Be Like Water
On a tear
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: Volcano Country!
Posts: 3,221
Be Like Water
What a great idea! Be like water... take the path of least resistance.
Such a novel idea for me, as I am a true Alanon. My survival tools include perfectionism, controlling, managing, manipulation and victim-itis. I excel at catastrophisizing and have a masters in martyrdom.
During MY life, I CONTROLLED outcomes! You betcha Hannah, I did. If I met resistance, I beat it down with my words, spoken and written!! I can write a poison pen letter that will still be smoking when received by customer service.
I can tear you a new one in five words, or my name isn't Judge Joody.
There was never a situation that I couldn't out think, never a problem that I could not tackle. Until, of course, my kid developed addiction. That was when I met my match, you know.
I didn't go down without a fight. I kicked, screamed, railed and wailed at the top of my lungs to all who would hear me. I berated my kid, confined my kid - locking her in, then locking her out. I called her names, I held her close, I spent time with her, against her, without her.
I waited up nights and moped through days. I was the picture of woebegone. Oh yes I was.
Today, what I know, is that if things don't go the way I expect, then perhaps that is exactly how the universe needs it to happen. This knowledge did not come easy, but by way of multiple events that EVENTUALLY worked out just the way I wanted, but often with BIGGER and BETTER results than any I could have managed on my own.
Pain is a wonderful teacher - not just for me, but also for my kid. Things that looked like horrible events, often turned out for the best. So now I even apply that to MY life, and not just hers. Today, I know that my kid is in jail because she had the opportunity for a dual-diagnosis inpatient rehab and turned away from it. That very night, she was arrested and put into jail... a lockdown facility that allows her to confront her own insanity brought on by meth use. She is getting better, but very slowly. That is a good thing, she is like me - a concrete learner. Words mean nothing to her - deeds, however, carry weight. God (what I call my higher power) gave her what I would never have had the strength to give her... a long-term jail term.
For me, another example is my work search. I had a wonderful job at an outpatient rehabilitation center. I really believe working with addicts will be my calling ... but the owner is nasty and I ended up losing my job, so I am currently conducting a work search. Had this happened to me before my recovery, I would have been STILL in pain. And it did hurt, but almost immediately I knew that there is probably something better for me. My job is to do the footwork.
So I've been applying and I thought I had perhaps found the perfect job, and I wowed them at the initial interview. I was invited back for a second level interview and it started out pretty good. These were all managers on the panel, and I seemed to be able to answer their questions without a problem. Then they asked me, "What kind of people do you get along with best."
The answer popped into my head immediately, and when I know... I know, yanno? So I answered, "Well, I am in recovery in a 12-step program, and it turns out my favorite people are ...alcoholics." And I smiled.
Deadpan. Silence. Could hear a pin drop two floors away. So I followed that up with, "And I work well with folks who have a good sense of humor."
Pained smiles.
At that point, I began to wonder if I would be a good fit, but being who I am, I just kept plugging away. Finally, they asked, "Do you have questions for us?" Being well prepared, I did, of course.
But when I inhaled to ask the first question, the cough drop I was sucking on, which was sharply pointed by that time, flew into the back of my throat and I started to choke. While they watched, I hacked and coughed and tried to keep breathing.
And then the interview ended.
And I didn't get the notice by the end of the following week. So I didn't get the job.
But, what I knew, but wouldn't acknowledge, even internally, is that I probably don't fit into that culture well. What I answered was the truth, I get along best with alcoholics and should probably keep checking at the local treatment centers. I loved the work I did before, so why change? God gives me what I can't give myself. An out!
So I am slowly learning. Do the footwork, but if I start to hit resistance, back off. Be like water and take the path of least resistance. It is the way of the universe. At least for me, it is.
Such a novel idea for me, as I am a true Alanon. My survival tools include perfectionism, controlling, managing, manipulation and victim-itis. I excel at catastrophisizing and have a masters in martyrdom.
During MY life, I CONTROLLED outcomes! You betcha Hannah, I did. If I met resistance, I beat it down with my words, spoken and written!! I can write a poison pen letter that will still be smoking when received by customer service.
I can tear you a new one in five words, or my name isn't Judge Joody.
There was never a situation that I couldn't out think, never a problem that I could not tackle. Until, of course, my kid developed addiction. That was when I met my match, you know.
I didn't go down without a fight. I kicked, screamed, railed and wailed at the top of my lungs to all who would hear me. I berated my kid, confined my kid - locking her in, then locking her out. I called her names, I held her close, I spent time with her, against her, without her.
I waited up nights and moped through days. I was the picture of woebegone. Oh yes I was.
Today, what I know, is that if things don't go the way I expect, then perhaps that is exactly how the universe needs it to happen. This knowledge did not come easy, but by way of multiple events that EVENTUALLY worked out just the way I wanted, but often with BIGGER and BETTER results than any I could have managed on my own.
