he is a loser. Mine was a crack addict and alcoholic and when I got the promises it would change I'm sure he meant it at the time but knew deep down he would do it again. He did some down and dirty things for that s**t. He is where he belongs now and I won't have to worry about him taking advantage of someone during the holiday season or what gift he will try to steal for son, thanks but no thanks 
Oh and IMHO, drugs can DESTROY it ALL, mind, body, thoughts, feelings, and even the heart. They don't think rationally or normal while high. The lies get more outrageous as the days pass. If I had it to do over, I would run like hell and never look back. I wasted 18 yrs. with him although he wasn't always like that, he has been for awhile. Some things are just not acceptable anymore and him and his crap is one of those things 
I'd hope you would reconsider your decision since staying in this relationship might not be in your best interests. I thought for a long time about how much potential he had, but ya know, if he does nothing with that it's wasted. It's ok to be selfish and think of yourself first, because you deserve it, no less. Hugs coming your way for the journey you are on and the hard decisions you face.
Oh and IMHO, drugs can DESTROY it ALL, mind, body, thoughts, feelings, and even the heart. They don't think rationally or normal while high. The lies get more outrageous as the days pass. If I had it to do over, I would run like hell and never look back. I wasted 18 yrs. with him although he wasn't always like that, he has been for awhile. Some things are just not acceptable anymore and him and his crap is one of those things I'd hope you would reconsider your decision since staying in this relationship might not be in your best interests. I thought for a long time about how much potential he had, but ya know, if he does nothing with that it's wasted. It's ok to be selfish and think of yourself first, because you deserve it, no less. Hugs coming your way for the journey you are on and the hard decisions you face.
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Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Eastern Time Zone
Posts: 1,011
your user name (damedone) and your thread title (doing it all wrong probably, still hoping i can handle) - i think is your HP trying to tell you to GET THE HELL OUT OF DODGE.
Well, i don't remember supporting you on having a relationship with active, untreated addiction. Usually i'm silent on these types of threads.
But no matter what i or anyone says, you've gotten on this merry-go-round and the truth is you can't get off - round and round it goes and where it stops nobody knows. You've already entered the Twilight Zone where right looks wrong and wrong looks right, where love looks like pity and justice does not exist.
But please know this. This site is always a place for you to come to when you have nowhere else to go and when you are in need of help.
Well, i don't remember supporting you on having a relationship with active, untreated addiction. Usually i'm silent on these types of threads.
But no matter what i or anyone says, you've gotten on this merry-go-round and the truth is you can't get off - round and round it goes and where it stops nobody knows. You've already entered the Twilight Zone where right looks wrong and wrong looks right, where love looks like pity and justice does not exist.
But please know this. This site is always a place for you to come to when you have nowhere else to go and when you are in need of help.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: Wishin' I was on the Beach!
Posts: 1,415
Unless he decides to seek recovery, his addiction will only get worse. Addiction is progressive... things will only go downhill from here on out. Just some things to think about... sometimes we have to "Let Go" or be dragged down with them. We all have our own paths and we reach our enough is enough point at different times. Just keep reading and posting. It will help you get stronger and you'll be able to spot red flags in this relationship as well as future relationships as you learn more about addiction.
grateful rca
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: atlanta, ga.
Posts: 4,671
i'm sorry you are still going through all of this, i do understand how you feel. i remember telling my friends and family the exact same things about sticking by my man when all i heard was to run away as fast as my feet could carry me but no, i chose to stay, worst decision i could have ever made. for 21yrs, being abused whenever he felt like it, i still stayed. letting go was the hardest thing i ever had to do but like i said "had to do" because his addiction was literally driving me insane. day by day i honestly felt letting him go would kill me, but one day at a time, i did get to a better place without him while he's still the same addict only so much worse.
when i read your dedication to this relationship, my heart aches and it takes me back to where i was a short time ago. today i'm completely gray and alone(my choice), after all those yrs of waiting for my ah to get better, he's still using. now, i pray for him to one day choose recovery and i live a stress free and serene life.
