Callie

I guess for me, I'd always felt the need to confront. Of course I was lied to immensely during the beginning and I believed it. Gradually I started to see the truth and towards the end I knew the truth even when he was spewing his lies. Cessy, the thing that worries me about you is that I see you in me. First it was the 'backpack cleaning'. Focusing on getting things in order. Venting your frustrations by being a speed cleaner. Just as myself I've seen you come back here over and over again trying to grasp what you're dealing with. Once the 'cleaning' is done then it's detaching, then it's the financial aspect. Buying time to get a different job to sustain your household. I have been one to put my head down and plow through anything. Focus on the goal. House, $, Kids, whatever... The house needs painted, the yard tending to, needed the lawnmower or spouting or whatever fixed. All of those included RAH. It was a stall tactic on my part.

I was for sure plotting my way out. I'd seen lawyers, finally got the house in a managable situation, stuff was tended too, the house was painted, finances in order. It took me 2 years to do this. All the while THAT was my focus. Not the fact that my H was a heroin addict. (Please remember his heroin habit STARTED from vicodin/darvocet. Escalated to dilauded, oxy for years. Once he lost his 85k a year job he resorted to heroin because it was cheap. It took him about 6 years to get to this point) Not the fact that his bills had become insurmountable because of his addiction. "I" put the focus on something else so I didn't have to face the reality. I see you doing that over and over again here. Please know that I'm saying this in a caring way. I've been where you are and I understand how a seemingly intelligent, educated woman can end up where we are.

Suspicious. This is your thread. We've talked. I've never been one to keep quiet about what I see. There is no way that I could pretend. I would rip my hair out trying to do so. For me, I ALWAYS confront. I cannot help it. But I'm in deep enough to know when I'm being lied too. I know that 2+2=4. Not 3 or 5 but 4. An addict will do their LEVEL best to convince you otherwise. My only advice is trust your gut, watch your back and make your way out if he doesn't want help.

My H is on a methadone maintance program. He's doing very well on it. I am not. I'm carring the baggage of years of lies, deceit etc. Right now the ball is in my court and I'm fumbling the he$$ out of it. Right now he's doing ok. I am not because of the trama I've had to deal with forever. Use your head and trust your gut suspicious. Do not believe that anything with your AH says or does is real or authentic. It's not. He's a drug addict. Drugs are his mistress right now and she comes first and foremost above all.

cessy68

I see me in you as well callie, however, there is a great difference between being lied to, and 'believing' it, and being lied to and 'accepting' that.

I do not condone lyeing... i just know that when it comes to their addiction, that is what they will do.

If I'm 'willing' to stay in this relationship--- then it's time to face reality. My addict will lie to me about his drug use, how much, when, where, how, and how much $ it takes.....

In the meantime, I will figure out what I AM going to do about WHERE MY LIFE will go, and how I will EXIT... when I can,how I can. The last thing us codies should do is to try to 'control' further........ by EXPECTING truthfulness from an addict, when when we can't be honest with ourselves.

I'm honest., and I would tell suspicious (and everyone else here based on MY experience, ) to attempt to figure out a 'plan' etc. DO WHAT YOU NEED TO DO TO GET BY... whether its backpack cleaning... etc. to get your ducks in row... just don't focus on THEM.

Love,
Cess