Pain is a wonderful teacher - not just for me, but also for my kid. Things that looked like horrible events, often turned out for the best. So now I even apply that to MY life, and not just hers. Today, I know that my kid is in jail because she had the opportunity for a dual-diagnosis inpatient rehab and turned away from it. That very night, she was arrested and put into jail... a lockdown facility that allows her to confront her own insanity brought on by meth use. She is getting better, but very slowly. That is a good thing, she is like me - a concrete learner. Words mean nothing to her - deeds, however, carry weight. God (what I call my higher power) gave her what I would never have had the strength to give her... a long-term jail term.
For me, another example is my work search. I had a wonderful job at an outpatient rehabilitation center. I really believe working with addicts will be my calling ... but the owner is nasty and I ended up losing my job, so I am currently conducting a work search. Had this happened to me before my recovery, I would have been STILL in pain. And it did hurt, but almost immediately I knew that there is probably something better for me. My job is to do the footwork.
So I've been applying and I thought I had perhaps found the perfect job, and I wowed them at the initial interview. I was invited back for a second level interview and it started out pretty good. These were all managers on the panel, and I seemed to be able to answer their questions without a problem. Then they asked me, "What kind of people do you get along with best."
The answer popped into my head immediately, and when I know... I know, yanno?
So I answered, "Well, I am in recovery in a 12-step program, and it turns out my favorite people are ...alcoholics." And I smiled.Deadpan. Silence. Could hear a pin drop two floors away. So I followed that up with, "And I work well with folks who have a good sense of humor."
Pained smiles.
At that point, I began to wonder if I would be a good fit, but being who I am, I just kept plugging away. Finally, they asked, "Do you have questions for us?" Being well prepared, I did, of course.
But when I inhaled to ask the first question, the cough drop I was sucking on, which was sharply pointed by that time, flew into the back of my throat and I started to choke. While they watched, I hacked and coughed and tried to keep breathing.
And then the interview ended.
And I didn't get the notice by the end of the following week. So I didn't get the job.
But, what I knew, but wouldn't acknowledge, even internally, is that I probably don't fit into that culture well. What I answered was the truth, I get along best with alcoholics and should probably keep checking at the local treatment centers. I loved the work I did before, so why change? God gives me what I can't give myself. An out!
So I am slowly learning. Do the footwork, but if I start to hit resistance, back off. Be like water and take the path of least resistance. It is the way of the universe. At least for me, it is.
Guest
Join Date: May 2007
Posts: 2,968
You had me nodding my head as in yes that was me as well.
Thank you for articulating it into words, the best affirmation
of self and honesty that I have heard in a very long time.
I do admire your insight and perhaps one day I can have the
courage to spell it out as you have done.
lauren
Thank you for articulating it into words, the best affirmation
of self and honesty that I have heard in a very long time.
I do admire your insight and perhaps one day I can have the
courage to spell it out as you have done.
lauren
Member
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: FL
Posts: 14,246
Good for you, Sis---your wisdom along with a well-placed cough drop probably saved you tons of trouble and could've kept you from finding the spot where you're meant to be.
While they watched, I hacked and coughed and tried to keep breathing.
I can only imagine what it would be like to work with a group of people just coldly sitting there while you could not breathe. Sheesh. I think that interview was a gift to you from the HP....to stay clear of that bunch.Thanks so much for sharing your great recovery; how it was, what you did and how it is now. I'm praying for the next job to present itself asap; and for your girl to find her way back to sobriety & sanity.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Reality......
Posts: 735
Originally Posted by BigSis 
Do the footwork, but if I start to hit resistance, back off. Be like water and take the path of least resistance.
In fact I was just thinking about this the other day. When I try to force something (which is my definition of me trying to control anything) it NEVER works. Looking back I can see each and every situation that I have tried to force the outcome and it just never worked.
Right now I am looking for a bigger place to live, really I want a house to rent with (possibly) the option to purchase at a later date. And I have been searching and searching. I have found a couple that I REALLY wanted BAD. So bad that I found myself in magical thinking. I had already moved in and imagined myself in the home. Each house I ran into (that I loved) ended up being a dead end. Then I get ticked off because I have been sweating the local ads daily, sometimes hourly. Can you see a pattern here?
Well this morning it dawns on me that I am trying to hard. I am forcing. And what happens when I force. It never works out. So I took a deep breath and realized that its just not meant to be TODAY. Maybe tomorrow it will be different. I need to relax and realize that all is well and everything will fall into place.
I am so glad that the hard lesson I learned through addiction I can also apply in the smaller things of my life.
Just wanted to share....
Forum Leader
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: The Burgh
Posts: 1,991
Oh Sis...in a perfect world you would be paid for your words
The cough drop was a well planned HP intervention I think...there are better things waiting for you.
Boy I love and miss your perspective every day...and I learn every single time you drop by.
You are in my prayers...all of you. But you already knew that
The cough drop was a well planned HP intervention I think...there are better things waiting for you.
Boy I love and miss your perspective every day...and I learn every single time you drop by.