if one day you change your mind and you've had enough, keep in mind that the pain does die but it really will depend on how long you choose to stick around. until he seeks recovery and get serious about it, it WILL get worse for him and for you if you continue to stick by this man.
the choices you've made are not written in stone so please stick around and keep posting and let us walk through this with you. even though some of us say RUN, we do know what it like to love an addict and for most of us, it WAS not easy to let go and let god. when my family let me go, i had no choice after i hit my bottom, but to seek help and get serious about it.
you deserve so much more and i pray that your hp gives you the strength to do what you know is best for you to do. know that we are here for you regardless of the decisions you make. we really do care.
when i read your dedication to this relationship, my heart aches and it takes me back to where i was a short time ago. today i'm completely gray and alone(my choice), after all those yrs of waiting for my ah to get better, he's still using. now, i pray for him to one day choose recovery and i live a stress free and serene life.
if one day you change your mind and you've had enough, keep in mind that the pain does die but it really will depend on how long you choose to stick around. until he seeks recovery and get serious about it, it WILL get worse for him and for you if you continue to stick by this man.
the choices you've made are not written in stone so please stick around and keep posting and let us walk through this with you. even though some of us say RUN, we do know what it like to love an addict and for most of us, it WAS not easy to let go and let god. when my family let me go, i had no choice after i hit my bottom, but to seek help and get serious about it.
you deserve so much more and i pray that your hp gives you the strength to do what you know is best for you to do. know that we are here for you regardless of the decisions you make. we really do care.
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Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Johannesburg, South Africa
Posts: 34
Originally Posted by damnedone 
So yeah, glued to my addict until the day I die, most likely, and loving him more than I can put into words, even though sometimes he's so awful he makes me wonder why I'm so attached to him. The truth is, I know on the inside he's wonderful, and even if drugs destroy his mind and body, they can't destroy his heart (God, now I sound so corny).
I have very long periods of clean time - then I use again. I do stop straight away and then have another long period of clean time. It has been about 15 years since I used daily for an extended period.
The reason that I'm sharing all this information is because I have still not found my heart - I am still not the person I could have been.
I am in recovery and work hard at being clean and sober and being the best person I can be. But parts of me - especially my heart - are still dead.
Wishing you all the very best - and hoping that you have a life filled with love, happiness and serenity.
Jackie
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 63
Thank you all so much for your replies (((((HUGS))))
As I said, I know what I'm getting into, but I just guess that I'm not ready to let go off my codependancy and my addict... I know, huge mistake to believe this maybe, but I feel like he's different. I can't recall any moment of him trying to control me, with him knowing he has so much power over me.. I even got a huge e-mail from him, telling me he is scared of having so much power over me, and that that's bad for myself and I shouldn't do this.
actually, ever since I've known him, he has been like this.. he's been using drugs for 15 years, and I only know him for about 3 years now. So nothing new. As horrid as it sounds, I fell inlove for the addict in him probably, as he admitted himself that he's much more lovely and nice when he's on opiates.. Sometimes I think how it would be if he never did that, if I just met him as he should be, I wonder if I would still fall for him. The mystery around him also got me hooked to him, I'm weird like that, could never get attracted to any regular guy... but I felt he was different since the evry beggining, just I didn't know he was "different" in such a way...
whoa I really don't know what to say to this, I can't imagine that he could ever hit me or anything like that =/. Though sometimes I wish he slapped me than hurting me with words.. He never really insulted me, just sometimes he's just so sarcastic and cruel, makes me cry straight away.
So yeah, just as a drug addict who refuses detox, I refuse healing my codependancy for now, as his presence makes me feel alive (when we don't argue, well..). Maybe if I felt he wants me far too, I would try and get away, but I've seen him worried when I said I'd take a break from MSN, and he said so many times "that's it, I'm done with you", but he comes back just like nothing happened after a day or 2. I promised him so many times that I'll never let him down, no matter what, so only the thought of breaking contact with him makes me feel miserable.
Ofcourse, it will be a long time until I can finally meet him, so yeah I guess it's not a permanent decision for now, so many things can happen... The situation between us flips in the strangest ways in few seconds, so I could never know what happens tomorrow. He told me once "you make life interesting" (though I don't think he meant it in a good way, as I was "scarying" him with my feelings for him), well I could say same thing about him, and I don't know how my life would be without him. Ok, I admit it would be much better without the drama that makes me get ill, not eating or sleeping anymore, but sometimes he can change my mood from bad to good, like no one else can.