You are in my prayers...all of you. But you already knew that
Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 1,384
Thanks for sharing your post. I've been thinking about this a lot lately. I've had a lot of anxiety. I think a lot of it is from trying to control all these things that I have no control over .. . I'll try to remember to be like water. I seem to keep on trying to swim upstream.
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Then they asked me, "What kind of people do you get along with best."
The answer popped into my head immediately, and when I know... I know, yanno? So I answered, "Well, I am in recovery in a 12-step program, and it turns out my favorite people are ...alcoholics." And I smiled.
Deadpan. Silence. Could hear a pin drop two floors away. So I followed that up with, "And I work well with folks who have a good sense of humor."
Pained smiles.
At that point, I began to wonder if I would be a good fit, but being who I am, I just kept plugging away. Finally, they asked, "Do you have questions for us?" Being well prepared, I did, of course.
But when I inhaled to ask the first question, the cough drop I was sucking on, which was sharply pointed by that time, flew into the back of my throat and I started to choke. While they watched, I hacked and coughed and tried to keep breathing.
And then the interview ended.
The answer popped into my head immediately, and when I know... I know, yanno? So I answered, "Well, I am in recovery in a 12-step program, and it turns out my favorite people are ...alcoholics." And I smiled.
Deadpan. Silence. Could hear a pin drop two floors away. So I followed that up with, "And I work well with folks who have a good sense of humor."
Pained smiles.
At that point, I began to wonder if I would be a good fit, but being who I am, I just kept plugging away. Finally, they asked, "Do you have questions for us?" Being well prepared, I did, of course.
But when I inhaled to ask the first question, the cough drop I was sucking on, which was sharply pointed by that time, flew into the back of my throat and I started to choke. While they watched, I hacked and coughed and tried to keep breathing.
And then the interview ended.
We may not be the stuff that Hallmark is made of, but I truly think that God had other plans for "special" people like us, and when we find our niche we are happier than any corporate executive ever dreamed of being.
My last job (also at a rehab and a great job until I "grew" the job into something that required more hours than I was willing to give) was almost an accident. I was doing a project for them when the job became available and offered to me, and I remember that when I got the job my boss-to-be said "You're crazy" and I said "Thank you", lol, because he didn't think anyone could love working with addicts in recovery. He was a normie, perhaps the only staff member who was, and just didn't "get" how anyone could love this kind of work.
My point, and yours too I think, is that God takes us to where we are supposed to be. With your wonderful recovery and positive outlook, you are destined to find the next perfect job, someplace where you are meant to be, whether is it a place where your insight and experience is relevant or some place where you are meant to pick up a lesson or two yourself. But it's there. Read my signature line from member Frankly, and know that our paths may not be the path of most people, but it is a special path that is right for us and filled with light.
Thank you for this uplifting post, and most of all thank you for being my friend and walking with me on our journeys. The view is so much better when shared with a wonderful person like you.
Hugs
Member
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: lancaster, PA
Posts: 852
Originally Posted by BigSis
But when I inhaled to ask the first question, the cough drop I was sucking on, which was sharply pointed by that time, flew into the back of my throat and I started to choke. While they watched, I hacked and coughed and tried to keep breathing.
And then the interview ended
And then the interview ended
Hee hee..... sorry to laugh @ your chokeing... but you put a smile on my face by the way you wrote this.
It's ironic, that in my last post (concerning a potential job) i spoke of gripping my phone for hours waiting for 'the call back'.
Finally I FORCED myself, (even talking out loud to myself) saying... "let it go, if it is meant to be they will call. let it go".
I truely have learned one thing....... through all of this. Forced things are never good. What happend happend for a reason.
There are bigger and better things around the corner for you. Let the universe take you where you belong....... even if it brings struggles.
Love,
Cess
Administrator
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: a better place
Posts: 4,047
Oh Sis...in a perfect world you would be paid for your words
Thank you as always for your inspiring shares.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: lancaster, PA
Posts: 852
Big sis.... my job didn't pan out, and I was completely "IN" for this position.........
Apparently the owner dosen't want any changes till after the 10th of November, and then he will re-visit the 'management change'..... (which means bringing me on board). the gentelman who wants me there........(the big boss) said, "give it a week" things change fast............
I cried. (literally). It was such a 'sure thing' for me to get this position, (huge income job), that I cried and cried. I just got home and saw this thread again.
REJECTION IS GODS PROTECTION...........................
What amazeing words.
thank you for impacting my life with YOUR thread.
Love,
cess
Apparently the owner dosen't want any changes till after the 10th of November, and then he will re-visit the 'management change'..... (which means bringing me on board). the gentelman who wants me there........(the big boss) said, "give it a week" things change fast............
I cried. (literally). It was such a 'sure thing' for me to get this position, (huge income job), that I cried and cried. I just got home and saw this thread again.
REJECTION IS GODS PROTECTION...........................
What amazeing words.
thank you for impacting my life with YOUR thread.
Love,
cess
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