So I'm in permanent doubt, I know that there's a 99& chance that he will make my life a hell, but at the same time I can't imagine my life without him, I really can't.
Anyways, thanks everyone for your support again, and sojourner, to me support doesn't mean you have to agree with my actions, but the only fact of answering to my thread, to me it means something, no matter if it's a positive or a negative comment, and what you said there is so true, I'm caught into this and I can't get out, no matter how hard I tried. It all looks worse without him even though the truth is that I would be much happier if I wouldn't have to deal with this.
As I said, I know what I'm getting into, but I just guess that I'm not ready to let go off my codependancy and my addict... I know, huge mistake to believe this maybe, but I feel like he's different. I can't recall any moment of him trying to control me, with him knowing he has so much power over me.. I even got a huge e-mail from him, telling me he is scared of having so much power over me, and that that's bad for myself and I shouldn't do this.
I forgot something, make sure you are not just loving the man he "used" to be because he sounds like he is not that same man now.
You've never met him, yet he has already been verbally, emotionally, and mentally abusive...at least you're physically safe...for now. I would recommend along with therapy that you also take some self-defense classes before the meet and greet. Abusers don't stop with just words.
So yeah, just as a drug addict who refuses detox, I refuse healing my codependancy for now, as his presence makes me feel alive (when we don't argue, well..). Maybe if I felt he wants me far too, I would try and get away, but I've seen him worried when I said I'd take a break from MSN, and he said so many times "that's it, I'm done with you", but he comes back just like nothing happened after a day or 2. I promised him so many times that I'll never let him down, no matter what, so only the thought of breaking contact with him makes me feel miserable.
Ofcourse, it will be a long time until I can finally meet him, so yeah I guess it's not a permanent decision for now, so many things can happen... The situation between us flips in the strangest ways in few seconds, so I could never know what happens tomorrow. He told me once "you make life interesting" (though I don't think he meant it in a good way, as I was "scarying" him with my feelings for him), well I could say same thing about him, and I don't know how my life would be without him. Ok, I admit it would be much better without the drama that makes me get ill, not eating or sleeping anymore, but sometimes he can change my mood from bad to good, like no one else can.
So I'm in permanent doubt, I know that there's a 99& chance that he will make my life a hell, but at the same time I can't imagine my life without him, I really can't.
Anyways, thanks everyone for your support again, and sojourner, to me support doesn't mean you have to agree with my actions, but the only fact of answering to my thread, to me it means something, no matter if it's a positive or a negative comment, and what you said there is so true, I'm caught into this and I can't get out, no matter how hard I tried. It all looks worse without him even though the truth is that I would be much happier if I wouldn't have to deal with this.
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Location: new york
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[QUOTE=damnedone;2461298]Thank you all so much for your replies (((((HUGS))))
whoa I really don't know what to say to this, I can't imagine that he could ever hit me or anything like that =/. Though sometimes I wish he slapped me than hurting me with words.. He never really insulted me, just sometimes he's just so sarcastic and cruel, makes me cry straight away.
Mine didn't either until I started standing up for myself and he got angry. I mean ANGRY! He grabbed me (I know, doesn't sound like much) but I had had surgery 2 1/2 weeks prior and still wasn't healed. He also can be a very sweet and caring man.................He is gone now and I morn the man he was but accept the man he has become. Lonely, penniless and lost. AND without ME.
whoa I really don't know what to say to this, I can't imagine that he could ever hit me or anything like that =/. Though sometimes I wish he slapped me than hurting me with words.. He never really insulted me, just sometimes he's just so sarcastic and cruel, makes me cry straight away.
Mine didn't either until I started standing up for myself and he got angry. I mean ANGRY! He grabbed me (I know, doesn't sound like much) but I had had surgery 2 1/2 weeks prior and still wasn't healed. He also can be a very sweet and caring man.................He is gone now and I morn the man he was but accept the man he has become. Lonely, penniless and lost. AND without ME.
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Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: Wishin' I was on the Beach!
Posts: 1,415
Originally Posted by damnedone
As I said, I know what I'm getting into, but I just guess that I'm not ready to let go off my codependancy and my addict...
Take care of yourself. We really care and don't want to see you get hurt anymore than you have been already. Keep reading and posting. Continue to learn all you can about addiction, and if you haven't read the book "Co-dependent No More" by Melody Beattie, check it out at your local library or order on Amazon for about $2. It will help you so much.
(((HUGS)))
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 3,335
Well. It's like an addict who knows smoking crack and shooting up heroin is probably going to kill her but she just doesn't care. My ex used to tell me he'd die with a crack pipe in his mouth. Well he nearly did several times and once he almost took a carload of people with him when he was driving on the freeway. That was one of the last times he ended up in prison.
Blessings in your life choices. Trust me. You don't REALLY know what you are in for. You only think you do.
It's never too late to change your mind. Life aint over 'til your 6 feet under. And in the meantime, have you thought about why you are choosing such a self-destructive lifestyle for yourself?
By the way. This website will be here for you whenever you need information or support in your recovery from co-dependence. ;-) Hang on to your head girl because if he really is an addict, you are in for the nightmare of your life.
Blessings in your life choices. Trust me. You don't REALLY know what you are in for. You only think you do.
It's never too late to change your mind. Life aint over 'til your 6 feet under. And in the meantime, have you thought about why you are choosing such a self-destructive lifestyle for yourself?
By the way. This website will be here for you whenever you need information or support in your recovery from co-dependence. ;-) Hang on to your head girl because if he really is an addict, you are in for the nightmare of your life.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 63
Just curious....how did you come up with your screen name?
At least you are going into this knowing what you are getting into, and I hope if his addiction gets more unmanageable, you'll be able to walk away knowing that you can't save him, he can only save himself.
Well. It's like an addict who knows smoking crack and shooting up heroin is probably going to kill her but she just doesn't care. My ex used to tell me he'd die with a crack pipe in his mouth. Well he nearly did several times and once he almost took a carload of people with him when he was driving on the freeway. That was one of the last times he ended up in prison.
Blessings in your life choices. Trust me. You don't REALLY know what you are in for. You only think you do.
It's never too late to change your mind. Life aint over 'til your 6 feet under. And in the meantime, have you thought about why you are choosing such a self-destructive lifestyle for yourself?
Blessings in your life choices. Trust me. You don't REALLY know what you are in for. You only think you do.
It's never too late to change your mind. Life aint over 'til your 6 feet under. And in the meantime, have you thought about why you are choosing such a self-destructive lifestyle for yourself?
Well today i heard him talking about finding a job, and he was pretty excited, I hope he will make it through, maybe this will make him think of another life for himself... I hope..
thanks again for your answers
((((HUGS))))
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Chicago area
Posts: 4,269
Originally Posted by damnedone
exactly what I was saying, I prety much know what I'm gettin into, and I'm aware ofthe hell my life could turn into, and I'm ready to deal with that. Hopefully, his addiction won't get worse, though I dont know if it can get worse than it already is...
That's the unvarnished brutal reality of addiction.
Have you progressed beyond talking in chat rooms? Has he asked you for money yet? And as for the screen name thing....it's meaning is not obvious to me.
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
You've never met this man, it is quite possible he isn't the person you may think he is. Internet predators play all kinds of drama games and it sound to me like you are addicted to the drama.
Sweetie, it's your life to do with whatever you choose. So I can only wish you well.
Hugs
Sweetie, it's your life to do with whatever you choose. So I can only wish you well.
Hugs
learning to live for me
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: East Coast, US
Posts: 215
Does he tell you he loves you? Or does he only vacillate between "you make life interesting" and "go away"? I remember before (if I'm correct) that you were saying he messed up your sleeping and eating patterns. Is he still doing that? Do you talk on the phone? Video/Webcam chat? Or just instant message/email? Who does he live with? Who do you live with? I'm just trying to get a better idea of the situation and understand the level of commitment you're professing to.
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